I had thought I was doing okay at work, but I am burning out.  I had to sleep over at work last night.  I had a very interrupted sleep with one client burning and another up at 4.30am.  I accidentally gave w people their evening meds instead of morning meds at around 6am – working on my own. I can see how the mistake was made also as those 2 clients both crowd around you in the morning. One of them is obsessed with my hair and kept touching it.

I hope I dont lose my job over this.  It’s possible.  I was going to go back to work to fill in for somebody who has a sick child, but I had to c small back and say I can’t come.  I have a cold sore on my mouth and feeling very run down.

I don’t have the date yet to go into hospital.  I have leave owing to me and feels like forever since I h ad a holiday.

I even woke through t he night dreaming that a client had come into my room.

The facility had requested a roster review some time ago, as we have to do more 12 hour shifts and sleepovers than most places. There is young lady who works there too, and she has told me she is burning out. She has a baby who is sick at the moment.

The majority of the staff are very nice except for one guy who is so rude and smug.  He was taking over from me this morning and very rude. When I had to call back to say I can’t do the fill in, he told me about the medication error..this is a serious mistake to make. It means they had sleeping pills in the morning.  Though they both normally are up at 5.2pam, don’t know if they will sleep much.

There is a thunderstorm about to hit here today, and I’m glad I won’t be driving the 35kms each way in bad weather for that shift.

I have become aware too that I need to curtail my checking up of the Ukraine situation because of the feelings of illnesses right now. News this morning that Australia’s most famous ex-cricketer died overnight in Thailand while holidaying.  He had a heart attack and was only 52 years old. I would think he will be given a state funeral. So hard to believe.  Male friend only 48 years old died from a heart attack in his sleep last year.

I think it’s because of so much stress we live under. I have known I couldn’t work these hours forever, but I’m upset to have made this mistake, and I will have to front up to authority on it. I hope I dont lose my job. I may have to go to other facility – if I don’t get sacked from the organisation.

Hello Anita,

I am feeling right now that I am becoming well.  I have had tomes of feeling this in the last, but I think it was always when I was in a new relationship with a man.

Despite the medical issues and not being in relationship, and knowing that I may never be, I feel happy right now – a type of contented happiness.

I know that it’s largely because I have been able to share my true self here and experience acceptance, and receive sound advice.

Through our the days, I have been envisaging a warm green light healing my heart, and I v want to learn to do more meditations.

I knowcIm way too busy with work, and hope at some time to be able to take a holiday, and not have to work so many 12 hour shifts and sleepovers, but it’s a what I have to to do right now for financial reasons.

I am aware that I have felt resentment and indignation towards G, the wealthy farmer I was involved with because he could not live me.  He didn’t offer mn e anything teal or worthwhile.  It was definitely in my interests to move on from me.  After I told him I was done, and blocked him, he was texted me months later asking if we were still friends.  I didn’t reply.  I wasn’t going down that or any other oath with him – I had done that before, and each time I got more hurt until I just couldn’t t a me it any more and I just went numb.  I heard recently that he is “going out with somebody knew”. I felt my ego responding inside, and thats all it was.

I was so desperate for love that I “fell in love” more than once without getting to know people well enough, and finding out if we indeed were compatible and if there were worthwhile relationship qualities possible. I really don’t ever want to do that again.

I’m at home tonight.  Dogs are on the bed with me.  I’m having a facial and massage at a salon in the morning. Then I have a vet appointment and back to work Friday.  I’m so appreciative of the time to be able to sleep and relax.  I’m so grateful for my dogs, my friend Rosemarie, for you and this forum, my home and SO many more things.

I hope it will be okay for me to continue v to post and ask questions even though I’m feeling so much better.

Thank you Anita, for all you give – your kindness and intelligence and empathy.  I hope your day has been good.  Thank you also Pink and Peter. 🙂

Hi Anita,

Trump is a lunatic, and Zelinski is so different to both Trump and Putin and Morrison.  I really like Jacinda Adern of New Zealand.  Yes, it was disheartening to read of more casualties.  I still have hope. Putin will go but obviously the sooner better.  I read more about the submissions to send Putin for trial for war crimes, and that is going through processes.  He has now enraged Jews all over the world by bombing very close to a holocaust memorial.

Yes flooding not near mebut in cities where family live but they are all okay and not in the places where it is the worst.

I went to surgeon today and all is good. I haven’t seen him for a couple of years, but I do like him.  He is at the top of his field, was very friendly and remembered me. I then went to the hospital and submitted all of the paperwork. He tells me probably be in about one month.  Good news is that I shouldn’t have to stay on hospital long at all.  May be a month.

He said he will take a sample of what he called “a nodule” then burn the rest away. He said that is most likely all he will have to do but it depends on the pathology results.  He said some types have roots, and if it does, I will then go back in and he will take out more.  He says I am “on a watch list for 5-10 years”. He was very positive, and I feel in good safe hands.

Hi Anita,

I hope you had a nice walk.  It’s 7.30pm here.  I’m very tired right now.

My dog has pneumonia and vet has prescribed 2 types of antibiotics and an increased dose of his fluid tablets. He has seemed improved this evening, and I have another appointment for him next Monday.  It’s so nice to be back home with them.

I’m working 12-7pm tomorrow then a day off and travel again to see the surgeon.

The universe sent me a reminder of something important today. My manager (male) was a telling us that his wife has been repeatedly asking him if She can get a little dog, but he has said no. I was reminded that I don’t have to ask permission for what I want to do in my own home.  I remember too that when I was married, a close friend was a music teacher and wanted to give m e lessons for free.  My husband informed that I wouldn’t be h saving them because he wasn’t going to put up with hearing me practice. I told him how much I wanted to learn. Son was very young at the time and we were living in an iso played community.  Im shocked at myself  that I didn’t just do it.  I seemed to think I needed his permission. Seems bizarre now, but things like that make me grateful to have my own space.

A few months ago, I bought myself a piano/pianola. I think in the USA, they are sometimes referred to as player pianos.  I have started slowly collecting rolls.  I have an Elton John song, Peter Allen and my favourite – “I Say A Little Prayer for You” (Aretha Franklin).  I would like the to get more rolls of 70s onwards.  Eventually when I have more time, I will learn piano.

Oh Peter, that is beautiful.  Thank you.