Hi Christopher,

It is very hard to be in a relationship with a widow. I have been in a few, and it always ends the same, with me getting hurt. Usually they come on too strong and intense, then they talk alot about their wife, then they start comparing me to her. Once I was making dinner, It was very romantic. Had the candles, table beautifully set up, he got home from work, didn’t appreciate anything, said “my wife would have put the flowers this way, or season the steak that way. It was always something, I felt I was always trying to “measure” up. It takes them a very long time to grieve and let go, I won’t ever date a widower again.

Hi D,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I am befuddled as to why someone would do this after two years. He didn’t even offer an explanation, or anything. If someone did this to me, I don’t think I could ever face them again, because they didn’t care or respect me enough to even call, text, e-mail to say “goodbye, have a nice life” or anything. If they can’t say “goodbye” to me, they don’t deserve a “goodbye” in response, so in a way, karma comes back and you can “ghost” him too.

However, if he lives locally, you can go over and just talk to him and find out what happened and why he would do something like this after two years. I think what he did was take the cowards way out.

Hi Marie,

People come on here for empathy and support. If you are hurting, would you want to be talked to that way? Ease up!

Hi Nez,

I don’t have too much to go on with your post, but from what I understand, you are currently in a relationship, and cuddling with someone else, yet view it as “casual”. I am wondering why you don’t want to cuddle with your significant other and choose this man instead. I think if I were the significant other and I saw my boyfriends head in another woman’s lap, I would feel betrayed. No, this is not casual. Any kind of touching is not casual. I do think you need to re-evaluate your current relationship, and find out what is making you unhappy to make you want to cuddle with another man. Just some thoughts.

Hi None,

I know it’s going to be hard, but I think she needs to know..

Hi Victoria,

There is a book I highly recommend called “Freedom after Toxic Relationships” by Avril Carruthers. An excellent book.

Hi Cranberry,

You may have not lost your ex. Just because he is following that girl around on social media, may not mean anything is happening romantically, more of an online pen-pal. Have you done any work on your issues as such as the jealousy and other issues such as counseling? I would work on these issues and yourself. Give him some time. Maybe after a few months, give him a call, tell him, you are deeply sorry, for any hurt you may have caused him, and that you have gotten in treatment for jealousy, etc. Also, please don’t follow him around on social media because it will only make you more miserable and lonely. While you are emotionally charged, try not to have any contact with him. Delete him from social media, etc for awhile while you work on your issues and ready to talk to him again. When you do talk to him, keep it light, friendly, casual and simple. Nothing heavy. No pleading or asking him to please get back together. Don’t make it uncomfortable for him. He knows you still care. The ball is in his court. Just go slowly and become friends again and go from there.

Psychology is a great major. I have a BA in it. Stay at the University. In time, you will find yourself less overwhelmed and lonely, and you will think about him less as time goes on. You will make new memories, make new friends, get involved with new activities. It just takes time. Keep us posted.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Eliana.