Hi Chau

I’m sorry to hear that you both broke up and it is very painful for you.

Well done on standing up for yourself and not leaving your house and arranging for her to go to a hotel. This is the healthiest thing that can happen.

You are in my thoughts. Please take extra care of yourself during this difficult time. I don’t know if you are interested but it may be helpful to speak to that therapist to help you with the break up. Loss of a relationship is a trauma and grieving comes with that. Therapists can provide an excellent temporary support at times like this, if you wish.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

If you figure out what you do and don’t want in a partner and think about the reasons why, it might help you to understand the process of selecting a partner.

Hi Franco

It is good to hear that you wouldn’t be less interested in someone for not being experienced. If you wouldn’t judge someone else, you should not judge yourself.

Well realistically I think that some people, not others are worried about certain things happening with people who are less experienced.

There are stereotypes of people getting overly attached too quickly. Another concern is shyness.

But I think the most important factor is mental health. Being so hard on yourself, intensely disliking yourself, being ashamed of yourself is concerning for mental health.

How do you feel about yourself in these areas?

Ultimately, a lot of people are looking to establish relationships with those who are confident, have healthy boundaries and good mental health.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Carol

It’s good to hear that you had a conversation with your friend about the issues between you and your got some closure.

You deserved to have your feelings heard. I hope that when you hang out next that things go a bit better for you and you feel less awkward.

One difficulty of trying to protect someone else’s feelings is that you can make your own life more difficult. It is a delicate balance trying to figure out the best way to handle things.

I wish you both luck in figuring things out! It has been a pleasure talking with you. 😊

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Omyk

Thank you for your kindness. Congratulations on being a minister for 25 years! You are very open minded, your community is lucky to have you.

I see, well at least the rules are very clear so you don’t really need to worry about dating.

I can understand people worrying about you and wanting you to be happy. But you are right it is complicated as a minister and it is really deciding between the life you have lead as a spiritual leader and choosing a more traditional lifestyle.

This is a massive decision and one that will take a lot of time to consider. You don’t have to worry about it right now. It sounds like you are making the right decision for you now keeping things as they are.

It sounds like people in your personal life who have been making comments aren’t really focused on you. They are giving very default advice. Sometimes when bad things happen they don’t know what to say. Or they are suggesting what they might do. It isn’t really a reflection on you.

If you look at the situation from a different perspective and understand the content of their advice isn’t important. It is just the sentiment that they want you and your child to be happy and care is all that is important. As long as you and your child are content, they ultimately won’t care what you choose.

You are right, you do have a lot on your plate already. I wish you luck in parenting and navigating the difficulties with your job.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Franco

Would you like to talk more about your insecurities then since you are feeling blocked by them? Sometimes it is helpful to let these feelings out.

I have a couple of questions for you.

This lady that you have a crush on. If she told you that she was inexperienced, how would respond?

And if a close friend confided in you that they liked someone but were shy to move forward because they were inexperienced and afraid of judgment and rejection. How would you respond?

It is nice that your friend complemented you by calling you stylish. It is not a bad thing to be called strange. People who are different are called such things. You learn to accept and celebrate that you are different.

It seems to me that you are very very hard on yourself Franco. It is hard to move forward while you are so hard on yourself. You need to treat yourself with the same compassion and care that you would treat others.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Omyk

I’m sorry to hear that your wife died. It sounds like you both had a beautiful relationship.

You are doing what is right for you when you say that you don’t want a long term partner. I don’t think that your child will suffer at all from your choice. It was wrong of people to suggest that your wife was so easily replaceable.

You feel bad about dating short term because you know that your interest will dwindle at a certain point.

Perhaps you don’t have to feel bad about it? If you wanted you could be open and honest about your intentions about dating short term. People would be understanding because of your situation. Having a nice time, meeting a new person, there is nothing wrong with that if the mood strikes you.

This next part might depend upon culture.

You don’t want to have sex because that is your boundary. That is fine. There is nothing wrong if that boundary changed one day and you decided that you did want to. Morally sex is fine without marriage. Perhaps the idea of sleeping with someone other than your wife for the first time is troubling you and something that you are not ready for?

You have done the right thing distancing yourself from this nosy friend. It is none of his business and he doesn’t get a say in how you choose to live your life.

Does it matter if you look at the dating app occasionally? If you are in the mood checking out if there is anyone that seems interesting to hang out with is not a bad thing.

Of course if you don’t want to date short term that is fine too and your boundary, your choice. In that case uninstalling the dating app would be helpful.

I’m not trying to sway you in one way or the other. Just trying to let you know that whatever you choose is okay. All you have to do is what is right for you. But if you choose to do something as opposed to not do something, you don’t have to feel bad about it.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Clara

Yes, when we have difficult childhoods we are not taught self-love, we are taught self-hatred. If a parent tells a child that they are bad. Well it must be true says the child my parent said so!

I’m glad that practicing self-love and caring for your inner child has been helpful. Keep learning more and more about self-love. It will heal you.

Yes, practicing managing difficult conversations during the meeting could be helpful. 30 minutes, 5 minutes talking each in turn with the other partner listening.

If she breaks up with you she will have to move out of your house. She could go and stay in a hotel if that happens. Or with a friend or family member.

Remember that you have not had many positive interactions recently. Before you moved out things were very difficult between you. Positive interactions are needed. Many positive interactions. At least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction is recommended for a healthy relationship.

If things go well in the meeting, she may consider trying. But seeing a therapist so you have an outlet to discuss difficulties that arise, so you are not tempted to immediately discuss them with your partner might be a good idea. The key to healing the relationship will be focusing on nurturing positive interactions and limiting negative ones. So you can both be happy. Discussing problems should happen over time piece by piece in a way that limits how much stress you are both under.

It is tempting to worry about breaking up, but the truth is that you will be fine no matter what happens. Whether you stay with your partner or face the unknown of being single and in time dating again. It will turn out for the best regardless of what happens. If things are not meant to be it would not happen. So wait and see what is going to happen next, what does fate hold in the cards for you?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