Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
ConfusedParticipantAlright i will try that when the rumination gets strong. But i dont know why it happens
ConfusedParticipantI am not good with arts (poems-painting) but what u said reminded me of my childhood when i was doing stuff with nature. Planting-cutting grass-watering it, it was very grounding and calming indeed, i might have to do that again. Its kinda cold here now (0 and below some days) but its sunny so i can do that too.
Thats what ive been doing for the past 2.5 months.. Ive seen the thing with the senses that u are talking about, but always was too lazy to try it haha. Gonna definitely try it when i get stuck in ruminating again. Im trying to focus on things i see and hear outside mostly but it doesnt rly help
ConfusedParticipantHello anita, i will get back to you soon, got to go for now 🙂
ConfusedParticipantI know and i hate that things turned out this way..I guess i might be using the ‘in love’ feelings to give color to my life, but i have to find that within.
How do we do that, anita? 🙂ConfusedParticipantYeah i guess thats for the best. Until i figure my own things out..
ConfusedParticipantI know this is what i should do but i cant get her out of my mind. She feels emotionally drained aswell and we agreed to take space to focus on ourselves again.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
It did ease it a bit, but didnt bring my emotions back. I feel like im emotionally burnt out. Its not just her, its with everything and everyone, i feel like i cant give right now.
I will see psychiatrist for the first time in 15 days. and 2nd session with therapist in 2 days, still nothing.
Yesterday i opened her xmas present (i couldnt bring myself to do it earlier) and as i was going through half the gifts, i felt like my heart was gonna break and my chest will drop so i left it.
ConfusedParticipantMy longest was this 9 months one.
She was distant mostly because of my own disconnection (which happened 1 month before) and she is also kinda hard to trust in general, until she feels safe/familiar. I was doubting everything because my mind was playing all the time “u are a bad person, u are stringing her alone, u are hurting her” and so on.. Maybe its ocd.
Visit was fun (if u exclude my damn mind) and the last day was nice, we kissed a lot, it was full of chemistry.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
My timezone is GMT +2 🙂
Hey Alessa
We were fine, but she moved 200km away to work during the summer months (June-September) and around August she started pulling back a little, we started arguing and broke up by September. Wasnt toxic or anything, she probably realized she didnt want a relationship at that point (6 years later she has never been in a relationship ever since)Yes for some reason it feels very important to me, having a person to connect and share my life with.
ConfusedParticipantHaha yeah kinda like that, nice depiction.
I like the emojis!
Im off to sleep, talk tomorrow 🙂
ConfusedParticipantLet me make it more clear 🙂
It started on December 2024, it escalated during May 2025 and it was perfect all along (with 1 misunderstanding), i was so much in love, until November 10th when i think i got burnt out from giving so much energy (i suspect i have ADHD). The visit was december 8th, but i had already messed things up by telling her about my confused mind and she got avoidant.
ConfusedParticipantOk lets take that as a fact, but how can we be so good with each other for like 10 months, and suddenly i go completely empty within a night? That shouldnt be normal. I was very excited and curious to meet her and get together, its not like i married her in my mind, so it doesnt make sense.
Yes we were about to establish it. Then what gotten over me? Fear of closeness?Well u start somewhere, then things progress, but i didnt reject her after meeting her, it happened way before.. thats my point.
Oh yes she did that a lot, she complained to me about my father and my only reasonable answer was for them to break up..
Yes she hit me, i hit back/etc.
Hello
Relationships with other women were pretty toxic except one, my longest (which was 9 months but got bad in the last 1.5 months), all and all i was in 3 relationships, rest of them were 3-4 months and the girls were very aloof/toxic but that kept me hooked. Ive never gone beyond infatuation phase, to a stable love..
All of our online hours were perfect for, thats why i am so sad now. Looked like it was gonna be a nice relationship actually. She didnt act exactly the same because after what happened to me she got distant/avoidant triggered.
Yes, honesty is my #1 trait.
I know, but for some reason i still have hope inside..
ConfusedParticipantHey anita, let me answer
Yes so they say, but i cant feel consciously all those things..
My shutdown happened a month before i took the trip, it wasnt close to the actual trip, and we hadnt booked tickets anyway.
Indeed but why would that play a big role? There are other nevermets out there that worked well for them.
Yes she wasn’t comfortable and i felt rejected at first, but then she explained why she was so closed-off/guarded (her past experiences)I know we didnt have real-life honeymoon phase, maybe all the chemicals were never released..So you are suggesting that if we meet more, it could become better?
But i already wrote why i consider her a great girl some posts back, its not that i blindly say that because of how i was feeling (dopamine). I can see positives and negatives.
Did i ever feel that way with the girl, u mean? Yeah, almost every day my mind says “just break up and be done with it”. But it doesnt make sense because i think if i didnt actually want her, the thought of leaving her would be a relief for me and i would move on with my life, not being in shutdown/anhedonia over that. Also what is emotional incest?
Hmm, intense, rageful and unfair to me because she was acting too much over little things.
ConfusedParticipantYes i think so too.
But when i thought of ending it i felt really bad..I feel like i will blow my chances of building something with a great person because of my current state/crisis. How can i tell for sure?
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I dont think its gonna be possible, if we stay apart for that long, we might aswell end it.
I wanna try and have this routine and trying to heal my attachment with her besides me if that’s possible. Do u think my mother appearing in my dream had a play in me feeling like this when i woke up?
I meant it in the way it happened in the beginning, like my guts reject her, the avoidance feeling. I was thinking of ending things yesterday because she is not having a great time with me either, but none of us could do it..
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 