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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 2,116 through 2,130 (of 2,505 total)
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  • October 29, 2014 at 7:04 am in reply to: On love and morality #66981
    Inky
    Participant

    OK, I was in a friendship where I “lied through omission”. I left something unsaid because I knew that she would go on and on and on about it, never get over it, keep talking about it, become fixated on it, etc. It would all become too much to deal with. You know what I mean? It wasn’t worth the price to pay. Of course she found out about it (I met her ex’s new girlfriend and didn’t mention it). I told her I was at the time sparing her feelings (which were very raw) and then forgot to say anything (life goes on). Now I’m the problem and people don’t tell her things about me that may upset her. So the cycle continues. See what I mean? She was so high maintenance in general. I always wondered why she had no friends. You don’t want to be known as that, trust me.

    October 29, 2014 at 4:44 am in reply to: On love and morality #66978
    Inky
    Participant

    I think Jerry is thinking too much and Martha omitted certain things because it would make their current relationship SO much easier going forward.

    Why does Jerry live in the past? Everyone has one, and he should be happy someone wants to have a relationship with him in the present.

    That was my first impression in general.

    October 28, 2014 at 4:18 am in reply to: Advice on Self Efficacy and dealing with wanting LOVE #66907
    Inky
    Participant

    I don’t mean to sound like a crabby old lady, but ~ you are 22!!! You have so much life ahead of you, you have no idea! You will not just have one love, but several! Your future boyfriend, a future fiancé, and all the guys that will try to steal you away! “When I was your age” (LOL) I look back and I see that at 22 my life had jut (just) JUST begun!!

    It is wonderful all the education, goals, internships, travel! Love will come your way, I promise you! Most regular, average people get married. So why not you?? But trust me, 22 is way too early to sweat that.

    October 27, 2014 at 5:11 am in reply to: What's Enlightenment to you? #66865
    Inky
    Participant

    To me Enlightenment is nebulous yet something we’re all working towards. It’s being a Bodhisattva. It’s knowing what to do, how to do it and when to do it ~ and even IF you do it! It’s doing (seemingly) nothing and yet everything gets done. It’s being close to God, feeling peacefully blissful, and being fully divine.

    I think there are degrees, and people overestimate (to a humorous degree) how enlightened they really are! After enlightenment it is doubtful you would incarnate on Earth again ~ and if you do then you really are a Bodhisattva and that’s very rare.

    I haven’t met anyone truly Enlightened (that would be Buddha and Jesus Christ, people LOL), but have met some Masters (an old Quaker lady, a stranger at an airport, a freaky soul family connection going back hundreds of years).

    October 26, 2014 at 5:57 am in reply to: Deppresion please help #66782
    Inky
    Participant

    Yes, and also consider taking it easy for a while. After an illness some people like to jump right back in to the scene. But sometimes the body makes itself ill ~ or depressed ~ so we can rest, reflect, reevaluate our lives ~ on all levels. I bet there is something in your life that your Soul really, really wants to change or be done with ~ even if you don’t see it. So take a few days off ~ or cut back as much as you’re able ~ reenter slowly and see what happens.

    October 25, 2014 at 6:52 am in reply to: Growing distant or just temporary feelings? #66762
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi,

    I think the guy is controlling. At least on the inside. And your therapist is wrong ~ you had nothing to apologize for ~ believe it or not, you did nothing wrong! This bears repeating ~ you did nothing wrong! An apology was optional, courteous, a nice thing to do. But not mandatory!

    Now he is punishing you for being busy, having a life, for him being jealous. It is no accident he picked someone much younger. Now he sees that you are your own entity and that bothers him a bit!

    I know I sound harsh, but you have entered dangerous emotional grounds here. Oh my goodness, what will happen when you want to go on a weekend away, visit your sick mother, take a class on the weekends, feel tired, or sick yourself? Or, more rarely, if your cell phone dies or you’re caught in a storm?

    I would tell him you’re taking a break. I know he’s trying to work through it but this bothers him a little too much for the “crime”, don’t you think?

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 24, 2014 at 1:17 pm in reply to: Disappointment #66743
    Inky
    Participant

    I also think it’s a little coincidental that you just happen to break your leg on the very day of the interviews!! Maybe subconsciously you put so much energy into The Promotion that you couldn’t handle it and overwhelmed yourself to protect yourself from potential disappointment? Legs are symbolic of support ~ maybe you didn’t feel supported?? Don’t mean to go all Louise Hayes on you LOL. But something to think about.

    October 24, 2014 at 1:12 pm in reply to: Difficult emotions arising from meditation #66742
    Inky
    Participant

    I think what happens when you do yoga, meditation and any spiritual work is you are clearing out the “gunk”. The debris is actually sloughing off of you and is hanging around in your astral plane. Then it can seem like they are coming out of you and attacking you again! The more you do the less this stuff will come up. Eventually you will be cleared and rise to a new level. When that happens, God only knows! Everyone’s different.

    So I have Issues. Sometimes they don’t bother me for months, years, or days. Then I get this incredible anger from within. My sister calls me “Angry Buttercup” from the Powerpuff Girls! I am frightening to behold. But then after the anger I am clear again!

    Boyfriends would generally take me personally a couple years to totally get over.

