Hello anita

I want to say a huge thank you for taking the time and effort to do all that, i really really appreciate it.
All of those things are spot on, an hour ago i was imagining her leaving me and panic rushed through my body. I really dont wanna lose her but i cant keep her while being like this. I dont know how long its gonna take for me to feel good again.

I would like to analyze all of those actually haha

I am off to work, will check again later, thank you very much!

Then i wanna fix this, perhaps with her. I know how it seems and its not like we were making big plans for the future, thats why i still want to explore this connection.
No i know she’s great, i’ve seen many qualities that she has over the months i’ve been getting to know her.
I dont know yet, i have to give more time..

Same here, good night

Yes but how can i connect it to the girl? I cant fathom

Btw, just half an hour ago, i felt a sense of “relief” in my body, like i am back to my old self (before i met her) and everything i wanted from her, the things i wanted to have on my future girlfriend, gone like they dont matter. Mind you, 3 hours ago i was hurting in the thought of losing her from my life. I feel like my mind put her in the “ex-drawer”. I think i feel calm but devoid of love feelings.

I think the second one resonates more, but i can’t seem to connect the two events.

Yes i mean i was mostly anxious/chasing but this time i was the chaser/fixer UNTIL things got steady, she “confessed” her feelings to me and how i made her feel in a poem that she wrote (which made me feel like something inside me shook), then we had the conversation that felt weird to me, then i lost feelings/dissociated.

I’ve always had this scenario in my mind, that maybe some day it would come to this but that wasnt a problem with me, if we had built a real connection for a year or two and we would have to decide, but this was too soon.

They were all short-lived (longest one 7 months), most of them toxic and i’ve always been the anxious/chaser, definitely not secure.

Hello anita
Yesterday i came clean to her about everything in my mind. My shutdown, my possible avoidant attachment, my depression and nothingness, i told her how much she meant/means to me and how she made me feel. She was kinda astounded and we both agreed on taking some time to see if we want to continue and how we are feeling.

Immediately after confessing everything to her i went even more numb and flat, felt like i cant care if she leaves or stays. I told her that i now gave you the power to “hurt” me and its something ive never done in my life, sharing the darkest parts of me.
My feelings of depression and apathy/anhedonia are still here ofc, i still dont wanna do anything.
I am really worried i pushed a great person away and i am gonna deeply regret it later.

Oh, how did that go? Did u have any side effects? did they truly help u get better or is it better off?
I dont take any yet, but the appointment with the psychiatrist is at the end of the month, so idk if he will prescribe me with some.

I mean if i can read the summary/meaning of the movie somewhere without having to watch it 🙂