Hi Harry

It’s definitely interesting hearing your opinions and concerns about three ways.

I would perhaps agree, if they’d repeatedly shared this experience. Say if it were more of a poly relationship between the three of them.
But it sounds like they tried it a couple of times and decided it was better to remain as friends. So perhaps not so much a relationship style bond, still just a friendship bond. Perhaps the experience actually meant more to the couple because they got to explore together?

From my perspective, I think it would be better to have a partner when pursuing a three way as long as everyone was comfortable. It would seem more awkward being the 3rd wheel if you will. But I’ve never had a three way. So I’m really just guessing. Your gf might be able to share her opinions about this.

Also, I think that sleeping with a partner is romantic than a three way. A three way seems more like a fetish or something to do for special occasions or to add spice every now and then. Considering that your partner said she would be open to it once or twice. Likely she agrees.

Perhaps you’re thinking about it because you’re considering trying it as part of your relationship? It is a big decision and it is hard to say how it would affect the dynamics of your relationship. As you said, it is a bit of pressure if you both decide to go down that road. If you’re not sure about pursuing an experience like that it might be worth revisiting that discussion. Or at the very least discussing your concerns about the situation may ease your fears regarding it.

Please feel free to share any thoughts!

It’s good to hear that things are going well in the bedroom in your relationship. She’s a lucky lady to find someone like you after having difficulties with her previous relationships. I hope that she is treating you well too.

Wishing you both all the best! 🙏

Hi David

Summarising what I gathered from this is that you flirted with another woman while you were drunk and hugged or cuddled her. Would you agree?

I think that if you told your partner she would be understanding especially since you feel bad about it. Do you think this is true?

It sounds like a source of anxiety for you linked to your earlier fantasies about exploring options outside of your relationship. What do you think about this?

Thoughts are just thoughts though and they’re automatic on some level. They’re not actions. You’re not a bad person for having doubts every now and again. Just human!

Wishing you all the best 🙏

I think courage is the perfect word for it.

I feel like managing pain is perhaps one of the greatest challenges we all face. It means overcoming human nature.

Wanting to walk my dogs motivated me to work on my health. I didn’t want to give them up and I didn’t want them to be cooped up inside. In no way, shape or form is the process easy though.

guess I just see meaning in outcomes. I don’t have grand dreams. Just taking care of myself and my family because I’ve always struggled in some way or another with simple things like that.

Hi Shaydee

I think you have a really good perspective on this already. You have a lot of emotional maturity and self-awareness.

Please only answer the following if you are comfortable.

How do you feel about your own sex life with your partner?

I only ask because on the surface a three way sounds like a fun thing. I would think of a partner as sexually adventurous if they were open to things like a three-way. But I hear that three ways don’t always go well. If anything, it tells me that your girlfriend is open minded.

I’m curious about your thoughts and feelings about this? Does it raise any fears for you? I would imagine it could feel intimidating for someone who has a different background and has experienced anxiety and difficulties with relationships previously.

It’s okay to have different experiences and backgrounds. You are different people! One positive thing that you can expect in the future is that you have an open minded partner. I’m sure that together you can have much better experiences than a three way situation. That is only something that she only wanted to try a couple of times. She will want to be with you more than a couple of times for sure. Clearly, a loving relationship is much more fulfilling to her than a three way.

Hi Mia

That’s awful! I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that racism at a place that is supposed to be safe for everyone in the community. It says a lot about the coach’s character that you weren’t supported when you were clearly wronged. That guy was begging for an ass-kicking. Well done on defending yourself during the sparring session, taking the graffiti matter to the police and removing yourself from such an intolerant place. No one should have to deal with this! I’m glad that some members supported you. It sounds like there is a divide between racists and non-racists now.

It sucks that there are no other options nearby. I hope that you find another hobby. You’re a brave and strong lady!  I hope all of this settles now that you’ve left the club.

And of course, never give anything of value to people with money problems unless you are okay with losing it.

Hi Frozenfireflies

No, he didn’t pursue therapy. I’m not sure if he read books or other resources about the subject. I did occasionally send him link to websites that I personally found helpful. He does have some psychological training though as he used to be a therapist a while ago. It’s interesting to learn that even people with psychological training can experience these difficulties. So imagine how hard it is for someone without training.

I got that impression from you that you try and avoid disagreements because of his reactions. From my perspective it seems like he might be the one voicing concerns more frequently. Like he did the other day. Unlike you, he doesn’t feel afraid of how you will react.

Have you always avoided confrontation in all of your relationships? Or is it something that occurred with your husband only?

I think you did a really good job of standing up for yourself when he was critical. You didn’t back down after he tried to shut you down. It sounds like standing up for yourself that second time was more successful as seemingly he didn’t say anything after that?

I can see how much effort you have put into maintaining healthy standards of communication. I hope that he learns from your good example.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏

Hi Frozenfireflies

It’s good to hear that in some circumstances that your husband is understanding and acknowledges his mistakes.

I would agree with you his history has caused some difficulties with his communication style. He lived that way for 30 years. It is going to take some time to undo.

For my husband it took 6 years of work throughout our relationship to develop a healthier communication style. It honestly takes time.

I don’t necessarily agree that your husband isn’t interested in changing. He might simply not know how or have sufficient emotional control. Like how you have difficulties taking a break in these situations. I agree that he could benefit from therapy.

I can understand how his behaviour feels dangerous and is a trigger for you. It doesn’t sound to me like you are in the wrong at all

There is a question that my therapist used to ask me constantly. Now I will ask you the same question. When is the first time you remember feeling similar emotions of danger and the need to pursue in your life?

I can understand why you feel hurt in your example of your recent example. He was criticising you. I’ll add that it is a very common criticism in relationships.

Yesterday, I had a massive energy bill. My husband asked me to put the heating on through winter and I did as he asked despite my preference being to save money. I was upset by the energy bill. I said this is because you wanted the heating on all the time. Why don’t you wear layers? He said he does and still gets cold and was a little flustered. We cuddled after.

Yesterday, I was cleaning the shower and my husband came along. My husband tried to dissuade me from cleaning the shower. He asked why I was cleaning it and said that I would hurt myself. I said I have to do it because no one else will. He said he cleans everything else around here. I said you asked, I just answered in a sassy way. He joked know your butt is right there. I said you can kick it just be gentle.

These are common small squabbles that don’t really mean anything if you have a healthier relationship. I think the difference in your example is that your husband doubles down when you defend yourself against criticism. It sounds like there’s some emotional pain carried around on both sides.

I can understand why it feels like he’s blaming you and criticising your character. The truth is that there’s nothing wrong with your character. You forget things sometimes. People who have higher standards typically complain if things aren’t to their liking. But it doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong. He is having difficulty with his own feelings because of his own standards.

I would suggest that your husband’s back pain is also a factor in his communication difficulties too. It’s not right, but it does make sense. I know I have experienced that too.