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InkyParticipantHi roxin,
I love how when men break up with someone they imagine the girl pining away for them. Then they are genuinely surprised when she moves on or sleeps with someone before they do. You know in your heart that he only slept with some random girl so he could be “even”. He could literally have slept with anyone. Draw a name out of a hat. If it was a female over the age of eighteen he would have gone for it.
It didn’t mean anything. Believe me.
My advice: No matter how you feel, and no matter how he feels.. Even if you two have all the feels at the same time.. For your sanity and even his, have the rest of 2017 parade on without him. When (yes, when) he contacts you, even if it’s to say “I was wrong. And lucky girl ~ I’ve magnanimously decided to let you be my girlfriend again!” YOU say: “Hold that thought. Let’s talk about that this time next year.”
That is enough time for him to appreciate you. And the price he must pay, IMHO.
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi bluesoul,
I have a couple of ideas, but I warn you, they are “out there”:
1. There are thought forms which float around the ethers. This is why several people have the same idea in different parts of the world at the same time and why (for example) the most popular name at one point was Isabelle ~ and each mother thought it was a unique name when they came up with it!
Maybe other people are having the same random thoughts about them, or maybe they’re having those same thoughts about you! Or everyone is feeling that way towards people.
2. Past life resonance. Maybe there is an aspect of you that had betrayed them at one point. Or they were unevolved in the past and you had judged them.
The important thing is not to harbor those thoughts or pay much attention to them. Let them float away. And if Karma rears its ugly head and you attract something because of it, rejoice! One less karmic thing to deal with going forward!
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi chiaroscuro,
At our core we are tribal people. We need to have other humans around us, like goats in a herd. Example, goats don’t actually help each other in a direct way, but they hang out together. A lost goat will nuzzle up to the herder who finds him simply because the herder smells like other goats.
People will loosely claim they care for others, and of course they’ll help when asked. But you don’t want to have to ask. You are searching for a deeper tiered connection. You will find it, but that usually is found in good spouses, adult children and in people who have known you forever. Yes, you can find it but you can’t look for it or force it, I’ve found.
So don’t put yourself down for wanting to be around people and don’t expect much from people either.
Blessings,
Inky
January 15, 2017 at 4:56 am in reply to: Poor Medical/Dental Health Accumulates Debt… and misery #125290InkyParticipantHi Jade,
I would do three things:
1. Shop around. Different dentists may say radically different things! Find out the least amount you can do. Or only get one procedure done a year.
2. Get on a payment plan. Not everyone has dental insurance and most dentists have seen it all. You will probably be pleasantly surprised that your dentist is willing to work with you.
3. Swallow your pride. Go two generations up and two generations down in your family. Ask grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws and/or steps for help. It sounds like you have helped a cousin?? Well, now it’s your turn! This is what families are for. Between several family members helping out, 10K may turn into, say, 4K.
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi Ellen,
I have had the exact same problem!
What I would do is get rid of 12 items a year. i.e. 12 DVDs, 12 Books, 12 miscellaneous.
I then would limit myself regarding watching old things and starting to watch new things. So for myself I’ll start no more than eight shows a year. And only buy ten related items concerning the shows. Five for my birthday and five for Christmas.
It all sounds so nonsensical writing/confessing this. But that is how I would hold on AND let go. It’s a delicate balance!
Don’t beat yourself up either.
Best,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi greenshade,
No one asks for your academic resume. And if they do, they’re a jerk.
And unless you make a mistake of epic proportions, you will keep your job.
Those who would have your job should have been more assertive about getting what they want. You getting what they want may be a lesson for them. But they’re not going to say anything or they will be perceived as a jerk and be questioned about how come they didn’t go after the job themselves?
The good news is the longer you stay in your position and the longer you do a good job, the more “legitimate” you will become. In their eyes and in yours as well.
Congratulations! And have no apologies! For an ironic role model, look at Trump. He got in … and doesn’t care!! LOL
Best,
Inky
January 12, 2017 at 4:59 am in reply to: He Left me after 7 years together for Conservative Parents.. Help me Please! #125097InkyParticipantHi Niki,
I liken his parents and their traditions as like a dying virus. The virus always is stronger right before it dies. This kind of traditional mindset will be obsolete in a couple generations. But it’s stronger now in a few families like this as a counter-balance, I suppose, to more liberal arranged marriages.
Anyway, Nina is right. This guy is in his twenties, but he is acting like a teenager. Don’t you see that if it weren’t for his parents he couldn’t survive? His wings will be clipped until they die, and then I bet he’ll grow up to be just like them to his children.
You need an independent, worldly man.
I know this man child was your everything, but if the bond was as great as you say he would have acted differently by now.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but as the years go by you’ll realize what a bullet you dodged! His parents did you a favor, I think.
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi Maria Mango,
For this particular circumstance it’s good to remember:
1. Your boss is a person, not a monster
2. Your boss is actually on your side.
What does this all mean?
