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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,621 through 1,635 (of 2,505 total)
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  • October 28, 2015 at 4:47 am in reply to: what happened in the last 3.5 months? #86301
    Inky
    Participant

    Now you’re thinking too much about thinking too much! LOL

    Mya, you’re different, but in a good way!

    Don’t worry, eventually they’ll catch up! The partying lifestyle comes to an end for everyone. Even them!

    Yes, be naturally cautious, but take things at face value. Don’t take things personally.

    October 28, 2015 at 4:41 am in reply to: Addicted to Relationships? #86299
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Danielle,

    What you’re describing is an Emotional Habit. In this case, feeling In Love, or being In Love with Love.

    It’s not WRONG, per se, but don’t beat yourself over the head with it like a club.

    I suggest meditation. A group or a class. Or even by yourself if need be. See how long you can sit with your mind turned OFF. Feelings are OK, but don’t label the feelings in your mind. The mind is OFF. This will break the loop.

    Also read or reread The Power of Now.

    And maybe (hopefully) something will capture your attention so completely and so utterly, that you forget about Feeling in Love/Love.

    And that’s ironically when you’re most likely to meet someone! 😉

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 27, 2015 at 4:42 am in reply to: what happened in the last 3.5 months? #86191
    Inky
    Participant

    Oh Mya,

    These people haven’t grown up yet! You keep being YOU:

    Independent, strong, monogamous, loving, truthful.

    But please cast yourself free from these people!!

    October 27, 2015 at 4:36 am in reply to: Lies… #86190
    Inky
    Participant

    P.S. Yes I believe in intuition and vibes. If you sense she’s lying to you, simply make a note of it and act accordingly, but don’t let that trigger you into a downward spiral!

    There’s a book The Four Agreements, and one of the Agreements is not to take things personally. I have to master that one as it is the hardest thing. So hard I don’t even remember the other three Agreements!! LOL!

    October 27, 2015 at 4:30 am in reply to: Lies… #86188
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi TriangleSun,

    When we lie it’s because we think that the other person can’t be trusted with the truth. That their reaction would be far worse than the lie. That telling the truth wouldn’t be worth it.

    The other thing that’s going on is there are so many definitions of love. Only if you were inside this girl’s body and mind would you be able to truly ascertain if, in what way, and how much she did love you.

    A third thing is that you are making assumptions about how she really feels. Now, if my loved one, for instance, said I was someone they genuinely liked, I’d take that as a compliment! However, I too have had someone say I “was a really good friend” right before they broke up with me. And boy do I know how THAT feels!!

    But because of the ex-fiancé, you are already highly sensitive.

    Her marrying her rebound only speaks to her desperation (did she want to start a family before it was biologically too late? Was she “making up for lost time”? Combatting a sense of failure on her part?). There is nothing wrong with you as far as I can tell, but her marrying someone SO soon makes me wonder about HER!

    I would work on your emotional reactions and sensitivity. You are taking things (perhaps?) way too personally! I know it FEELS personal, but unless you can inhabit the other person’s body and mind, you don’t know the whole stories!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 26, 2015 at 8:10 am in reply to: Helping our Aging Parents #86108
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Di,

    Invest in a storage unit. Have it be your “basement” or “attic”. Don’t even think about it, just dump all the stuff in boxes.

    Once a month, open ONE box, and hang or display ONE item when she visits (only show her the one item and ask where you should put it). And truthfully tell her that it is so overwhelming that you would rather “honor” each box, one at a time, and take YOUR time, that is why the rest is in boxes in storage/attic/basement! The rest of the stuff in the box discreetly donate, sell, or throw away. If you are afraid of parental fallout, keep in the storage unit until she is truly elderly.

    That is what I would do.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 25, 2015 at 6:02 am in reply to: Confused and lonely #86019
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi emily86,

    I would do two things:

    1. Join Meetups and hire a professional matchmaker (easier to find if you live near a city). Go to events. Join clubs and a place of worship. Get involved in your town. Yes, this is tremendously out of your comfort zone, but it will be easier the more you do it. When you go to events and Meetups, don’t be “on the prowl”. Go and have a good time and talk to the most likely people, men and women.

    2. Tell the people you meet (see #1), friends and family that you are single and interested in meeting someone. If you know 100 people, then they will know 100 people… that’s 10,000 people!! Out of 10,000 someone should know someone just right for you!

    Don’t lose hope ~ I was set up ~ as a joke ~ to my DH. Imagine the prankster’s surprise when my complete opposite and I got along like a house on fire! “You were supposed to date her and have everyone mad at you, not get invited to Thanksgiving dinner!!” he said to DH in a huff. True story. And you see, you never know.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 24, 2015 at 6:11 am in reply to: Shopping to fill a void ? #85997
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Zita,

    There’s a saying, “You can have/do/see/be everything, but not all at once.”

    What I do for things that I shamelessly or shamefully adore is to make it into an event, not a habit.

    So I like smoking and iPhone games. I only do them, however, at eight specific times a year and at the random times when my DH goes on a business trip. That way I have something to look forward to AND there is that element of surprise! Those days are then wasted, basically! Otherwise if I do them “whenever” my life really would be sad.

    For shopping ~ Mark your calendars in advance! Every month and a half buy ONE outfit or ONE expensive piece! If you spend more than a certain amount (only you know what that is) you’ve gone too far. Use budgeting as a game ~ to get the best deals for the best look. Use that time in between shopping to figure out what you REALLY want and need.

