Hi chau,

Well, if you’re going to have a temper tantrum (yelling a screaming only), one of the only times when that’s “allowed” is if your girl cheats on you with your best friend.

But here’s the deal. You would often get these temper tantrums.

Now, a man might call these episodes temper tantrums, but to a woman it’s called abusive. The fear she has for you is real. You are literally dangerous to her and around the world and in all time periods a woman could be killed during one of these scenes. You might never lay a hand on her, but the fear is bred in our bones as women.

Seeing your best friend ~ she could have gone out with anyone. This act alone shows great anger towards you. You are all “even” now.

But don’t see her again AND do something about your temper!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi lexy99,

You are in good company. 1/3 of Millennials are still living with their parents. I don’t know the details of the situation, but if you’re truly itching to get out of the family home, you can always couch surf at friends until December. OR proactively find another set-up sooner.

If you do stay and wait, I would pretend you are a guest in your mother’s home. Keep your items in order, bed made, dishes done, laundry folded and put away. Help with the chores, go food/drug store shopping for the family, pay rent. It will put everyone in the mindset that you aren’t just lounging around, that you have already emotionally left.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi vidalevi,

I agree with the previous two posters:

1. Celebrate and enhance what you have by hair, makeup, clothes, jewelry, perfume, exercise… Not to combat anything “lacking” in you, but to have fun with it!! People are like magpies, and will cast second glances your way when you are happy and sparkling!

2. Change the venue. Nice mature guys go to church, clubs (yacht and country!)… Youthful ones go to comi-cons, ren-faires, gaming as mentioned… Try Dog parks… Community events…

Let’s face it, we are too old for going to the club now and to be in the meat market… Tell people you know you are Single and Looking, and have them introduce you to the nice neighbor, cousin, workmate, etc.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Libby,

I would move half an hour from where your husband works in the opposite direction from where your mother lives. If that makes sense.

Then you can truthfully say to your children that your mom lives an hour away so we only see her on holidays.

You AND your mom are caught in this dance that no one can win. So start over by changing the script. Anyone can behave and hold it together for a holiday. She now doesn’t “have” to call to see you because of the drive.

I speak from experience. My dad is like your mom. We are virtual strangers. I dropped the one sided relationship rope and now ONLY see him for holidays. My older children are hurt like yours, but I tell them that their grandpa is just “that way”. I never talk about him in front of them and we live very happily in our own Universe.

Move.

Nothing creates distance like distance. You need distance.

Inky

Hi hannahava,

How did people threaten you? Or was it your father or his family that did?

Some good news is this Pope IS more open minded than any other ~ my step dad and I were talking that the Church will probably get rid of the celibacy rule one day. The Church is in very real trouble because of it, and I hope you show the book and the media thing to your father. I would totally demand that he is part of your life. And hang out every freaking day in his church and OPENLY tell people he is your father. Do not remain silent. Call their bluff. This makes me so angry!!

Wishing you all the best,

Inky

Hi vidalevi,

I never assume a guy likes me AND I never assume a guy DOESN’T like me! (I have been mistaken in the past on both accounts!) People tend to keep their hearts a bit hidden, and if asked directly I would balk too! So don’t ask people directly. Just never assume either way. Practice on keeping your mind and fantasies a blank slate when it comes to people you know.

I agree with anita ~ follow the guy’s lead. Of course, if he stands you up or something, cross him off your list!

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi rennie,

AAAHHH, we found The Trigger, which is this:

You are supposed to stay with the same person forever, because that is what Love Is. But two of your friends/family broke The Rules. AND it worked out in their favor!! Interesting ~ he is mad at your female friend for leaving!! That is because YOU could leave HIM!

It’s like he was “brainwashed” (his thoughts) into thinking everything was fine, but those crazy friends broke the rules and are with the loves of their lives! So he is all conflicted!!

Now he wants the veneer of a gorgeous home, a five course meal and a thin(ner) wife!!

This may pass, like the common cold, but it also may not. Now the internet will tell me some of my advice is WRONG, but here’s what to do until he’s over this dangerous phase. I haven’t “been there” but I’ve SEEN IT. I’ve done some of these accidentally and noticed a difference!

1. A vacation to clear your heads
2. Don’t see the friends for a while, nice as they may be
3. Have professional photographer take head shots of you. You know, you’re all made up, hair done, black and white, face close up, enhanced, etc. Hang it subtly yet prominently so he HAS to see how gorgeous his wife is EVERY DAY.
4.Always have the house entrance neat, the kitchen clean, laundry put away and beds made this year. Now, I know this is NOT FAIR. We are just going to get him out of this mid-life crisis PHASE.
5. Bring something new and wonderful in your lives to DISTRACT him! Season tickets to his favorite team, golf (men love golf) that type of thing.
6. When I’ve gotten a new “look”, a new hair style, or even my nails done, my DH freaks out a little inside. “What’s going on??”
7. Walk around with a bounce in your step and a smile on your lips. He will wonder what’s making you so happy!!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Not to be That Person, but it IS possible there IS someone else. This is just like my Dad!! It turns out there WAS someone else! Even if it’s not a person, SOMETHING triggered him. “My life sucks. You suck.” What the heck was The Trigger? He will deny, deny, deny. But what was it? Seeing his best friend bust out of The System? A conversation with his first love? Seeing a certain movie? Reading an old journal? What?