Hi Adam,

Someone to get angry at a confession of your feelings about them is a little over the top. They are just feelings.

She is the one making things complicated with her anger.

I would leave her alone. Don’t actively start to communicate with her anymore. Respond gently, yes, but don’t start anything.

I also have a feeling that one day she might try to revisit you.

Buddhist Lesson # 2: Let it go ~ for you by not communicating with her. See (and accept!) what happens.

I think you deserve someone better, IMO.

Best,

Inky

Hi Name,

Maybe you shouldn’t call her your GF if she’s treating you like this. You do have to live up to your role on some basic level to have it, you know?

And is she in fact depressed? It sounds like you are now.

I say if she wants Space, give her all the Space in the world!

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi inis,

The non-acknowledgment would really bother me. If I were you I would have gone right up to his ex and said, “HI, I’m inis, a friend of (blank’s name)”. But that’s just me.

It sounds like you are the girl he can call when everyone else is busy or nothing else is going on.

Next time, don’t return his text or call. The second time he tries to contact you say you’re busy or make plans and then scrap them.

This isn’t revenge, it’s changing the script.

The third time (if there is one) say you can’t meet but you’re having a few people over if he’d like to join you. Then he’ll see you with your friends in the context of your awesome universe.

In the meantime, inis, move on to other people and adventures!

Best,

Inky

Hi Shikhar,

Long distance relationships are hard, I’m not going to lie. I say Break up with her (this time for real). Or, conversely, keep it casual and have fun when you do see each other without any expectations. You want to move on even though there is no one else ~ not a good sign! And in her eyes you are The One. Also not good.

It’s too much and not enough.

Just my opine!

Inky

Hi thatellengirl,

My thoughts in no particular order:

1. Men in the entertainment industry are highly pursued AND less likely to hold certain Judeo-Christian values (i.e. chastity)

2. Guy One is in his thirties now ~ and he is still acting like a happy go lucky bachelor. If he’s not pursuing you now, it probably means that he’s never had to pursue anyone ~ and may not even think of it that way!

3. It’s Ok to dump someone for “no good reason”. If you’re not feeling it with Guy #2, is it possible that…

4. …You could meet a Guy #3??

The Universe is chock fully of guys for you! Go out and find some more!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Brav3,

I would tell the common friend, “I don’t want to hear OF her.” If you keep getting tidbits of juicy news on her fabulous life say, “Friend, I’m cutting you off for a while. Nothing personal.” This will give the friend pause, and will probably change his/her mode of communication in the future.

The workplace: Can you actively find a new job? Or work from home or on the weekends or at night? Take a vacation now? Seeing her everyday is a little over the top emotionally.

And I’m sure you’ve heard this, but relationships that started out with cheating (if that’s what she did) or rebound relationships seldom work out long term. I’m betting that her “Everything’s fine/you don’t exist” face is just that ~ a mask.

Do a ceremony where you safely burn those phrased she said to you. I’ve done that and it IS very cathartic!

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi lisa-love,

Some suggestions which might work:

1. Call when they are not home and/or write a letter saying that you are taking a break because they verbally abuse you with their words and attitudes. “See you next year!”

2. Bring a guest with you (next year) so the family has an “audience”. (They will be less likely to revert back to bad habits)

3. Have an alternate place to go. Then at the first hint of disrespect abruptly and silently leave.

4. Get individual family members ALONE. Have it out with that one person. Start with the weakest link. After the visit that one person will not DARE to make fun of you in a group setting. Do this (eventually) with every other family member.

5. Tell everyone via phone message that YOU are celebrating “X” holiday and THEY are invited! No one may go, but if any do it will be on your turf with your friends in the context of your awesome life. If no one goes, that is one more holiday with the Golden Respect only Silence can bring!

6. On social media even if they aren’t “Friends”, make posts Public ~ of you being celebrated, you thanking people for all the overwhelming support, you getting awards, info about your events, etc.

7. One holiday I bought a “NO” button from Staples. Whenever my mom commented on my weight I pressed the button. “NO!!!” Everyone laughed, and the joke was on her (three “NO”s later). She NEVER pulled that stunt again!!

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Inky.

Hi sag220,

My first instinct would be to have you move back to France. And I don’t like how you are the family hero who is supposed to make everything better! Of course, I’m American, so my outlook is completely different (independence, don’t burden the children, eat rice out of my car before depending on others). Would your family’s debt become your debt over there?

I would do what *I* want and perhaps give your mother or the debt collectors 10% of what you make (your charity/tithing). This way you can grow your $$ enough so she could live with you when she’s old.

Just my Thoughts!

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Inky.