Hi Agnes 1205,

A long distance relationship is hard enough. Now add a depressed person. Now add the depressed person broke up with you.

I would advise you to date other local, happy people.

Best,

Inky

Hi Nairobi,

It is too soon to get back together with the old boyfriend. It hasn’t even been a year. I’m glad he realizes he made the worst mistake of his life, but is he willing to provide the correct answer (for both of you)?

It is also natural to feel this way towards him. Again, it hasn’t even been a year.

The new guy may be awesome, but the old guy is still gold in your mind. But remember, HE broke up with YOU! Don’t be so eager to run back to him. Give it a good year.

It also sounds like you’ve outgrown him and are ready for the next level.

Best,

Inky

Hi Carly,

Body issues/sounds are a fact of life. The worst is night time meetings. It’s usually the guys that make literal noises about what they had for dinner. Sometimes you know exactly what they had for dinner even if there are no noises!

You can do a preemptive strike you know. As long as you smell like roses (or nothing), you can always point out, “Beware of the whoever smelt it dealt it guy!” Imply that if he says it’s you or someone else it’s really him!

If it makes you feel better, one night I had kielbasa sausages as part of our dinner. I went to a meeting. At the next meeting this guy said to me very pointedly in front of everyone: “YOU ARE NOT FORGIVEN!” I gave him a blank stare, said nothing, and, never missing a meeting, always (and I mean always!) sat right next to him after that. Payback’s a b@tch, baby!

Hold Your Head Up,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi Anonymous,

The things we don’t do when we’re drunk! (Raises hand. “Been there!”)

I know you’re mortified now, but as the years parade by and this incident is further back in your rear view mirror, take comfort… You were Drunk! (And it won’t happen again)

Repeat after me: “I was Drunk!” *shrug shoulders* (repeat as needed).

People push alcohol on you: You push the 3rd/ glass away. “I’m not myself when I’m drunk!”

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Again,

You need to reframe the story to anyone who asks/talks about it.

It wasn’t just your brother. It was a GROUP of boys. And the parents of the girl who just wants to forget about it has chosen your brother TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE of because it was his phone.

Here’s some context: In our town this kid got expelled for something outrageous. It’s only a few years later and I forget what it was. And in fact, I thought it was a different kid!!

Another context: One of my sons hung out with a bunch of kids. I HATED them. All of them were up to no good. Five years later one of the kids that I hated (HATED!) went up to me apologetically. He said, “I got my Eagle Scout merit badge, Mrs. Inky”. It was like a penance.

Instantly the kid was REDEEMED! Now I see him for the mature young adult he is than the kid who got my kid in trouble long ago.

Trust me, in a few years your brother can say, “Yeah, I really made a bonehead mistake and was the one that got in trouble for it.” If he joins the Scouts or a Youth Group people will know he is so much more than one stupid mistake. Make sure he gets in the paper for some charitable/awesome thing he does.

And as for you and your mother give the whole neighborhood a big dose of cognitive dissonance (a fancy term for making them think they’re crazy). Become MORE social. Hang out with friends that will still talk to you. Throw PARTIES at your house! Show your faces around town! Join clubs! Committees! If anyone gives your mother a hard time she should say, “It’s a shame about all those boys and my son got caught up in it. That poor girl.” Hold your heads up! The town will think that what happened wasn’t that big a deal (though unfortunate) and may even turn on the other family for drawing attention to it.

They are all running on rumors, remember. Your brother is under age, so none of this is really on public record. Every year change the facts. He was twelve. Another boy stole his phone. No, you’re thinking of ANOTHER kid with his last name. No, that was that OTHER kid that looks just like him. No, your brother was just the fall guy for the group. There was a party?

Hope this helps!

Inky

Hi Eriads,

You made the right decision. You’re not “hurting” him. He’s hurting himself in a convoluted way.

Wait for him to reach out to you. But NO FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. Keep your clothes on, and date other people. A day will come when he’ll be sick of you keeping your pants on around him and you dating other people. Then he’ll be magically over his divorce.

Best,

Inky

Hi Eli,

For what it’s worth: YES! You should date other people.

And not make a secret of it, either.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi sparkle00.

There is this legend. Saying? Parable? Anyway…

Back in the days when women still had dowries (don’t get me started)…..

This father thought his little girl was plain, a wash out, nothing special. So her dowry was one sick, old, weak cow. Better get married quick, girl, or you’re dowry will die on you!

This prince came to the village, took one look at her, and gave the father (not the other way around)….(are you sitting down?) 100 cows, 50 donkeys, 20 sheep, 10 camels and a water buffalo. The father was amazed. Protesting, he said it was all too much. The prince looked confused. The father looked over at his daughter, who was now beaming! She was the most stunning Princess you’ve ever seen! And very special. One of a kind. Irreplaceable.

The prince’s love made it so.

Carry yourself like a queen! There’s a reason he wants to go out with you! Own it!!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Inky.