Hi El,

Oh my. So much. TOO much!

You know, there is a reason why people are called Highschool Sweethearts. It’s because that was in high school. And you were sweethearts. WERE. In HS he didn’t know you’d come down with mental health issues (NO judgment here! NONE!) and you didn’t know he’d become a drug dealer who played mind games. You outgrew each other. It’s as simple as that. And you are both trying to fit into old shoes that’s you’ve outgrown. What was once comfortable and everyday became old, shabby and painful.

What I would do is switch cell phone numbers, tell your mother you’re not talking to him, stay off social media and live your NEW life to the fullest! Live as a college aged girl ~ and have fun!!

If you want to be “fair” tell him through text before you switch off your number that it’s getting old, and that you are going on vacation and you wish him well. Then, LEAVE! Travel or visit friends or relatives. Get some wind in your hair for perspective and to forget him before you come back.

Best,

Inky

Hi Elle,

I would make a list of all the things, people and places you liked before him. List thirty things/people/places!! I’m serious.

Then list thirty things, people and places you wanted or planned to see/enjoy in the future that have nothing to do with him!

When you do this you should feel an inspired burst of happiness and optimism.

Then, do and see those things/people/places!

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi J,

Yes, I had bought a Zentangle book and used it as a tool. Though it’s not my style, I am making a point of learning new things/techniques. Let’s see if I can upload something…

http://www.suburbanmysticmom.com/suburban-mystic-mom/2015/05/my-crazy-conversion-experience-saved-in-the-suburbs-of-connecticut-christ-moves-in-fairfield-county.html

OK, this is a cross I made using the Zentangle technique, and I think it captures the crazy wild yet awesome feeling I got when I was suddenly baptized in the Spirit!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

Oh Dear Lord Nicole!

I know EXACTLY how you feel! Even as a grown 40 something year old woman I have recently had this.

One neighbor, C, started calling me “BEST FRIEND”, really emphasizing the words. I felt kind of forced to say that back to her. I hemmed and hawed and said something like, “Well my childhood friend J is my historic best friend, and you are my best friend in this town, that’s for sure!” Now, that wasn’t entirely true, as I could easily say that to two other people in town! I think she got the hint and backed off.

But THEN! We were at an event and I saw my dear friend B, who used to be my neighbor. We both have the same kind of mixed heritage and background, so we “get” each other. Now, I never talk on and on about B, or even barely mention her. But C was totally threatened! She was all, “That’s enough of B!” when I’m all, “Let’s sit together”.

Now, being 40-ish, that’s a drag. I will now forever have to strategically plan get togethers and parties where they will not only be sparate, but so they each won’t hear about it (especially C!!). Thankfully everyone is saddled with kids so it’s not a big deal. But jealousy IS the most annoying feeling in the world! Understandable for romance NOT friendship IMO!

I would call your friend’s bluff and say, “I have several friends, actually, as you do. Your reaction is really weird. So I WON’T mention E! I think you made the best decision for both of us, S.”

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi There!

You need to take the job, sweetheart.

Not to compare us to birds, but ~ A woman wants to have a nest. But a man needs to be able to build one.

Tell her that you ARE, in fact, doing this for her. Love never ends, you see. She can handle this. And you need to do this.

Inky

Hi kinghenry95,

Yes, I tell my family that Buddhism is a train of thought/philosophy/way of thinking. With Buddhism, you don’t have to pick and choose. There is no Either/Or. There are Protestant Buddhists, Jewish Buddhists and even Catholic Buddhists. It’s best if you come from a place of being an expert rather than asking for permission. In a few years when you’ve read and experienced a lot in this, hold a workshop in your church called (let’s say you’re Protestant) “Protestant Buddhists ~ Putting God into Buddhist Thought” or something like that. So when you “come out” and they start questioning/judging you can say, “You should really come to my workshop on this on the 27th/!” 😉

There are books that show the similarities between what Jesus said and what Buddha says.

Have Buddhist and Eastern coffee table books. Give to your parents because the images are so beautiful. If they open it up the book may explain the “Tao/Now” and Buddha’s history. But not what to believe!

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

Hi oregonguy,

Believe it or not, I’m sure your parents understand and chalk it up to youth/immaturity. After all, if you’re 30 years older than someone, you will always think of them as a “kid” going through a “phase”. LOL

My dad expressed remorse to me years and years and years after my grandmother had died. He admitted that he was a little mean to his MIL and regrets it so much. I told him I’m sure she understood and was more forgiving about it than he thought. She never brought up any bad times and only spoke about him with love and affection!

Strive to do better and you’ll do better in time.

Inky

Hi Again,

I would leave:

1. When Respect is not there. Contempt, anger, invalidating ~ those are deal breakers for me.

2. When there is infidelity, physical or emotional. Caveat: I have kids now so I would actually stay in the marriage until the last one is grown. A child’s stability trumps crazy girlfriends who would break up a home because they are “soul mates”.

3. When there is an issue “beyond” me. We are wives/girlfriends, NOT trained therapists. Addiction, abuse, gambling, anything with an anonymous 1-800 number.

4. When the man won’t take care of himself. Morbidly obese, untreated health problems, untreated depression. If they won’t take care of themselves, how would they help take care of their family? Especially in an emergency?

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.