Well, all I know is that no one is perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes and foibles. If I held out for a perfectly perfect person, I would be very lonely right now. You have to accept people where they are. People are selfish at the end of the day and their values do change. For example, if a kid does something terrible you want the judge to punish him, but if it’s your own kid you wouldn’t want him in the courts at all, you’d rather punish him at home! So good luck finding a friend or lover who dovetails perfectly with your own value system. It’s not as easy as all that, and hopefully you won’t clash!

***Hugs***

I’m sorry you’re going through this. For what it’s worth, when he says stuff like “I could have had this teacher or that nurse ~ but I chose you,” dollars to donuts he’s going through his Midlife Crisis talk. Also, in a weird butt-headed way he’s trying to make you feel grateful and appreciate you have him!

You seem very sensitive (I am too) but what would happen if you made a little joke about it. Like, “Well, Babe, I don’t mean to brag, but there was this police officer and plumber in my past. I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want you to freak out. But you seem more confident now a days, so I’m glad we can laugh about it.” ;)Then next time you two are out, if you see one, go right up to a police officer and make small talk! Then say, “Oh, that was Bob.” LOL

Or say when he says that, “Well, since I’m not doing anything I think I’ll go to the spa.” And go!! Pavlov’s dog says that he will stop with the putdowns when he sees the household money disappear every time he does that.

You can give him little Honey Do Lists. Then when he doesn’t do them say, “That’s OK Honey I know how you do everything around here, so I hired a handyman to help you out.” Watch him spring into action to get it done!

Another good one is paying in cash and have anonymous roses sent to you. You will thank him profusely and he will be all, “What The???” If he says he didn’t send them be all, “Yeah, right. Then who did??” and be all lovey dovey the rest of the day!

OK, that’s my advice, and I hope you at least get a good laugh out of all the ideas!! 🙂

I think Jerry is thinking too much and Martha omitted certain things because it would make their current relationship SO much easier going forward.

Why does Jerry live in the past? Everyone has one, and he should be happy someone wants to have a relationship with him in the present.

That was my first impression in general.

To me Enlightenment is nebulous yet something we’re all working towards. It’s being a Bodhisattva. It’s knowing what to do, how to do it and when to do it ~ and even IF you do it! It’s doing (seemingly) nothing and yet everything gets done. It’s being close to God, feeling peacefully blissful, and being fully divine.

I think there are degrees, and people overestimate (to a humorous degree) how enlightened they really are! After enlightenment it is doubtful you would incarnate on Earth again ~ and if you do then you really are a Bodhisattva and that’s very rare.

I haven’t met anyone truly Enlightened (that would be Buddha and Jesus Christ, people LOL), but have met some Masters (an old Quaker lady, a stranger at an airport, a freaky soul family connection going back hundreds of years).

Hi,

I think the guy is controlling. At least on the inside. And your therapist is wrong ~ you had nothing to apologize for ~ believe it or not, you did nothing wrong! This bears repeating ~ you did nothing wrong! An apology was optional, courteous, a nice thing to do. But not mandatory!

Now he is punishing you for being busy, having a life, for him being jealous. It is no accident he picked someone much younger. Now he sees that you are your own entity and that bothers him a bit!

I know I sound harsh, but you have entered dangerous emotional grounds here. Oh my goodness, what will happen when you want to go on a weekend away, visit your sick mother, take a class on the weekends, feel tired, or sick yourself? Or, more rarely, if your cell phone dies or you’re caught in a storm?

I would tell him you’re taking a break. I know he’s trying to work through it but this bothers him a little too much for the “crime”, don’t you think?

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

I think what happens when you do yoga, meditation and any spiritual work is you are clearing out the “gunk”. The debris is actually sloughing off of you and is hanging around in your astral plane. Then it can seem like they are coming out of you and attacking you again! The more you do the less this stuff will come up. Eventually you will be cleared and rise to a new level. When that happens, God only knows! Everyone’s different.

So I have Issues. Sometimes they don’t bother me for months, years, or days. Then I get this incredible anger from within. My sister calls me “Angry Buttercup” from the Powerpuff Girls! I am frightening to behold. But then after the anger I am clear again!

Boyfriends would generally take me personally a couple years to totally get over.

Hi Bunny,

I see myself in your daughter. The only difference was, I didn’t even know I was doing it, much less why! This is a totally normal, human reaction to an absent parent.

You are not a failure ~ you are not done raising her!

This is what my mother ~ the best of mothers ~ did: She sent me away for the summer to visit extended family. New people, new places, new experiences.

This is what I did when one of my sons got in trouble ~ I limited his money and his time. Keep Them Busy!! Use the perfect built in pretext of getting ready for college applications. You need to visit colleges (weekends away with mom), she needs to improve her SAT scores (SAT classes = Saturday AMs busy), she needs to get leadership skills (running a club, going on a church relief trip, joining National Charity League, or becoming a National Merit Scholar), and getting a part-time job (someone has to help pay for all this!)

Tell her that no one has time for relationships Junior/Senior year. It’s time to get ready to get down to the business of growing up. She will probably still be boy/man crazy and have Daddy Issues ~ but tell her to act on it in college ~ at least she’ll be an adult.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

You seemed so surprised and hurt that the two women left though ~ and if I’m wrong, then one thing’s for sure ~ you take things very deeply! (Which is not always a bad thing!) Maybe online dating isn’t for you ~ try letting your friends and family know you are dating again and if they could set you up ~ I bet you would have better chances with a friend of a friend or family friend ~ not some strangers you meet online.