Dear Christiana Moore,

You have had some very good replies with lots of suggestions to help you deal with your emotional distress.

I don’t believe that it is healthy to carry your hurt with you until you can confront the abusers.  The letters you wrote were not well received but have you thought of writing individual letters to all your abusers but instead of sending them, hold a ceremony to release your words into the Universe.  You can do this by setting them on fire, safely of course, and make a statement that you are releasing all your hurt and pain to the Universe instead of keeping it locked away inside yourself.

You say that you touched the surface of your pain with meditation and crystals.  This is good, very good.  Clearing the surface will allow other things to come up and you will then be able to deal with them.   Sometimes it is like peeling layers off an onion.  You remove one layer and another one appears from underneath it, no longer hidden from sight.

It might also help if you were to have a talk with your inner child.  Tell her that you love her and that you (the adult) will do your utmost to see that no-one ever harms her again.  Keep reassuring her that she is safe now.  Send her as much love as you are able to and gradually your pain will ease.

Anxiety issues can frequently be overcome by learning correct breathing techniques.  It sounds too simple doesn’t it.  Meditation might have taught you this, i don’t know, but if you put your hand on the area between your lower ribcage (your solar plexus) and breathe into your hand until you can feel that area rising, you will be breathing more fully and your anxiety levels will drop if you practise this on a regular basis.  Ideally, this should be your normal breathing pattern.

It is worrying that you are not able to speak out when someone is causing you harm.  You need to address this as soon as you can.  It may help you if you can take some assertiveness training to give you more confidence.  A simple “please don’t do that” might be all it needs sometimes.  You can practise this in front of a mirror at home until you feel that you have some authority in your voice and maintain eye contact when possible.

I sincerely hope that you are able to overcome your difficult start in life and wish you all the best for the future.

Peggy

Hello Wanderlustkitten,

I am picking up from your post that you don’t feel as if you have any control over your life.  Some of this stems from the situation we are all in with regard to this blessed Coronavirus.  Also, you are scared of death and you don’t think there is any point to doing anything.  The first thing you need to do is to change your self talk.

The point to life is love.  Love glorious love.  Beginning, middle and end.  You love to write.  This may sound very obvious but you have to write it before you can share it.  You want to inspire people, create change in others and touch them in some way.  What is stopping you?  The only person that can stop you from doing this is yourself.  Who cares if you make it as a writer?  You do.  Who cares if you make it as a waitress, shop assistant, ticket collector?  This is not the point.  You have been given your own unique mix of talents, character traits, preferences and so on.  You are here to make the most of what has been bestowed upon you as a birthright.  By the way, you are not necessarily going to know if you have touched or inspired someone.  You are not going to meet with every person that reads your work.

Have you ever heard that if you change your thoughts, you change your life.  This is true.  You need to think far more positively than your post suggests you have been doing.  As long as you keep replaying your problems, you will not be able to find the solutions to those problems.  Deal with one thing at once.  If noise keeps you awake at night, invest in some earplugs.  If you are stressed, play relaxation music particularly at bedtime.  You can find plenty online which is free.  Pay particular attention to your breathing ensuring that you breathe into the base of your lungs.  Guided relaxation may help you with this.

Use writing as your therapy.  Write about this situation that you are in.  Paint the picture with your words.  Your creativity center exists just below your navel.  Breathe the color orange into that point.  Revitalize yourself.

Finally, learn to live in the NOW and stop worrying about what might happen when you are dead.  You will take with you all that you have achieved on Earth.  Your spirit will survive.  Death is just another state of change.  Live your life with courage, strength and power and achieve your inspirational dream.

I hope you read this and that it helps you take life in both hands and live it to the full.

Wishing you the best of everything.

