I’m still stuck on the texting! (sorry!)

Only texting? A Major red flag.

He dumped you because you were “too needy”. That’s code for “I can’t put my side attraction in a nice little contained box”. He is probably not as in the middle of a divorce as you think.

And if I give him the benefit of the doubt? He has many interests and doesn’t want his sub-worlds to collide. You are too much “work”, and after a long marriage he wants easy breezy relationships.

Reclaim your power. You didn’t lose him. He is Lost, even to himself.

Next relationship? Lose the cell phone. If a relationship was ruined by mere texting, then something else was fundamentally wrong. Consider it a blessing.

At this point let him contact you. Let him do all the work. If he calls you and then goes on and on about not feeling the same, say, “I don’t buy it/So why are you calling me/It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself, not me. Gotta go, Little Buddy!”

In the meantime see other people.

Start thinking and referring to him as your Fan Club. Flip the script, even if it’s in your own mind.

When he calls again and wants to get together, say, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He blew it last time, after all! Maybe a year later you can meet ~ for coffee, and coffee only.

The best part is when you really have moved on, he calls out of the blue, and your BF picks up the phone and calls, “Honey! It’s the President of your Fan Club!… Yeah… That guy… *laughs*” 😉

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

Speaking as an introvert, don’t take her introversion personally.

Also, get through finals. It’s the end of the year, yes? No one needs to solve this relationship stuff until after the exams.

Can you see her over the summer?

I think you are possibly thinking too much about this, and she will pick up on it and make her introversion worse around you.

She will only open up to you more in time, right? Give it time, but then move on in the fall if you’re still not clicking.

Great Question!

But, ultimately simple ~ Remember the quote, “All happy families look the same, but each unhappy family is different in its own way”?

Well, Good Values are all pretty much the same. They are all Universal Qualities, that any peoples, from any culture, at any time, can resonate with. Truth; Honor; Integrity; Honesty; Family; Friendship; Love; Loyalty, etc., etc.

If something or someone is off your value system, if your values change ~ were they true values to begin with?

When in doubt, Golden Rule and all that!

Can you possibly get away ~ put your essentials in a backpack, and just Get OUT! Then move ~ but have other guys move your stuff in storage ~ then, when you find a place, get everything Later!

I know it’s tremendously unfair, but you need a clean start in a new place. Don’t be so easy to find.

The alternative (which sounds better) is to be a Warrior ~ tell everyone who will listen what happened. Tell the police. Get the restraining order. Hold your head up. Don’t just Go to the store. Own the store. Own the Town. Go to town hall meetings. Write letters to the editor. Get loads and loads of friends, neighbors, the community around you. Live so large that he won’t be able to stand the Light.

P.S. There is no shame in doing the first option!!!! Safety comes first, even mental safety. But pick one. And go all in. You do not get to be his favorite hobby with the stalking.

P.P.S. Yes I had a stalker. But after a few years of nonsense, I also acquired a boyfriend. When I got married I changed my name to his and we moved. DH has a very common name. And my stalker ex wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. When the (long story for another post) suddenly stopped, I think it was because ~ he couldn’t figure out how to find me!!! Yay, name change/moving!!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

You know, the one thing that came to me was this word: TRANSFERENCE.

I had something similar. Problems with non-involved father. Years later I think of this other man as my father. He was quietly let go due to a scandal (not related to me LOL) and moved. I swear, I grieved for this “dad” like no other. Then I felt Weird because:

1. He wasn’t my real father
2. Women over a certain age don’t need fathers
3. He wasn’t that great, even as a person (as it turns out)
4. Why am I crying???

I realized:

1. I was really grieving for my own father
2. My grandfather WAS my “real” father. So it’s not like I didn’t grow up without parenting.
3. WHY AM I CASTING THESE OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS ROLE?

Tiny Zebra, is it possible that you are still grieving your divorce? Why this person?

And, my mother would say, “A busy woman is a happy woman”.

How did you recover (if you have) from the divorce?

Just thoughts!!!

OK, You have officially done All You Can.

You know how they say, “It’s a phase?” Well, I predict, when she’s 24 she will have grown into an elegant young woman. Hold on to that vision. Don’t let go of it, or scoff at it. Just say, “To when she’s 24!”

And go to the graduation. And enjoy it (whether she’s happy you’re there or not!) If she asks why dad’s not there, say, “For business”. She knows the truth.

Hang in there, Mother!! 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.