Hi jack,

When someone goes on and on about their success/fame/money, it shows their insecurity! Like if they didn’t have success/fame/money I wouldn’t even talk to them. Or more aggressively, that they are using it to put me in my place. Usually I hear that kind of stuff at parties. Or from my sister (LOL). I just block it out and move to the punch bowl and turn in early.

I don’t long for power in relationships as much as I want respect and connection. Being truly seen and heard.

My “currency” is my family. I put them first and brag about them if I do that sort of talk at all.

Best,

Inky

Hi jack,

Oh sure! I’m the worst for obsessive thoughts. I liken it to a dog worrying a chew toy, or a cat gnawing on carpet tassels. I had a cat that would unthinkingly gnaw on them a few minutes a day. Well five years later the habit was broken as there were no more tassels left!! (Yes I fed her LOL).

It’s only when it interferes with everyday life that it becomes a problem.

The coffee shop scene could also be indicative of social anxiety disorder. Look, either you truly offended someone by being rude, or you merely thought you did. And so what if they wanted you to leave? Were you afraid of them creating a scene if they kicked you out? I know it’s just one example, but it pertains to every time you go out of the house.

I say we both create To Do lists and concentrate on the lists. Then we can ruminate when we get home to calm ourselves down!! (Or wind ourselves up! LOL)

Best,

Inky

Hi Danielle,

What you’re describing is an Emotional Habit. In this case, feeling In Love, or being In Love with Love.

It’s not WRONG, per se, but don’t beat yourself over the head with it like a club.

I suggest meditation. A group or a class. Or even by yourself if need be. See how long you can sit with your mind turned OFF. Feelings are OK, but don’t label the feelings in your mind. The mind is OFF. This will break the loop.

Also read or reread The Power of Now.

And maybe (hopefully) something will capture your attention so completely and so utterly, that you forget about Feeling in Love/Love.

And that’s ironically when you’re most likely to meet someone! 😉

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

P.S. Yes I believe in intuition and vibes. If you sense she’s lying to you, simply make a note of it and act accordingly, but don’t let that trigger you into a downward spiral!

There’s a book The Four Agreements, and one of the Agreements is not to take things personally. I have to master that one as it is the hardest thing. So hard I don’t even remember the other three Agreements!! LOL!

Hi Di,

Invest in a storage unit. Have it be your “basement” or “attic”. Don’t even think about it, just dump all the stuff in boxes.

Once a month, open ONE box, and hang or display ONE item when she visits (only show her the one item and ask where you should put it). And truthfully tell her that it is so overwhelming that you would rather “honor” each box, one at a time, and take YOUR time, that is why the rest is in boxes in storage/attic/basement! The rest of the stuff in the box discreetly donate, sell, or throw away. If you are afraid of parental fallout, keep in the storage unit until she is truly elderly.

That is what I would do.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Zita,

There’s a saying, “You can have/do/see/be everything, but not all at once.”

What I do for things that I shamelessly or shamefully adore is to make it into an event, not a habit.

So I like smoking and iPhone games. I only do them, however, at eight specific times a year and at the random times when my DH goes on a business trip. That way I have something to look forward to AND there is that element of surprise! Those days are then wasted, basically! Otherwise if I do them “whenever” my life really would be sad.

For shopping ~ Mark your calendars in advance! Every month and a half buy ONE outfit or ONE expensive piece! If you spend more than a certain amount (only you know what that is) you’ve gone too far. Use budgeting as a game ~ to get the best deals for the best look. Use that time in between shopping to figure out what you REALLY want and need.

Of course, you’re going to have to do something to fill in the void between mall trips.

And DON’T put yourself down for being single and in graduate school! I had a family at twenty five and now have to figure out “what I’ll be when I grow up”. I wish I were in grad school, actually!

Good Luck!

Inky

I don’t like that she’s got this tight hold on him.

If you want to play the game, you too could invite him to a big event/festival, pick him up at the airport, have him stay in your place, etc.

But this girl INVENTED the game!!

Now, I’m non-confrontational. If it were me, I would be honest, and tell him you want to meet up. Don’t do it by text or phone. Make plans in person. “WHEN can we meet up? Saturday sounds great. See you then.”

Or, you could let him do all the work. That sounds unbearably painful, as he could just ignore you again. If you want to drop him, just be polite when you see him.

Or, change the script and DON’T be at the party/parties at all!!! Text him and say, “Can’t make it. Swing by my place at 10 PM before I turn in.” Or “Can’t make it. Text/call me tomorrow AM if you want to get together this weekend.”

Good Luck

Hi Oscar,

Nice video making!

For me though, the Mental Noting would not work. I may feel what I think is anger, but if I label it “Anger” I entrench more energy into it, and if it’s really, say, fear masquerading as anger, I again don’t want to label it, especially incorrectly!

I let emotions wash over me, and if anything, do note the situation itself, what’s going on, aside from whatever I may be feeling, and respond accordingly.

Of course, if I have an emotion that feels like *panic/fear/heightened alert* I honor that if it comes on suddenly. I don’t label it though because for me it is just one more step.

I either don’t need the exercise in the video or am not there yet. But I like your delivery and style. Maybe watch out for what could be perceived as sarcasm (the Dharma scene and the rhetorical guy asking questions.)

Good Luck on your Projects!

Inky