    Of course, you’re going to have to do something to fill in the void between mall trips.

    And DON’T put yourself down for being single and in graduate school! I had a family at twenty five and now have to figure out “what I’ll be when I grow up”. I wish I were in grad school, actually!

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 23, 2015 at 10:03 am in reply to: what happened in the last 3.5 months? #85956
    Inky
    Participant

    I think you have to cast him loose. He’s either not interested, a player, confused, is immature, and/or is being manipulated.

    He’s not ready to handle being in a relationship with you, or probably anyone!

    Wouldn’t you want to be with someone who gives clear signals, who’s loyal, mature, decisive and knows his own mind instead?

    I would not want to be at a party where he’s at. What for, so he can try to make you jealous again?

    Let him contact you and meet with him in private ~ if you’d want to!

    October 23, 2015 at 6:52 am in reply to: what happened in the last 3.5 months? #85939
    Inky
    Participant

    I don’t like that she’s got this tight hold on him.

    If you want to play the game, you too could invite him to a big event/festival, pick him up at the airport, have him stay in your place, etc.

    But this girl INVENTED the game!!

    Now, I’m non-confrontational. If it were me, I would be honest, and tell him you want to meet up. Don’t do it by text or phone. Make plans in person. “WHEN can we meet up? Saturday sounds great. See you then.”

    Or, you could let him do all the work. That sounds unbearably painful, as he could just ignore you again. If you want to drop him, just be polite when you see him.

    Or, change the script and DON’T be at the party/parties at all!!! Text him and say, “Can’t make it. Swing by my place at 10 PM before I turn in.” Or “Can’t make it. Text/call me tomorrow AM if you want to get together this weekend.”

    Good Luck

    October 23, 2015 at 5:06 am in reply to: what happened in the last 3.5 months? #85930
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Mya,

    Two things are going on here:

    1. You slept with this boy too soon. Call me old fashioned, but when you do that the Weirdness Factor jumps up and they start freaking out. Especially because he had been a player before.

    2. YES, this friend IS the Queen Bee, and wants all the attention to herself!! You will never date someone from that friend group because she won’t let that happen! She probably DID say something to suddenly turn him cold toward you. It worked too, because he easily reverted back to old bad habits. She doesn’t like or love these boys. It’s all about control.

    DON’T tell her you’re interested in anyone, or their names.
    Find someone OUTSIDE of that group, and don’t even introduce him.
    In fact, find a different group!
    And if you do like someone in the group, see them ONE ON ONE, AWAY from the group setting!!

    I am sorry this happened to you.

    Dump this girl as your friend, and if you do ever see this boy again, have it be one on one, not in a party setting.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 22, 2015 at 4:50 am in reply to: I made a video about a technique to help with difficult emotions #85839
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Oscar,

    Nice video making!

    For me though, the Mental Noting would not work. I may feel what I think is anger, but if I label it “Anger” I entrench more energy into it, and if it’s really, say, fear masquerading as anger, I again don’t want to label it, especially incorrectly!

    I let emotions wash over me, and if anything, do note the situation itself, what’s going on, aside from whatever I may be feeling, and respond accordingly.

    Of course, if I have an emotion that feels like *panic/fear/heightened alert* I honor that if it comes on suddenly. I don’t label it though because for me it is just one more step.

    I either don’t need the exercise in the video or am not there yet. But I like your delivery and style. Maybe watch out for what could be perceived as sarcasm (the Dharma scene and the rhetorical guy asking questions.)

    Good Luck on your Projects!

    Inky

    October 21, 2015 at 9:13 am in reply to: Do you think we need a moderator here on TB? #85786
    Inky
    Participant

    I think it’s great to be a Cause Fighter. And there should be Cause Fighters.

    But this is akin to a person buying a kitten and someone saying, “Put the kitten down or give it to a responsible person because animal abuse and neglect is an epidemic”.

    And the person (rightly shocked by all this) feels like a bit of a criminal (but she’s not) and is all, “I love animals! Not only would I not abuse or neglect one, I am choosing to take one in.”

    Someone: “According to you past post I perceive your life is in shambles. Put the kitten down or give it to someone else. Please look into legal options.”

    Person: “I didn’t ask about any of that, I was asking about how to calm myself and the kitten.”

    Not only did it not make sense, but it was hurtful to the poster.

    It’s kind of like asking, “Where were you on Tuesday the 19th/ at 8PM before you murdered Mr. Smith?”

    Person: “Wait ~ What-what did I do now??? And who in the world is Mr. Smith??”

    I think we can all agree that the forums should primarily be a safe place. Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.

    And yes, Anita, I also agree with you that if you’re going to have an abortion do it quickly, and if you’re going to have a child make sure you’re the absolutely BEST parent you can, should, and would be!!

    Blessings

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.
    October 21, 2015 at 4:59 am in reply to: Do you think we need a moderator here on TB? #85764
    Inky
    Participant

    Please re-read what I wrote in that post, everyone. It was fine.

    October 21, 2015 at 4:38 am in reply to: Do you think we need a moderator here on TB? #85762
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jack,

    I did not insult, I did not disrespect, I did not name call, I was not arrogant, and I did not diminish or put anyone down.

    I *DID* act as an umpire/”moderator” (yes, I agree we need one) to tell even a well beloved community member that they were out of line.

    You don’t tell a woman to consider abortion/adoption in that context.

    If you think our friend is/was upset by me saying she “was a little over the top”, what about that poor woman?

    Peace,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Inky.
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