Hi Simon

I hear that being a chef is a very demanding job. It must be tiring being on your feet all day. Do you experience any physical pain? If so, it might be worth discussing with a doctor. Even for fatigue alone, surely it couldn’t hurt getting a check up.

Since you are the owner, if space allows would you be able to get a seat to rest when possible? I hope that you have some comfortable shoes and someone helping you serve customers. It seems incredibly challenging to run a business, be a chef and raise 5 children.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian!

There are different levels of caring about others.

Kind people may care about strangers. This might involve caring about their needs being met. They may believe in treating all people with respect and kindness. Perhaps, they also care about the happiness of others. Even if all they can do is try and make you smile or laugh for a brief moment.

Caring about acquaintances might mean taking an interest in their life. Being willing to listen to any difficulties they are having. You might even do favours for each other or exchange gifts.

Caring about friends and family is obviously going to be a deeper connection. Perhaps this involves sharing private thoughts and emotions that you may be unwilling to share with others. Often, people will feel concern and want to help if a loved one is struggling.

Obviously, there are many things left out. Individuals may be willing to do different things at different levels. It is natural for some people to come and go in our lives. Ultimately, no one is forced to laugh at jokes, smile or compliment another. They do it because they want to.

Can I ask you what value the beliefs you discussed add? How do they make you feel? How do you think they would make others feel?

Previously, you mentioned distrust with meeting new people. Where do you think this level of  distrust comes from?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian!

I’m curious about what you would like to improve on?

I previously suggested that consistent behaviour is important.

My husband is a Buddhist that recovered from depression and a very positive person, most of the people in my life suffer from depression, amongst other mental health issues.

Initially, they felt that he wasn’t genuine because their own perspectives are radically different. It took time for people to understand that he is is just the way he is.

Of course, there are some people who don’t mean what they say. Who are being pleasant on the surface only. There are also many genuinely kind and polite people. It takes simply takes time to understand the nature of a person.

Hi Tommy!

Thank you for sharing. You are entitled to your own opinions. Personally, I feel like your definition of positivity would be better described as morality and courage. Whilst positivity absolutely can be an action, I stand by my previous comment about it also being related to thoughts and beliefs. Please allow me to clarify.

Many people experience automatic thoughts. Depression and traumatic experiences tend to shape unhealthy thoughts and beliefs. This can result in unhealthy behaviours.

My experiences on the journey of recovering from my own mental health issues involved changing these negative automatic thoughts and reframing them from a healthier perspective. This resulted in a more positive attitude which  fostered healthier behaviours.

Hi Brian

Lovely speaking with you again!

Personally, I find that positivity is about challenging unhealthy thoughts and beliefs.

I’ve always had difficulty with positive affirmations if I don’t believe them to be true.

I do find practicing gratitude helpful. Also, writing positive things about myself enabled me to develop self-compassion.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about positivity too.

Hi Brian!

I would say that a caring person probably practices similar social cues. The difference being that they actually care.

Some people are happy to listen to others and see small talk as a way to connect. You do learn a lot about people by listening to how they are feeling, what is happening in their lives and what they enjoy.

I would suggest that consistency is key. Obviously, sometimes people are going to be busy, or have other things on their mind. But if someone frequently listens with interest and  encourages further conversation by asking relevant questions, I would suggest they genuinely care. No one is forced to interact to others. It’s relatively easy to refuse to participate in small talk or interact in a very limited way.

Retaining information is another way to show you care. Small talk might be quite a short conversation but if you remember details from previous conversations; events, names etc it shows interest. For example, “How was X’s party?”.

I would add that social interaction has many nuances depending upon the type and quality of relationship people share. Often, people are more comfortable sharing innermost thoughts with friends and family. Whereas it might be inappropriate sharing private thoughts with co-workers unless the relationship is particularly close or they share similar values.

Hi Kristina

Just letting you know that tinybuddha isn’t necessarily a site devoted to Buddhist philosophy. It’s self-help website with a dash of spirituality.

There may be some Buddhist members. But I’m really not sure how many.

Dear Anonymous

It seems like you’re on a journey to understand what you want in relationships. Ultimately, this is what dating is about.

Long distance relationships in particular are very tricky. Although you may feel attached to someone and even feel like you know them, very often this is not the case. The nature of the relationship is that two people are living very separate lives, they communicate and meet because they get something positive from the experience.

Traditional dating milestones exist to get to know someone. It is very hard to know someone without spending a great deal of time together in person. I would even go as far as to say you only truly know someone until you’ve lived together and seen them experience hardship.

Please do not say that someone is emotionless or unable to have relationships because the relationship didn’t work out. Statistically, long distance relationships often fail for a number of reasons. Even people who legitimately experience emotional numbing as a result of trauma or a mental health condition still have emotions, they’re simply somewhat detached from them to protect themselves from intense pain.

I hope in the future you choose to invest in a relationship that is more stable and figure out what you would like from a relationship, instead of idealising a person. May your next relationship bring you both joy!