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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 826 through 840 (of 2,508 total)
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  • October 24, 2017 at 5:23 am in reply to: ANXIOUS #174537
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Vee, I don’t know how old you two are, but I’m assuming he is still very young. Some people honestly can’t handle having a lot on their plate. He might literally be learning how to deal with stress and drudgery for the first time.

    I would break up with him and find someone your age or older who knows how to “do” relationships and who has time for you.

    No need for drama, just say, “It’s not working”.

    He might be stunned enough that he will realize, going forward, “Gee, maybe in my next relationship I should text/call more and introduce the girl to my family.”

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    October 23, 2017 at 6:59 am in reply to: Moving on from a cheating, narcissistic ex #174303
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nia N,

    To him, you have done the “unforgivable”: You stood up. You told the truth. You contacted the ex. You aired the dirty laundry. He knows that you know and now everyone knows. Gas lighting and manipulation could not stand under your blatant honesty.

    By him blocking you, he has (tried to, at any rate) made you the Bad Guy. We only block the intolerable, right?? Wrong. We block those who make us the most uncomfortable. He tried to unsuccessfully have two women. You said “No thanks”. Now he just has one (who rejected him, or whom he rejected first, how romantic, huh?)

    Sister, hold your head up. And if anyone tells you what a great guy he is, smile and say, “Well, not so much.” They will be thunderstruck (and so will he) when word gets back that you dumped HIM. Let everyone believe that.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 22, 2017 at 6:17 am in reply to: To leave or continue… Dilemma #174163
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Saniya,

    Are you planning a wedding? If he is indeed your fiancé, and the date is set, etc., then I would try to work it out, if only to officially end the engagement.

    If he is flat out ignoring you, I would ignore him back and let the relationship die out of neglect. Don’t even call him to tell him it’s over. Just drop the rope and move on to the next guy without even telling him.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 21, 2017 at 6:19 am in reply to: capricorn and struggling in relationships #174083
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi nextsteps,

    Your star sign is your journey, not who you are. Find out your Rising/Ascendant sign. THAT is who you really are. So, if you are a Capricorn, you are actually BECOMING more practical and intellect driven in your lifetime.

    Then there is the rest of your chart, and his. Perhaps those could give some clues.

    But here’s the thing: He broke up with you only a few months ago and ALREADY has a fiancée? You don’t want him. One does not simply dump a person and get engaged SO soon! It’s insulting to you, himself, and even the other girl, if you think about it.

    His new engagement won’t work out. Nor his marriage for very long.

    Maybe ten years from now you can give him another chance, but he is not worthy of you yet.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 20, 2017 at 4:41 am in reply to: 2 men – despair #173973
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Claire,

    What is your long term solution? I’m confused where any money is coming from. Eventually you might have to move out of the house, get a job, learn to drive….

    I would start with learning to drive. The father seems like the best bet as he’s already there. Then all you need is a car, gas, money and FREEDOM!

    I’m here to tell you that there are more men in the Universe than these two characters.

    I’m also here to tell you (paradox to the above) that you really shouldn’t be in a serious romantic relationship while you have children. As you can see, it ACTUALLY make things harder (not talking about the day to day minutia).

    I’m also here to tell you that it does get easier as they grow older.

    I don’t want to hear about your romantic grievances, I really want to hear about your long term solution for money and housing.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 19, 2017 at 6:09 am in reply to: Am I being controlling and Insecure? #173859
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rox,

    Did he START a conversation with the ex? Or did he simply politely reply to her? It does make a difference!

    Yes, it is normal to add a bunch of FB Friends right after meeting/seeing them at a party. It’s more natural than getting a Request out of the blue from someone you saw at a party eight years ago.

    I agree with the advice (above). He sounds like a good (though maddeningly normal) guy. Be secure in your own beauty and remember that he’s with YOU.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 18, 2017 at 4:39 am in reply to: how to make sense of some incidents #173685
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi greenshade,

    I’m not an astrology person, but something must be in the stars to have three incidents in the same time span!!

    Well, I think it’s The Universe doing you a favor:

    1. Your mom reverted back to her old habits. When she saw you as a strong, independent woman she overdid it with the comment.

    2. Your friend was always sarcastic to other people. When she saw you grow into a strong, independent person she belittled you.

    3. The friend saw that you are actually a strong, independent person who doesn’t REALLY need him, so he blocked you on FB.

    Maybe all three saw you as the “Beta”, the introvert, the easy person. They could take the lead and be dominant. Until they couldn’t. They’re just threatened of you!

