Hi Hayley,

I don’t have much too add, but many times, when I interact with men via “Snapchat” “Facebook” “We chat” etc..it usually does not work out. I usually do not communicate with men by “texting” either because texting alot and social media can cause alot of problems with communication, or lack of it. That is why I no longer have profiles on Social Media. I once met a man on Facebook and tended to have “jealousy” because he would get angry and block me, or I would block him, or he would “friend” a woman and so on..too much unnecessary drama. So from now on, try to communicate with men by person only or phone. Try to stay away from “texting” unless urgent and social media because it causes alot of problems in relationships.

Hi Davis,

I don’t have much to add, but something to keep in mind that he may not get better or even if he does, or if he gets depressed again, many depressed people don’t have alot of motivation to “up and move” “maintain long distance relationships”. Another concern, is let’s say he does move, and he “gets depressed again” will be break up with you again? I suffer from depression myself. Sometimes the smallest things can be overwhelming. Long distance tends to make things very complicated. I hope it all works out.

Hi Connie,

Since, it was a simple e-mail, he was just saying he missed you, although that was sweet, he did not state was his intentions are. It seems he is confused and unsure of what he really wants. If you did get back with him, do you think things would get any better, or would you feel frustrated, confused, unsure, doubtful? He did not say in his e-mail that he still loved you, or that he needed you in his life, he really did not make much effort at all to reach out to make you a part of his life again..really he did nothing, except leaving you confused.

When my ex wanted me back, he came over with flowers and chocolate and asked for forgiveness, and a second chance to make things right. To prove himself that he had changed. That he wanted a committed relationship. Your ex e-mailing you “I miss you”..not enough effort. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be.

So, maybe just play it cool. Just write him a short e-mail saying “Hi, it’s nice to hear from you, I miss you too” that’s it. Then make him work for you. If he does not work for you, he is not wanting anything at this time. Maybe all he was doing was “just missing you”. Let me know your thoughts?

Hi, Quirine,

Is there anyway, you can send her a text message saying “is there anyway we can get past being pen pals?”. That will put the ball in her court.

I think alot of the anxiety and insecurity is that you mentioned you are texting each other alot or chatting via social media such as Facebook. For the time being, maybe not go on there, and try to have phone conversations with her. I think communicating that way is much more personalized then “texting”. Personally, I hate it when someone I start to get to know and like only texts me or communicates me via Facebook Messenger. Sometimes, there is a long “pause” after I write, and I am pretty sure they are writing to other women at the same time. So I stopped communicating this way. I figure if they **truly** like me, they will call me on the phone and ask me out. Try it with this woman, see if she will contact you any other way besides Facebook and texting. If she doesn’t, chances are, she is not emotionally available for any kind of relationship. Let me know your thoughts?

Hi, Tgo tiny Buddah,

I don’t think at this point it would be good for you to be “friends” with him. Being in love with him, you are too emotionally charged and invested in him. Just a while back, you were saying “he was perfect” for you. In a way, I think he was leading you on..I am sure he knew your feelings toward him, and he should have told you in the beginning he did not want to be in a relationship. What he said to you seems a bit cruel. If someone said that to me, after texting me constantly, and everything he was doing with you, I would be very angry.

I would tell him, that you feel a bit of sadness because you felt he wanted more than friendship, and then suddenly he became distant and said “oh sorry, changed my mind, just wanna be friends” huh?? I would not have any contact with him, until you know you can just be “friends”, but I would not want a friendship with a man who plays games and mixed signals and a harsh “I don’t see a future with you”. Let me know your thoughts..

Hi Macy,

From your posts, and just hearing you talk about him, and your concern about the way his children are shows you are “not tough or hard” in a bad way, but you are a strong and sensitive woman who is being controlled, someone who has had enough of it, and someone speaking up and asserting herself and even removing herself from a toxic relationship and dysfunction between him and his children, and his controlling and manipulating ways.

I know it hurts, but I do feel your feelings have changed about him. Understandably so. You are not getting your needs met, and he is not going to change. If he contacts you, just say “I enjoyed the time we spent together, but I no longer feel we are compatible, and we need to go out separate ways”. That’s it. You don’t owe him any more. If he continues to keep talking, politely say, you have to go, and end the call. Don’t contact him again. He may continue for awhile, but don’t fall for “I will change” because he would have done so by now. Don’t answer or return his texts, calls or e-mails. If he ** really** wanted you, he would do alot more to fight for you thenvjyst a cowardly text. He would move heaven and earth to get you back. In time, he will tire of it, and you will find the love and attention you deserve.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Jeff,

What you are going through is the normal grieving process. It took me three years to get over my ex, but because of severe childhood trauma such as neglect and constant abandonment and rejection, I have a difficult time getting over the loss of a love. Once I got fired from a job over him, because I worked in a call center, and had to keep getting off the phones to go to the bathroom and cry.

I would come home and be so devastated, I would barely talk to my roommate, just isolated myself in my bedroom. I could not get him off my mind, Nothing seemed to help, not even counseling. Finally, I started to get out of my head, as it was destroying my emotional health and started volunteering at a homeless shelter and an animal sanctuary. Seeing people who had so little, yet had happiness inside, made me feel better. Animals, and being an animal lover brought me comfort. I also joined a book club and met some friends.

I bought this book on Amazon dot com called “”How to get over the loss of a love” and “Co-Dependent no more”. Those books really helped me. Keep us posted. It will take time and patience, but it does get better.

Hi Sarah,

You mentioned your past relationship was filled with alot of emotional intensity, ups, downs, intensity. That is something you got used to. Sometimes when we get used to something, it’s almost like we “crave” that emotional intensity for so long. It has a hold on us. There may have also not been closure with your ex, and you are missing certain aspects of that relationship, even though it was not healthy, it’s all you knew and in a way sort of exhilarating.

Fast forward to know, the anxiety is coming from being in a healthy, normal, stable relationship. There is no excitement, drama, emotions, intensity that you experienced in the past, and there is a part of you know that is craving it. Maybe try to create excitement in the relationship, but in a healthy way. Plan surprises. Go for a weekend getaway, do something together you have never done. When you get out of your routine, the magic can come back and bring back those “butterflies”. Surprise him with a bubble bath, go to a drive in..yes there are still some of them out there. Go to a laser light show to at a planetarium. Go for a romantic long drive at night, take a telescope and look at stars. Just the smallest things to get you “unstuck” and bring back the giddiness.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Eliana.