Hi Adi,

This man took you for a ride, I’m afraid. The vast age difference and the wife are two red flags. You fell for the classic “visa issues” excuse. An older woman would laugh at that reason. Sorry to be so tough, but next time find someone closer to your age than your parents’ age and someone who is single.

Best,

Inky

Hi A. Prashanth,

I like the classic “A group of us are getting together after work” scenario. This also fits with you approaching her as a gentleman of the office. The culture, the age difference, and the work environment make this romance less likely to happen, I’m afraid. But you can always go out together for drinks! (In a group, of course.)

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi anon11,

Why should you lose a BF and $2000? I say plan to go on the trip and don’t say another word about it. The worst that could happen is if he brings another girl on the trip (doubtful but 1/100 possibility). Or you could very well find yourself alone on the trip. June/July is still a few months off. Long enough for both of you to get used to the idea of being single.. or for him to change his mind (again, unlikely, but let’s say 1/25 possibility).

Stand strong and go on your trip that you paid for!

Best,

Inky

Hi srk,

It’s hard to be a young introvert. I agree with a post above that in your 20’s people tend to come and go.

Friends are also like plants. You have to do the work. You have to water and weed. And sometimes the plant is eaten by another animal or it catches a random plant disease. But maybe, just maybe, one day you will be rewarded by a perennial (a plant that always comes back around).

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Nicole,

Once a month sounds like a lot! Can you limit it to holidays? I don’t know if she has kids and thus the pressure for the cousins to play together. But from my experience, once the kids hit school age, the playdates and family non-holiday get togethers wind way down. You can always blame sports, other play dates, activities, etc.

Other tricks: ask her advice about something and have her “accidentally” overhear you praise her to other people.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Anna,

There may very well be a karmic connection. The problem is you’re trying to figure out what it means, what you should do, and where it will go. I say just enjoy it and see what happens.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Inky.

Hi tori,

Think of this as a blessing. Could you imagine one day being married to this guy, with co-mingled finances, two kids and a dog, and he suddenly up and left for reasons unbeknownst to you? And there you would be, trying to raise two kids and a dog with only your job now having to go through a divorce? Projecting, but this is the type of character your ex has become.

So let him make himself miserable for the sake of his daughter. That’s not even the issue. The issue is you being blindsided by this guy. How can you trust him? AGAIN?

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Debido,

He may very well be conflicted. He may very well come back to you. BUT! You moving forward, actually moving forward, filled with hope and optimism, will be irresistible to him.

In my own experience, whenever I would catch a glimpse of my ex, and see him happily living his life (not pining for me), it would drive me CRAZY! On the flip side, there are ex’s who wouldn’t leave me alone for long (yes, even the same guy) because they would see me living the good life, (oblivious to my own supposed heart ache!).

My advice to you is to reconnect with family and friends, travel to new places and start new hobbies and projects. Assume in the deepest part of your being that of course he’ll come back (if only to see how you “are”)!

But be warned: He is most likely to come back when you are the happiest doing other things with someone else!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Inky.