Hey anita

U think? I actually feel very not-myself in the past 7 months since that day.. Feels like my normal self is resting/hiding somewhere i dont know.. Thats nice of you thank you 🙂

I find your knowledge and replies fun and profound too 🙂

Haha funny thing is, she told me the other week that she’s more “bound” with the current me, rather than the one i’m claiming i was before November, even tho sometimes she’s missing how spontaneous and affectionate/caring i was towards her, i still am but not to that degree, i wish i was..

Yeah i read about it, how it affects dopamine and reward system, basically jumpstarts them or something. Idk if i should consider that. The psychiatrist had told me that it’s because of my dopamine being too high i get all those thoughts/ruminations/obsessions. But in the last days i think i feel a bit better overall, definitely not the in love feelings like before but calmer and more accepting. Maybe those feelings will not come back again sadly and i have to stay and work on it for the first time in my life.

Haha just use whatever emoji u got saved there.

Oh i was doing that too a lot of the times, i got introduced into pc gaming around 13~ so before that i would do what u did.

Yes she’s a sweetheart 🙂

Yeah i know, i don’t say we will do this no matter what, i wanted this to be more of a get-to-know each other year, maybe some trips around europe and then see if we wanna move in together, but now that i have this issue it’s pretty difficult for me..

Hey anita

Hmm, i think i was affected by isolating and being constantly on edge-hyper vigillance..Thats what i remember..

So i was thinking today..maybe what happened to me was a LDR burnout? (i think it’s a thing) and because i couldn’t give her what i wanted, my mind went to defensive-distancing mode to avoid possible rejection?
Because i feel like i can’t give energy, i don’t have anything..

Hey anita

So if i understand correctly, my system is overloaded and can’t handle intensity at all. How will this go away i wonder? Is it neurochemical or?

Idk when and how it was happening if it’s before adulthood.

Haha i like the acronyms!

No no, i also like Eminem, mockingbird and when i’m gone are probably my favorites from him. I also like Linkin Park!

Vocal trance is something like: Reflekt-Need to feel loved and techno probably: Push – Strange World or PPK-Ressurection (that’s a gold)

From 2pac i think Ballad of a dead soulja and jezebel 🙂

Hmm, i “disregard” it by breaking it down and giving excuses. For example, i might get angry at something on the street but then i’ll go in my head “that probably happened because: X, so don’t be so upset” or something like that..

Today therapist told me to try and limit my ruminations and compulsions to 3 hours a day and then try to focus and be present with who i’m with or what i’m doing. Also we tried to go deeper and see how i perceive love, relationships and stuff.

Hey anita

Glad i made your evening with such a small thing 🙂

Thank you anita, ditto 🙂

I think i dont want it because it wasnt good when it happened so i keep finding excuses to not be angry..

Oh i rarely feel it..and in the past 3-4 days i am so calm/numb? i dont know..

I only like some greek songs, not many.

Hey anita

I think it’s because i dont like anger or i suppressed it too much throughout my life so its inhibited, i do get it sometimes tho.

I am fine with the emojis they’re fun and creative haha (u should see our convo with the girl, full of emojis and meanings)

U are already helping by answering so many things here 🙂

U know what? I suspect i was like this before and this relationship penetrated my anhedonia for a while until it returned..I read some similar cases in the other forum and i could relate..

Hey anita

Yeah abuse is off the table, since i’ve experienced much of it in my upbringing..

That’s what i should be doing but i can’t focus on anything without having her running in the back of my mind. For example, today i went for a walk with a friend that i hadn’t seen in months, the whole walk i was thinking of her, checking my feelings and stuff. Then i went home (we were texting) and i felt unable to connect/uninterested, but same thing was towards my friend too. So i suspect it was either a state of mine at that specific time or maybe it was my friend’s fault, maybe he’s boring or i can’t connect with anyone in general. I felt the need to go home so i told him, i got home, continued talking with her, then i had some laughs with our convo. And now, 5 minutes ago i was crying because i saw a reel from the dudu bear that was crying, fearing he is not enough for his girl and she will leave him. Idk why i cried so much to this.

It’s like i am burnt out since that day of november and i can’t recover, i can’t connect with people, i can’t focus on conversations, food lost it’s taste, everything..