Hi Colton,

I just wanted to check in on you since last communicating with you to see how you are. Are you feeling any better? Please post again if you would like with any thoughts..

Hi Hana,

I just wanted to check in on you, to see how you are doing. Are you feeling any better? Please post again if you would like. We are here for you.

Hi Selena,

Let’s put our heads together and try to find a way to find a new way of life for you. I am willing to try to help, if you are willing. To you have a price of paper? First thing, make small steps, don’t overwhelm yourself. What is one thing you can do to bring you hope and peace right now? There has to be something right? Start with that, and ideas will start flowing. You don’t have to stay “stuck”. I am not an expert, therapist, but I care and will help you as best as I can. You are not alone.

Hi Helen

I too had the same problem. Can you tell me a little more about your childhood? Many times, our anger, hurt, abusiveness or rage is actually directed at a former caretaker from Childhood. Sometimes these issues have been forgotten about until they come out in our adult lives and wreak havoc in our adult relationships, causing us to hurt the ones we love. The anger you are using through your boyfriends, is actually depression turned inside out, and the anger and criticism isn’t toward the current person, but from unmet needs you did not have as a child or from a very critical parent who did not listen to your needs, or let you express your feelings. All that resentment built up over the years, is unresolved, causing you to “lash out” now in your adult relationships. It is not your fault.

I would highly suggest reading the book “I love you, don’t leave me” it talks about these very same issues. I think it also comes with a workbook. You can buy it online, get it at the library or bookstore, but it is a best selling book. For years, I was in therapy for a very neglectful, traumatic, chaotic, violent childhood with much abandonment, no love or nurturing from an Alcoholic Mother. I grew up very depressed, angry, lashed out, verbally abusive, etc.

I then had enough and went into intensive inpatient and outpatient Psychotherapy. All they said was “severe panic attacks, some type of personality disorder, major depressive disorder. I was out on medication, but it was never the right ones, I could never find the right Psychiatrist who could give me a good screening diagnosis so I could be put on the right meds, even if it was a cocktail of medications, I would have gladly taken that over the battlefield in my mind and rage.

Finalky, I got screened again at a very good mental health clinic, and I was diagnosed with “Borderline Personality Disorder”. Don’t let this scare you. Many people who have this do not do what is sadly portrayed in movies. They are not “nuts” “psycho” and all the other silly labels people want to give you. Many people also do not self harm. I don’t. Many have five years of DBT therapy, and they no longer have the criteria of the disorder. I am on my last year of Psychotherapy and am on a cocktail of excellent medications. No, they are not “antipsychotics” or heavy medications that turn you into a zombie, but since being on them, am a new person..no longer the hateful person lashing out, filled with rage, tantrums, anger, pushing people away like I used to be. BPD is not a life sentence. There is hope, there is help.

The best thing to do is get the right Psychiatrist or Psychotherapist and get screened and get on the right medication. Unfortunately, this problem Can not be “snapped out of” or “willed away”. It takes quality Psychotherapy, anger management, screening for a correct diagnosis, and I strongly suggest that book mentioned earlier. Keep us posted. x

Hi Selena,

There is always hope. One bad chapter does not mean a bad life. You can do this. Keep trying. Contact resources, mental health specialists to see what other options you have. Please don’t give up. Keep us posted. x