Oh dear.

OK, I don’t know what your spiritual leaning is or how open you are, but a ritual – or prayer – for Protection would be vital. Before that do a ritual – or prayer – for Clearing. You want to Clear, Protect and then Bless. Anything you find in a book, online, or through a spiritual advisor that you resonate with, do.

Another thing is to move. Even if it’s one town over. You can still get to work, but be much less likely to run into people and get a clean start. A new beginning!

Lastly, I would find the most gossipy person you can think of. Tell your side of the story. Trust me, the truth that you were caught in the crossfires will reach the majority of your social circle.

Oh, and pray earnestly that the person who called Social Services gets found out ~ they always seem to eventually.

Unfortunately your letters and the social services call plus the breakup was terrible timing.

This is so over the top that you have to cut and clear from the past completely. As you said, the issues each by themselves one could conceivably deal with but now they are all convoluted and compounded.

1. Gender Issues ~ It’s really hard for a girl to be involved with a guy who is (to her, suddenly) confused/gay/trans/alternative/etc. For a relationship we tend to like it black and white. How can you stand by your man if your man might not be a man, you know? I know I’ve offended dozens of people in dozens of ways I’ve never thought of, but that’s how the average woman will think.

2. Social Services?? OK, when social services are ever called, it is government sanctioned kidnapping. 9/10 times the call is made because of a vendetta, but the law still states that the family has to be investigated. It is no joke. Imagine a 19 year old government worker deciding if you deserve to raise your own children. Once again, the average person will go bat-s*** crazy with fear, upset and paranoia. When people’s family or children are being threatened and they don’t know who your true friends or enemies are, they will do outrageous things.

3. Wait, why were you actually called into the police? Was this before or after the social services debacle?

This woman clearly views you as a threat, an enemy, someone not to be trusted. She is suffering more than you are (believe it or not) from anger and fear I would please leave her alone once and for all.

• This reply was modified 10 years ago by Inky.

Is it possible she felt she was psychically “carrying” you all these years? As in, you were an aspect in her life, but that being one of her aspects was your life? I hear this a lot from women. “My man has no friends.” “My husband works, comes home, eats, watches TV and goes to bed.” “I can’t leave my boyfriend, what would he do?”

Also, what *was* THE reason she gave for leaving the first time? That is also very important.

So, yes, take that trip alone! Make at least one friend. This has to be local, same age, you visit each other’s homes to count. Then, find something to do that interests you, that’s all your own! Then you will be equipped to be more fulfilled with your girlfriend ~ or know if you give her the boot this time!

I think if you left town you would still be triggered. That “I was run out of town” feeling. If you have a job and a place to stay, and would live there anyway if you never met your ex ~ then stay. Staying in your own home is a sign of strength, of self-respect.

You can also re-write the script. Tell the mutual friend that you don’t want to hear about the ex when he brings him up. If you become friends with other people who know him say, “Ex and I went through a break up, actually, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about him. He reacted badly.” (Of course, if they relay that back to ex and it gets back to you, say, “I’m sorry he’s still reacting badly about it.” And then repeat the script that you don’t want to talk about him.)

If he ever runs into you or contacts you say, “Stay away from me” and remove eye contact or hang up the phone.

If you know where he lives you can write a letter to him saying that since you are running into and meeting several of his friends you want him to be clear that “Remember It’s Over. Please don’t go to gatherings if you hear I’m there. There’s no need to respond.” Then send it with no forwarding address. You have now Flipped the script and regained control.

This is not kosher, but it’s not a lie, either. Now go hold your head up high in your new town.

Also remember that if someone’s, say, blackmailed, 9/10 of people will show more compassion towards the sinner than the blackmailer. If you go back to your friends and ask for their support, they WILL give it to you! I still think of my old friend highly, only that she made a mistake. So do her parents! And as time goes on, instead of being “That Girl” you will be “that poor girl” and finally just “Melissa” with no taint of judgment surrounding you.

And NO, this was NOT The Universe sending you a message. It was the crazy wife. When women are obsessed we become more canny than the FBI, CIA and any other alphabet soup organization you can think of. This was no accident, my dear. She knew exactly when you got engaged, who the family was, when the wedding will be and maybe even when the parents were to meet.

Now… Are the wedding invitations out yet? If so, then implore the fiancé to go through with this. If they haven’t been sent out yet, then swallow the $$$. We know couples who did that and we don’t think any less of them, either.

Tell fiancé that this woman is dangerous and the husband is fixated on you, and clearly you won’t make THAT mistake again and you are frightened.

THEN, have a lawyer (or friend) cobble up a stern legalese written registered warning that you AND(!!!) your fiancé (united front) will press charges if she doesn’t stop with the antics AND(!!!) defamation of character.

One thing I’ve learned in my forty plus years on the planet is that:

1. Ain’t no one perfect. You are feeling shamed. But just remember that all of us have been not-so-great in our past. And those that have been? They haven’t been there yet or they haven’t lived a lot of life. Half the people who react to you in horror have done just as not-nice things ~ only they haven’t been caught and they would never admit it.

2. Does everyone (and I mean everyone) know? If they do, a strong offence is a good defense. I would write a mass email/message and say, “Mistakes have been made, but not to the degree that this hysterical woman has led everyone to believe. I have sent out a restraining order to (INSERT HER NAME – do it!!) and hopefully she has stopped her misguided vendetta. If any of you is contacted by her, I apologize, and please let me know immediately. Let’s pray for this woman who has mental health issues and send her white light and love.” Since you have always been perceived as good, sweet, loving, etc., they will support you. When they ask what exactly happened, tell them that you don’t want to give any more energy to it. You will get a lot of written FB support that everyone will see.

3. The sheer anger of the fiancé worries me. Is it possible he’s been tempted himself, resisted temptation and is now having a tantrum? I can see getting hurt, crying, withdrawing, a sullen, simmering anger, but breaking things, etc. I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t been there.

4. Only time, time, and more time might fix this.

Good Luck!!!!

This is my impression, so take it with a grain of salt. He had been married practically half his life. The fact that he was unfaithful tells me that he wanted a change of scene, that he was busting out of his old way of life.

Then he meets you. There is fun. There is that mystical soul mate/falling in love feeling. It was a break, a breath of fresh air, something new.

Then the dreaded “marriage/commitment/future” word/idea comes up. He associates that with the old grind/the damn dailies/not this again.

I think you should tell him, “You are the love of my life. But let’s keep it light. In that spirit, I am also dating other people.”

He might recoil, he might propose, who knows what he will do, but at least it will move you along out of limbo land.