    There was an Energetic Shift. I had a similar Energetic Shift when two or three people became pissed at me at once! Don’t sweat it.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 17, 2017 at 4:51 am in reply to: I'm stuck in this pattern #173505
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Flossy73,

    Maybe if you went out with an older guy you wouldn’t have this feeling. Guys DO like to go for younger women (if they can get them.) So perhaps you’re picking up on that. Let me put it this way. A fifty year old guy would be lucky to have you if you’re forty, and he couldn’t even think of getting with a twenty year old. If you and your guy are forty, well, it has happened that a youthful forty year old could get a twenty something year old.

    Of course I’m being outrageously un-PC and general. Your particular guy is a unique individual. You should feel secure. But you don’t because you can’t see what’s in his mind and heart, you can only go by intuition, actions and what he tells you.

    What I would do is be the best looking and/or happiest woman of my age I can be. Don’t go overboard, but any thing that gives you a bit of confidence can help. A spritz of perfume. A new shade of lipstick. A hip new shirt. Anything that give you joy in and of itself. Then when an attractive middle aged guy looks at you your BF will be reminded of how good he’s got it!

    Best,

    Inky

    October 16, 2017 at 1:49 pm in reply to: Anxiety and Appropriateness #173455
    Inky
    Participant

    Thank you anita for the new scientific phrase: noxious stimulus. That is exactly what it is!!

    I will also take Eliana and Brandy’s cue: My avoidance is totally situational with a specific person and no more guilt for not enduring the cultural mandate to stick around!

    Update: Someone said, “I thought I saw you at the Open House, but I never got a chance to talk to you.” I said that I was indeed there but only stayed for about five minutes. So if my Nope-a-topus wonders, people can say honestly, “Oh, I think she was there.”

    It’s still annoying though. I feel like this kind of thing will re-visit me in a future life.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 16, 2017 at 5:33 am in reply to: The Spare Tire Effect #173375
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rachael,

    This is how it will (eventually) pan out:

    You will go through a few more cycles of this. Then, during the whole rest of the year he’s not around, you will meet someone. About ten years from now he will be alone and you will be happily married with a family. You will see him from across a crowded room and (are you sitting down?) he will look… Not Attractive.

    Yes, he will one day be Not Cute Anymore. To anybody. And the “nine out of ten times there’s another female”? He’d be lucky to get one female. And it won’t be you because you will be glowing, happy, and adored by a man who deserves you.

    Best,

    Inky

    October 15, 2017 at 1:50 pm in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173307
    Inky
    Participant

    Glad you found it!

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 15, 2017 at 10:05 am in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173255
    Inky
    Participant

    I believe they are called Weighted Blankets. I would Google them. I’m hearing about them more and more on infomercials and in online ads.

    October 15, 2017 at 7:01 am in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173201
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ella,

    I like the advice above.

    I understand about the anxiety when your loved one goes away, though mine is the feeling that I am alone if something weird goes wrong (break in, fire, water pipe bursts, etc.)

    What I do is establish a bit of a routine. I too, go out with my friends. And then I get my hair/nails done/whatever. Then I eat whatever the heck I want while watching a new TV series/anime/movie. It doesn’t have to be that, it could be anything you enjoy that calms you down.

    I read about these new weighted blankets that relieve anxiety. Looking into buying those myself.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 14, 2017 at 5:10 am in reply to: Extremely complicated toxic relationship with adopted sister #173103
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Arinak,

    Wow! All I can say is “BOUNDARIES”!! Boundaries will save the (rest of) your life.

    Maybe something like: See her once a year (not in your home) and talk to her once a month (and text/email sparingly). And limit the conversation to fifteen minutes. Of course if she starts getting abusive cut the conversation short and if it’s a rare moment when she’s normal, you can with reservation extend it a little.

    One word of warning: My adopted brother (who has his own problems) has started contacting my kids and my sister’s kids now that they’re all older. You really don’t want your children to try to help rescue her and get emotionally or financially abused one day.

    As for her children, can YOU take them in? That is indeed a lot to ask. If not, then limit contact between your children and their cousins.

    I also wouldn’t make it easy for her to find you if it gets worse. i.e. move and don’t tell her, etc.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    October 13, 2017 at 4:22 am in reply to: Dooped? #172989
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Moon,

    I guess I’m confused by the timing as well.

    This is my understanding:

    Her husband died and she was getting all this attention from his best friend. She wanted more out of the casual relationship, which is totally understandable given they had known each other for a long time. You came on the scene or she was just dating you. The guy didn’t take your presence seriously until you proposed. She keeps living an occasional double life.

    For some reason you propose and marry her. I don’t know why you did that but you did. I suggest you hit “RESET” in your brain and forgive her for her past before the wedding, for your own sanity.

    It looks like she did delete him from her contacts which is actually good news. He contacted her to send out feelers on how your marriage is doing.

    Monitor that phone, dude.

    Best,

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 826 through 840 (of 2,508 total)
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