Hi BlueHue,

Perhaps contact Al-Anon, which is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. Everyone there will GET the dysfunction. One of the first guidelines is Tough Love. DON’T take the calls. DON’T bail them out of jail. DON’T visit them. It is when they hit Rock Bottom that they finally begin to think about getting better. That may take Decades. It may take tomorrow.

The threatening to tell your BF about you cheating… What the heck??? If they can do that to you, then that is a sign that they are MORE than willing to throw you under the bus. Especially when the stakes are higher. Will they tell your Future Husband (whether he is your current BF or not) about what you did? What I would do… is, rightly or wrongly, deny, deny, deny if it comes to that. And, God forbid, she or he ever get it in their strange heads to ever blackmail you, call their local police who will make a very uncomfortable visit. Blackmailing is a crime. Now, that hasn’t happened, but my hair stands on end by them trying to mess with you.

And a word of warning… Even when the alcoholic is in recovery, they can still be a Dry Drunk. Meaning, her behavior will improve, but she may still try to pull the same crap of old.

Take care of yourself,

Inky

Hi H1978,

One thing I’ve noticed is that we take our “stuff” with us. So if I travel, the newness of everything keeps me excited for about a week or two. But being anyplace after two weeks I tend to settle down to a “routine” or how I’d live if I actually always lived there ~ and that includes Ruminating!!! About old “stuff”!!

With children, once you have them, believe me, you NEVER regret it! Yes, they can be pain in the azzes. BUT everyday IS different! There is the routine of their schedule, school, sports, holidays, BUT there are new adventures, situations, AND you can take them on Family Trips during the holidays!!

It concerns me that in one sentence it SEEMS like you would casually toss your husband to find yourself.

And if you’re a dog sitter you will never be able to go on vacation during holidays because that’s the time when everyone will need a dog sitter!! I mean try it and see where it goes, but I can see where it could conflict with travelling.

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi Samantha,

I call that Instant Karma!! I LOVE Instant Karma! Yes, it could be a Universal Force, or it could be your Energy, OR, probably, THEIR Energy. When someone calls you out on something they convict *themselves*.Subconsciously they KNOW this, that they are really talking about themselves, and their fear of not being like “you” makes that very thing happen!!

With me it’s not so direct. But if someone (usually it was guys) did me wrong, I used to hear about them going to the hospital for something a month later (!!) It never failed. At one point I felt like there was some vengeful Goddess on my side!

The most immediate Instant Karma story that pops into my head was when one of my guy friends was acting like a jerk. The family was walking the dog and he was holding the leash. The dog saw a squirrel and pulled on the leash right after the friend said something snarky to me, and the force made him slip on the ice flat on his back. One kid (the perfect little girl) started uncharacteristically laughing and the other kid (the wild child) started uncharacteristically saying, “Are you OK???” He kept his mouth shut for a while!!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

OH, Elle Tinker!!

Those lyrics remind me of a short story I wrote.

Of a woman who changed herself SO MUCH so her Beloved would love her. To the point where he didn’t recognize who she was.

She secretly, magically became Size 2, blonde haired, beautiful and famous with a different name. He falls in love with this new “stranger”.

BUT everyone wants ultimately to be loved for THEM!! Right???

So five years into the relationship she had G-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y changed to a Size 6 red head who was only regionally well known. And changed part of her new name back to the old name. And some of the things that were turn offs from her old identity were now seen as “quirks” in her personality which were “OK” because he loved her.

Finally ten years later she is now Size 12 with black hair and fully her original self (and not beautiful or famous). She’s all “It was Me the Whole Time” and now YES, he loves her. But she had to trick him in the beginning to FIRST make him love “her” so he could eventually learn to love HER.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

Hi Samantha,

My jaded question to you is: What did you THINK he was doing during his many six months of radio silence? Sure ~ you two were a thing/”thing” for two months. At least that’s what he led you to believe. But believe the months of no contact more.

Next time (with a different guy), no deep talks or intimacy until you are, truly, A Thing. Give it MORE than two months before anything BEGINS.

Best,

Inky

Hi SSL,

Your SHOULDS are becoming a burden!!

For example, if Journaling is stressing you out (being just another thing on the to-do list) it kind of defeats the purpose!

OK, I have a large-ish garden too… Do THAT in the late Spring/Summer, and then do the Journaling/Self Love/etc. stuff in the winter when everyone is trapped indoors. Winter is the time for introspection and introversion. Summer is the time for expansion and extroversion.

Juicing can go under Diet.

Clean out one room per season OR one drawer/shelf a week OR clean out stuff for 15 min. a day. **A GREAT resource is Flylady.net!!**

It sounds like you are also overworked. I would concentrate on YOU and have everyone else in charge of their own Journey, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, you actually rob them of that process.

OK, Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

Hi Darcy,

When I feel good about myself I always think that I am cheating! LOL!

Not to get all Freud and blame everything on your childhood ~ but for mine it seemed like feeling good was almost taboo. I saw one teacher ask a kid, “What are YOU so happy about!?” Anyway, that was the prevailing attitude. Unless you have you have your own glossy magazine you don’t deserve to feel good.

So view Feeling Good as an act of rebellion or insurrection! Feels Good!! 😉

Good Luck!

Inky