Hello Alessa

I think i always knew that, but after a while i stopped caring if thats the case.

Yes i didnt feel like relying on anyone tbh, couldnt open up.

Unfortunately i did experience both, never one end of the equation, so i guess that left me..confused? 🙂

I can’t really feel it inside me though, as if im lying to myself.
Thank you very much for your kind words, they mean a lot 🙂

Hello anita

Like i said, i think my mind is not “programmed” to receive love, it feels kinda foreign.

My mind feels like a rollercoaster these days, heavy hopelessness and despair setting in.

Its like i didnt have to care and know all those struggles of life back then, so it was much better and simpler

I am trying but i cant feel it

Hey anita

Well i think its either forgiveness or indifference, or…dissociation? I know i didn’t deserve it but i think i have moved past that.Ofc it was not giving her the excuse to do those things i agree.. Do you think it could still be influencing me?

Funny thing is, i cant give myself empathy 🙂

Oh i think there have been a couple times that she called me “nothing” too, when she was really angry.

I think it did shape me in some ways (hopefully 🙂 ) but it might have not been in good ways from what is showing haha.

I would say it was chaotic at most, like we said in previous posts, but i never blamed her because she didnt have it easy either. I know she loved me but due to her own issues she couldnt express it always and in the right way. It was mostly fighting and arguing tho, that’s the main thing that comes to mind

Hello anita, hopefully but it still doesn’t feel like it

It is but i dont know how to explore it.
Hmm, perhaps but i cant recall anything specific..

Im trying but then i get the feeling that i am leading her on/im a terrible person, etc because i can’t be the one i was before that. Even tho i kinda communicated that with her (not the entire thing) and she said to just accept myself for now and not think like that.

No no, i think i don’t know what/how love feels like. I think it’s a far and blurred concept in my mind. I’ve only known how to be strong and be there for others, not how to love in general. And in romantic relationships, just the feeling of infatuation, nothing after that.

I am having a hard time to find guides that specifically get you into this state but i think chatgpt can help with that.

But can u feel that consciously? Because i can’t feel any of these.

Yes it was after i formed my own “mind” and beliefs, but maybe it was too late for that.

Do you suggest IFS to get to the root of all those? Btw, it’s not that my feelings of infatuation returned for the girl, but now i don’t get the urge to run when we talk, seems like i can kinda develop some deep convos lately.

Hello anita!

I literally feel like i’ve never done that in the past so it’s foreign language to me.

Yes, i didn’t trust anything good to last, always expected things to go south at some point.

Well, how do we do that since we haven’t been taught when we were kids? I think that’s a big issue for me.

Yeah, i feel like that because my mind severed the connection, and her behaviour (colder-less affectionate, which is kinda justified) doesn’t help bridge the gap at all. I thought of that possibility, but how can we know if such thing happened? I can’t fathom this concept. It feels like i can’t feel any warmth towards any connection right now (not even friends-family).

If i do that, it feels strange/cringe and fake in a way. Like myself doesn’t believe me, it feels like something uknown to me.