    October 22, 2014 at 11:25 am in reply to: Teenage Daughter Seeking Male Attention #66656
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Again,

    I think I came across wrong! In a nutshell:

    1. New places, faces, experiences

    2. Have college/a goal/her future as the place to put her attention

    3. Be candid that there’s a time and a place for everything ~ including wrestling with your issues!

    The parental abandonment issue is so big/deep that you can’t handle it with one conversation. It’s an ongoing conversation, and unfortunately, something she has to come to terms with from an inner level.

    October 22, 2014 at 6:43 am in reply to: Teenage Daughter Seeking Male Attention #66640
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Bunny,

    I see myself in your daughter. The only difference was, I didn’t even know I was doing it, much less why! This is a totally normal, human reaction to an absent parent.

    You are not a failure ~ you are not done raising her!

    This is what my mother ~ the best of mothers ~ did: She sent me away for the summer to visit extended family. New people, new places, new experiences.

    This is what I did when one of my sons got in trouble ~ I limited his money and his time. Keep Them Busy!! Use the perfect built in pretext of getting ready for college applications. You need to visit colleges (weekends away with mom), she needs to improve her SAT scores (SAT classes = Saturday AMs busy), she needs to get leadership skills (running a club, going on a church relief trip, joining National Charity League, or becoming a National Merit Scholar), and getting a part-time job (someone has to help pay for all this!)

    Tell her that no one has time for relationships Junior/Senior year. It’s time to get ready to get down to the business of growing up. She will probably still be boy/man crazy and have Daddy Issues ~ but tell her to act on it in college ~ at least she’ll be an adult.

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 22, 2014 at 4:15 am in reply to: Where do I start? #66637
    Inky
    Participant

    After a trauma (house fire) we saw a therapist. Honestly, I thought he wasn’t that great, but *Just the Act of Seeing Someone Makes It Real*. Yes, PTSD is a Thing. Yes, it Did Happen. Yes, it Mattered. Yes, I’m beating it into the ground.

    Ritual is also important. It can be a Fire Ceremony, cleansing through water, a poem. Make your own Releasing the Past ritual.

    By my bed I have several religious and spiritual texts when my mind “goes there”. If I wake up ~ At two AM I go back to sleep. Three AM, I read. Four AM I just get up already.

    P.S. We are all growing and evolving. If you wait until you’ve reached your potential you will be single forever! It’s OK to start dating.

    October 21, 2014 at 7:54 am in reply to: Why do we always want what we can't have #66565
    Inky
    Participant

    You seemed so surprised and hurt that the two women left though ~ and if I’m wrong, then one thing’s for sure ~ you take things very deeply! (Which is not always a bad thing!) Maybe online dating isn’t for you ~ try letting your friends and family know you are dating again and if they could set you up ~ I bet you would have better chances with a friend of a friend or family friend ~ not some strangers you meet online.

    October 21, 2014 at 4:11 am in reply to: Why do we always want what we can't have #66552
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Steve,

    I admit on your last posts I was lurking a bit but never answered because everyone was saying what I would have said. 🙂

    But you choosing between two girls and then them changing their minds reminds me of an old obscure movie. It involved a guy, and a girl, there was a murder, and they caught the killer (the guy) because ~ wait for it ~ she kept a diary. In real life this wouldn’t have been shocking, but in the movie it was. He was truly mystified. He viewed her as a bit of an object and was blown away that she had her own feelings, thoughts and will!

    In your old posts it seemed (to me) that you were choosing between two options in the store. But then you go back and both brands have been discontinued! LOL! Now, I could be wrong, but that was the impression I got. Always remember that women are very powerful and are actually the same as men ~ only the plumbing and the hormones are different!

    Then there’s the “I wouldn’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member” mentality. Instead of thinking, “Girl A dumped me and now Girl B wants me, but she must be really bad if she wants me, Girl A sure doesn’t!” Or, you can view her as a Gift. As in “Girl A made a mistake, but Girl B is smart and sure knows how to pick ’em!”

    Lastly, view dating as fun! You don’t “Need” to get married. You can just have a good time, meet new people, and of course, Who Knows??? But don’t be attached ~ I think that’s the key to your happiness.

    October 20, 2014 at 5:06 am in reply to: Feeling guilty and trying to forgive myself #66512
    Inky
    Participant

    If I was your girlfriend I’d be more horrified by you cutting yourself than giving some stranger a sloppy drunken kiss! Seriously.

    I think you’ve done all you could. Blame it on the Spirit of Alcohol. Why do you think they call it “spirits”? Because alcohol makes you say and do things you would never do! I truly believe it is spirits, and not “you” at all! Ever gone into a bar or a liquor store and felt that “Ewg” feeling? I can’t go to those places without it being like a sock in the gut. By the way I do intuitive work of all kinds and let’s just leave it at that.

    If you must tell your girlfriend, do so and tell her you’re swearing off alcohol for the rest of your life. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t burden her.

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 19, 2014 at 5:51 am in reply to: Unable to feel fully happy in my perfect relationship #66460
    Inky
    Participant

    The good news is you will only spend more and more time with him. If he was indeed a serial monogamist, one day, you will easily fly by the “two year mark” or however long his longest relationship was. Then you will fly by the “decade mark”, and have a good laugh. Of course everyone in his past was gorgeous ~ they were all twenty year old kids at the time! LOL.

    Grown ups fall in love with depth and soul, which illuminate the beloved from within. It sounds like he is a grown up now. So you have nothing to worry about!

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