Well, I would talk to her over drinks or outside of the work environment. After a glass of wine tell her exactly what you’ve told us. She’ll “get” that if you make a mistake, you are the type of person who is less likely to let her know, even subconsciously.
And, your boss knows how hard “juggling chainsaws” is and would be loathe to give you up as a new person would probably do worse and have to be trained.
Best,
Inky
January 10, 2017 at 4:50 am in reply to: When someone you love makes poor relationship decisions #124993InkyParticipantHi Jade,
Obviously by now she knows how you feel. Something about her pattern is making her feel good. The drama? The cash? Who knows.
Maybe you can set her up with a job. Get her to (one of many examples) be an Uber driver. She’ll be out of the house, away from him, have spending money, and interact with other people.
You can also invite nice men to the house. If you don’t want them, she might. AND, bonus, she’ll see how real men behave and demand respect (even if it’s only beginning to work on a subconscious level).
I know it’s maddening to see someone so misguided right in front of you 24/7. BEEN THERE.
Also, take her out, alone, just the two of you. New places, new experiences, new people. Don’t mention her horrible BFs, just continue to show her the rest of the wonderful world we live in.
Good Luck,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi gawjuschaos,
Nothing matters and yet everything matters. Seek happiness in that paradox. We’re here, aren’t we? Without hurting others, do, be and have what you enjoy!
Best,
Inky
January 8, 2017 at 4:48 am in reply to: How does one stop worrying and start living? (Feeling lost) #124818InkyParticipantHi Julie,
I have several thoughts, so will just list them if that’s OK.
1. You are only 23. You are so young! Especially to be having these thoughts “Who will love you, you shouldn’t be reading a book, etc.” Those are Who Do You Think You Are? thoughts. You must banish them. Say “Whatever” or “If I’m alone, so what”. You are not defective or behind. Many of my friends are single by choice. Say, “I’m choosing to be single on purpose”. And whenever you’re in a relationship say, “I’m choosing to be with this person on purpose”. NOT because he’s the only one there, etc.
2. You are following your mother. This isn’t just a mental thought process you’re going through. Go to a doctor and have a thorough checkup.
3. Continue therapy.
4. Seek sanctuary in your routines.
5. Don’t live with anyone. Then when/if it doesn’t work out you have your own place.
Best,
Inky
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This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by
Inky.
InkyParticipantHi Elle,
I’ve been there, many times, but only with cats.
The final straw was when our indoor cat, like your dog, slipped out the door when a visitor opened it. He was always, like your dog, desperate to go out. And we in the past, very occasionally, and only in amazing weather, would go out in the garden with him. Well, the one time he slipped out on his own, THE ONE TIME ~~ he got eaten by coywolves (a new hybrid of coyote and wolf whose populations are exploding in the suburbs). I knew it was them because I’ve had sightings, and … I found the tail while looking for him.
My family is bugging me to get a dog or another cat. I can’t. I won’t. I’m not going through that again. With every death it feels like it’s my fault. Nope. Not happening. No more animals. It’s cruel to keep them in. It’s cruel to let them out.
Take comfort that many pet owners ~ more than you know ~ are going through this.
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi Leigh,
Night times are tough when you’re alone. A book that helps me is called Man’s Eternal Quest by the guy who wrote Autobiography of a Yogi. If you go on Amazon if you find one book you’ll find the other. I only read a paragraph or so a night. There’s something about his writing that calms me and takes me outside of myself.
Try it, and see if your waking life doesn’t improve as well.
Good Luck,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi velandra,
The first thing to do is to accept the connection and not demonize it.
A less enlightened person (that is, most people) would interpret the connection as a reason to drop their husband and start over. Luckily you know not to do that as you recognize that the connection isn’t romantic, and yet it’s very, very deep.
I get it. I have those connections. It’s like coming home.
You have to set boundaries for the sake of other people’s interpretations and feelings though. Even his and even yours if need be.
View him as an occasional blessing. If you’re talking to him every day for instance, that might not be good.
Blessings,
Inky
InkyParticipantHi strivingforabetterlife,
When I meet someone new I’m not all, “I’m going to quiz them on if they’ve done anything significant.” What a creep I’d be!
More than likely the other person will be filled with anxiety on how to make a good impression on YOU!
Also, look at the environments you frequent. (i.e. Bars = bad. Adult education courses = good. Parties = unlucky. Church = lucky).
You also should live in the present as much as you can. Even if you never made a poor choice, perhaps your life would be the same. Who knows?? I haven’t met one person on the planet who hasn’t been filled with regret over a poor choice. What I do is pretend I chose my life on purpose! (Even if it’s Loner in a Cruel World LOL). It’s a very powerful exercise and should give some relief. I’m the Superhero who gave up a nine to five to Help her Community! 😉
Blessings,
Inky
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This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by
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