Hi anita,

OK, #5 examples:

1. People in certain religious communities DO shun each other (Amish, Jehovah’s Witness) if you step out of line. The future can be bleak, especially if you were born in the faith, to function in the outside world. Now imagine if you were a hunter-gatherer from a million years ago and displeased the group or the leaders. That really was life or death.

2. In the wild, or even in early America with the pioneers, it was usually the LONE person out in the wilderness who wouldn’t survive. It doesn’t matter how tough you are, things can go tragically wrong. If you have another person, they can take care of you or send for help.

So I think it’s literally bred in the bone, people pleasing, and being hard on yourself.

And #6, Time:

Well, when we ruminate, or don’t focus on other things, yes, we are far more likely to think about “whatever” and before we know it, beat ourselves up! Even driving in the car, listening to tear-jerky music can trigger a “Poor Me” thought, and then “If only” to “I shouldn’t have done that”, as an example! It is so important to focus, not as a form of denial, but as a form of boundaries, to protect our emotions. i.e. “NO! I WON’T go there! I DON’T accept that!” Then focus on other things.

Hi Trixie,

Of course everyone hopes you do fail! This is passive aggressiveness at its worst. They want the factory and thus the business to fail even if it means it will affect their bread and butter!

You can do two things:

One is to document when you met with her and what times (even to the best of your recollection!!), how long she met with you and what she taught/showed you. Have a lot of question marks ~ where you don’t know the answers or protocol. Same with other people. The boss or factory head will see the passive aggressiveness and that it’s affecting business!

The other thing is to make friends with at least one other person at the place ~ who can help you. Take them out for coffee/lunch/have them over. Don’t talk about business. But when you need help, ask them. Next month have them over/take them out again.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

Oh Sapnap3!!!

My heart goes out to you. I had a mean woman in a position of power be mean to me and it took me years to get over it!!

OK, $$$: Put $$$ aside in investments. It will grow above the rate of inflation. And the trick is: Don’t dip into the principle!!

If you haven’t, put another 1/3 into Savings.

Now you will seem more broke than you are, but you will want/need that $$$ one day!!

Find an under the table job once you’re in Ireland. Like, babysit a kid for one afternoon/evening a week.

I hate to say it, but maybe find a nice Irish man when you’re there. Go on 12 dates. Then pick the most likely guy. Hate to be all scientific/play the numbers about it but you will want to up the romance department if you want kids!!

Your confidence: Time, time, and more time. One day WE will be among the older people in any room. That helps. A lot.

That Woman: What can I say. The women who get in positions of power often have had to be a little shark-y to GET in that position in the first place! Maybe be proactive: invite her out to coffee, ask if she NEEDS coffee, remember her birthday/anniversary, etc. BUT *don’t* be all kiss azz about it! Maybe once a week or once a month give her a kind gesture/word/favor. It can’t hurt and might help!

Best,

Inky

Hi jack,

Sometimes the situation is so bad people go numb from it. Other people will feel the pain in exquisite detail forever. I mean for day to day life it would be physically and financially harder on the victim. The driver though has the choice ~ do I beat myself up over this or let it go? What he does is then up to his personality, upbringing, and even faith.

Best,

Inky

Add: At 28-30, we go through our Saturn Return. When Saturn comes back to where it was when we were born, we are pushed or pulled up to the next Level in our lives, whether we’re ready or not! (Don’t feel bad ~ I wasn’t ready either! LOL). This is when people have disasters, get married, have kids, change careers, do something great, move, or even have a crisis of faith like you did.

Again, ride through it. You are actually on cosmic “schedule”.

Hi David,

But it IS an electronic relationship, Dear One! It does not take the place of chemistry, of meeting face to face, or of being in close proximity with someone. My college roommate had an electronic relationship (way before Skype!). She went out to visit him. And as much as they got along (like you, for over a year) it fell flat. And even if they got along famously, there was that distance thing.

Now this was two people who BOTH wanted it to work! Your quasi-GF broke up with you. Yes, she did! And you never met!

You could get a job or go to school near where she lives. Or even vacation there on your own, and force a meeting. But then you’d be a stalker. SHE has to want it too. She doesn’t.

My advice is to shut off your computer, and don’t communicate with her via email, text, social media or Skype. And if you do, it should be to tell her one thing:

“Don’t text/email/FB/Skype or talk to me unless and until you want to meet IRL.”

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

“Be Strong and of Good Courage” ~ from the Old Testament.

“Things will turn out one way or another”. So why worry??

Can I just add: The VP is a BULLY and bullies bully only because they THINK they can get away with it! But once you are made VISIBLE and a REPRESENTATIVVE, of sorts, for the school, then his darkness can’t live in the light!! Of course you have to do your part, like have a maddening habit of showing up for all your classes so he can’t kick you out, but you know what I mean!!