I think it’s a learned thing to dislike vegetables. If you’re exposed to them enough as a kid, you’ll like them. My background is Hindu and I come from a caste that practices vegetarianism, so from a very early age I ate all kinds of vegetables and found almost all of them to be delicious. Sure, I complained and asked for fast food every now and then, what child doesn’t? But I still grew up loving broccoli, cauliflower, okra, brussel sprouts, cucumber… you name it! But not eggplant, eggplant I will not abide. 😉

But I also agree with what Shirlee said about processed foods being addictive. Processed food companies develop their products in a very methodical way, they research what flavours people crave, they research the best ways to combine these flavours, then they find ways to fine tune their products so that they light up the pleasure-seeking centres of our brains. Processed food IS addictive, it’s developed to be so on purpose, and many companies who make this stuff really don’t care if their food is ultimately detrimental to our health and well-being.

I know I’m only a stranger on the internet, but for some reason I read your story and wanted to let you know I think you should stick with it. A similar thing happened to me 5 months into dating my BF, we hit a snag and put the brakes on things, and from that point on he never treated me the same as before. But that was 3 years ago and my BF is now my fiancé! In hindsight, I can see that it was just the transition of our relationship going from “courtship” to “established”. The truth is that a lot of men stop “wooing” their partners once things are sort of permanent. And even though my FH will never surprise me with roses or dinner or elaborate showy praise anymore, he’s much more authentic and true to himself.

Your decision on whether to continue with the relationship might be a matter of “am I leaving because he’s doing something wrong, or because he’s not doing everything right?” Expecting perfection of our partners is a poison. But if he’s not enough for you, don’t feel guilty about leaving!

I’ve often told people that if it wasn’t for music, I wouldn’t have any belief in the divine. There is something about music that I find transcendent, it is the one that makes me feel the most alive and at peace with the universe. It’s something that must run in my family too, because I know my parents and siblings all enjoy music as much as I do!

I love all kinds of music, no matter the genre or language, but my heart belongs to EDM (electronic dance music); there’s something about the upbeat tempo and repetitive rhythm that just speaks to me. Plus, it makes me want to move and dance and express my joy physically. 😀

Roz, I thought about being a music therapist when I was in school! But my parents steered me away and I was too young not to obey them.

I can definitely see myself in your girlfriend’s shoes… I am an extremely light sleeper and when my sleep is disrupted I get extremely irritated. It’s just one of those things, sleep is just so damn important to me, it brings me joy and happiness, and to have it ruined just sets me off. I also have a fiancé who likes watching TV late into the wee hours of the night while in bed. He also works a later shift than me (noon to 8pm) so he doesn’t need to go to bed that early anyway. And when he falls asleep, he just passes out for the night. Lucky him!

So I can imagine your GF wanting to rest as much as she can because she is ill as well, and being mad that you interrupted that, but the part about you saying that she tends to guilt trip you into coming home makes me think it’s more than that. Maybe she has trust issues. Maybe she’s got worst-case-scenerios running through her head (i.e. if you’re at home with her you’re not being shot or stabbed). Maybe she feels like the fact that you don’t rush home to her means that you don’t really love her (because we all learned some terrible lessons about how love works). Whatever the case, find a moment when both of you are calm and relaxed and talk things over. Communication of authentic feelings will illuminate any underlying issues.

I think one of the things that a lot of us struggle to accept is that we will be superior to some people in certain ways, and other people will be superior to us in other ways. That’s just human nature, we vary and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. It’s not self-righteous for me to accept and acknowledge that I have certain skills or strengths. And it isn’t selfish to find pleasure in your own strengths and happiness. But to people like you and I who are recovering self-critics, it can seem like a bizarre notion!

I think that it’s great that you are working on ways to feel more positive, and yes in the beginning it’s going to feel strange and fake, like you are posturing. But give it time and routine, and eventually you will be able to acknowledge your positivity without guilt.

My advice: be gentle with yourself (we all make mistakes/are flawed, and are worthy of forgiveness), try to discover the root of your anger (and how to dissipate it), and practice mindfulness (resisting the urge to go through life on autopilot or reacting without thinking).

There are no rules on how long a broken heart lasts, and indeed at your age it’s going to take some time, there’s no shame in that! Don’t feel as if you have to forget her either! She made you happy, she was part of an important time in your life, cherish those precious memories! But don’t completely dwell in the past either, and don’t spend too much of your energy focusing on a future that may never happen. My advice would be… take care of yourself! What are your hobbies and interests? Throw yourself into them, meet new people, continue doing the things that make you feel awesome and fulfilled. Peace will come in time. 😀

My only recommendation would be to limit how much contact you have with her family. Breakups are easier to get over when the break is clean. Her family contacting probably isn’t helping in that area.

I think you made a very wise and mature decision when you decided to break up with him, but that doesn’t mean your heart still can’t hurt. I also think many people fixate on the “greener grass” on the other side of their decision. Trust yourself that you made the best decision possible at that given moment in time, it was what you needed for yourself. It’s easy to fixate on the past and retrospectively pick apart your past decisions, but I would advise letting go of the past and focusing on the future. It’s hard letting go of heartbreak, but give yourself time and I think you will be fine. 🙂