Peggy

Hello Soul Searcher,

Thank you for writing in and expressing how difficult you are finding life at the moment.  Many people are struggling with being isolated but you have the added pressure of undergoing several changes at the same time.  This is always unsettling.  Perhaps it might help you if you just take life one day at a time.  It is more important than ever that you create structure to your day.  Also remember to be kind to yourself.  Physically, you only need to pay attention to three things.  The three things your body needs to function are:  food/drink, exercise, rest/sleep.  Create a daily diary putting these three things in as priority.  Make time to be creative – this could be cooking a nutritious meal, decorating a room, art and craft, making music and so on.  Whatever you do, whatever book you read, whenever you meditate, make it pleasurable.  Form your good habits around things that you enjoy.  That way you will continue with them.  Above all, express gratitude for all the good things you have in your life.

I hope you begin to feel better soon –

Kind regards,

Peggy

Hi Aalii,

This sounds like a dreadful start to your life, very harsh.  Parents should be there to protect their children as far as possible and yours have failed miserably at that.  First of all you need to give the blame back to the people it belongs to – that is any abuser you have ever met.  Your turning point seems to have happened when you became sole carer for your own children.

You need to  begin by building your own self esteem, find your own worth.  Little by little, beat away depressing thoughts.  You don’t need them.  Every time you find a negative thought popping into your head, replace it with a positive thought.  Give your children lots of praise and encouragement.  In some small way, this will heal a part of you.

Writing and art can both be therapeutic.  You can write letters to the people that have abused you, not with the intention of sending them, but just so that you can burn them, release them into the Universe and move on from them.  This can be very cleansing.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I have your full post but I hope some of the above will be helpful to you.

May I send my healing light and love to you.

With best wishes

Peggy

Hi LK,

Friendships come and go.  They are transient.  They are subject to circumstance and change.  Your last post to Inky suggests that you have come to recognize this and, even though you may have had a parting of the ways, you can take nurture from this experience and friendship that at first glance seemed so negative.

I hope that you continue to grow with spiritual awareness and meet lots of like minded people who will encourage you in your pursuits.

Happy New Year.

Peggy

Hi Kaylen,

If you create your art or writing just for the fun of it, then you cannot be classed as a failure.  It’s just fun.  You may have failed at completing the task but that doesn’t make you, the person, a failure.  Did you ever get to learn the piano?  If not, perhaps you could start there.  You don’t need to justify why you want to learn the piano or why you enjoy art.  That is just the way you are.  It is all part of your uniqueness.  Accepting that you can chose your own hobbies and that you don’t need your parents’ permission is all part of the growing process.  Pick up one of those stories, re-read it as far as you have got, then just write anything down that comes into your head.  It doesn’t matter if it’s nonsensical – just let the words flow.

Best wishes

Peggy

Hi All,

No-one likes to have their heart broken but it happens to nearly everyone.  Those people just weren’t right for you and if you hang in there someone better will come along.  Everyone is worthy of love.  You’ve been loved before and you will be loved again.  Work on loving yourselves and count all the many blessings you already have in your life.  Comparisons are a waste of time.  You don’t have to put yourself out there and on-line dating isn’t compulsory.  You meet people every day of your life in all sorts of situations.  Engage with your own interests, join with other people who share those interests, get creative and have fun.  The New Year is a great opportunity for you to reinvent yourself.  Love those women you can become with a little effort.

Good Luck

Peggy

Hi Sadpanda,

Thank you for your reply. I hope you follow through on some of my suggestions.  Lack of self esteem is not a condition. It can be eradicated really simply.  You need to identify all the good things there are about you and then you need to tell yourself over and over again.  Sit quietly whilst you go through your list of “I am ………………….(insert positive word).  Pause between each statement that you make about yourself.  Really take it into your abdomen – let it go to the core of yourself.

You will find under the ‘Fun’ Section of this Forum, the kind of things others are able to say about themselves.  As long as you feel that the words you use about yourself are true, then this will have an amazing effect upon you.

Your situation feels catastrophic at the moment because you are looking at the whole thing.  If you divide this up into small pieces, you will find that it is much easier to deal with.

You can come through this being much stronger than you ever thought possible.

All the Best

Peggy