Yes exactly, my love and selflessness, my joy. I only got sadness and anxiety now, also despair.
I wish i could reignite everything..

Did u get any medication for it? (i suppose u went through it sadly)

Right now i can’t focus on watching anything, let alone enjoying it.
Do u think i could read the meaning somewhere?

Thank you very much, i hope so too, but the road seems lonely and far..

Thanks for your reply, Roberta

I mostly felt good when i was helping people. So i might have to find a job or something like volunteering like u said to get that feeling back. But its hard to move now

Glad u feeling better!

I play some games on PC, i work and i go to the gym, but i do all those feeling empty and depressed, while my mind is constantly on her.

I told her that it could be because of our frequent communication, because of her showing too much love, limerence, adhd hyperfixation/ocd, because i didnt set firm boundaries (which is true), because i was feeling too much and some other things that eventually got her start “hating” our relationship, since she interpreted them as very negative things, so she started disconnecting aswell. I feel like i’ve fractured a good part of our bond and that makes me sad.

I don’t know if that’s possible, since the first one, the intense, is only present because of the dopamine (i guess).
The normal one is good too, but right now it’s the numb/depressed version which im trying desperately to get out of.

I have never done meditation, don’t know how it works.

It is a part filled with joy, positivity and happiness. Motivated and driven to do a lot of things, loves being caring and giving to people, taking care of my SO is very fulfilling. Also kinda tireless, energetic, full of dopamine and serotonin.
I dont think i can make it any longer but all & all, it feels euphoric and purposeful.

I dont know if thats good tho

Yes i will just stick to the last thing i said, that i feel a bit off and im working on it and i still want to be with her.
That’s what im trying to do lately, remove her from the pedestal. But damn it hurts if i lose her..

Yeah its all good dont worry 🙂

The truth is, ive told her that right now my feelings are very dimmed down, didnt tell her about the possible deactivation.
She said “after some things you said up close, i got the idea that u dont really wanna do things in your life, and i definitely want to do things, so i would like to see if this can work on that matter”. I already told her that this version of me is not the normal one, i usually am a very fun person to be around, with plenty of interests and she said “ofc, i take that into consideration, but i would like to discuss those concerns with you”. I think she is just living in the future once more, worrying about things that might not even happen, because she does that.
But the truth is, i really don’t have any specific plans for the future, i am just a person that likes to live every day as it happens, i enjoy trips-motorcycle-photographs-exploring new places-stargazing and i would like to build something with a girl in the future (be it house, business, family). But i dont really know if thats good or not and that triggers my fears that she is gonna leave me over that conversation.
She also wants to discuss about our vibe being “off” lately, but i can’t really tell her that my feelings are off, can i?

I think right now my “love” capabilities are off, maybe muted by the depression/numbness?