Dear Dreaming,

I feel for you.  I have been in relationships where there was a mismatch of libido, and I ended up unhappy in those relationships, and their sloppy sex habits did effect the way I felt about myself.  Looking back,  for me,  it is reasonable grounds to walk away.  I stayed longer than I should have.  There would be short periods of time when things would improve,  but there is no way I ever will go back to a relationship with those issues.

You touch on also that as well as libido,  for whatever reason,  your partner doesnt have much of an interest in satisfying you with sex the way you want it.

I can assure you that there are men out there with not only high libidos,  but who really get off on satisfying their women – and they like being with women who are the same as them.

I am in a relationship at present where the sex is the best  I have ever had. Its too early for me to know if the relationship will be long term and emotionally satisfying.

Regardless,  what I definitely have gained from this relationship is the knowledge that as far as sex goes,  I dont want to settle for less in the sex departmrlent than what I am presently getting.

Regarding books,  videos,  etc – the men I was with werent interested – thats “work” to them.

The fact is,  your partner is not up to scratch as far as sex goes – unless of course,  he is with a woman as disinterested in it as he is.

More often than not,  when babies and mortgages come along, the amount of sex and quality of it decreases.

He might be great in every other way,  but obviously you are a woman who sex is important to, and Im sure you know that you need to weigh up just how important it is.

Frankly,  nobody should be in a relationship where they are deprived of sex,  and at 29, tha s a shame.

All the best.

Hi Risha,

This sounds very much like stalking to me – calling you one hundred times and coming into your office with accusations.  I think you need to take it up with management and have a stop put to it.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Dear Ella,

Im sorry for what you are going through.  Is it an option for you to sell the home,  and move closer to ppeople you know who care about you.

I know life is so difficult for you right now,  but at some point,  when your oldest child goes to school,  the child care will be a lot less for you – that is,  if you decide to go.

Your husband sounds like a person not suitable for marriage to say the least.  I was with a person a long time ago who said and did the same types of things.  Thankfully. I wasnt able to have children with him.  The thought of him today totally grosses out, and I think at some point,  you are likely to feel similar.

You are not second best. You are likely  not ugly either.  If he was once so attracted to you,  then you were probably beautiful in many ways,  and a good catch.  Your career sounds very impressive.

I I hope you can make contact with family and/or friends who can help support you in practical ways.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Dear Ladybug,

Im sorry for your unhappiness.

I hope this doesnt come across as too blunt – Im not always good at expressing myself.

Anyway,  I was wondering if you have ever wondered if your relationship is really based more on unhealthy dependence rather than compatibility.  I dont just mean your boyfriends dependence on you,  but it seems to me that there is an unhealthy dynamic between you both – as though you are trying to fix him – a bird with a broken wing so to speak.

I think its more likely there is no identity crisis – more that you both want different things.  I think that your boyfriend may sense that but because he is also dependent on you,  he has remained with you.

Just my thoughts.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Dear Tom,

I too grew up in a family where there was a lot of yelling.  As an adult,  I really dislike being around yelling. Whilst there may be somr situations occasionally such as work,  I choose not to have aggressive people in my life.

I have had volatile partners of varying degrees in my life,  and I have turned my back on all of that.  My current love interest is a quiet man who says he does not like drama.  He too does not like yelling.

He is the quitest,  calmest man I have been with so far,  and that is the biggest attraction for me.  He says he is attracted to my kindness. There are other attractions between us,  and Im hoping this is going to be long-term.  It is so much nicer to be with a person like that.

Life is short.  We should spend our time with people who ee can dhare peace and happiness with.

Dear Shelbyville,

Considering the short space of time since your breakup,  your level of grief and anxiety is normal.

For a while,  it can feel just like life is one foot in front of the other.  Be kind to yourself as you would to a dear friend.  Eat well., take gentle exercise,  practice relaxation and mindfulness.   Know that you will not always feel this way,  and that your life is unfolding.  If not already,  then in time,  you will take valuable life lessons and growth from this experience which will help move you towards a more suitable partner.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Number 2 sounds the logical choice to me.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by HoneyBlossom.

Hugs Risha,

Even though you are very sad and hurting right now,  I am so glad you are not with him (or his parents).  One day,  likely sooner than you think,  you will count your blessings tto be rid of him.   Now you can look forward to meeting somebody worthy of you.

He is a Baby Man,  still tied to his mothers apron strings.  I pity this girl who is with him.   He will treat her the same as he has treated you,  and it will be harder for her to be rid of him.

There is a better future ahead for you.