Hello anita

Well, it did but thoughts (probably some sort of rocd) kept doubting it by playing in my mind “but was it real? maybe u forced it” and stuff because i dont wanna hurt her feelings. That’s what im worried tho, if they come back too late, after i’ve lost her will be a huge regret for me (because i pushed her away by sharing many details about my thoughts which she wasnt ready to handle). I dont know how to make my system feel safe.

Yeah probably that was a hit for me, felt like she shot me down while i was putting myself out there.

I have read many stories in here and on other forums aswell and i really feel bad.I think i have the first piece of the puzzle here, or maybe its just my thoughts and i am indeed out of love? Its pretty hard to tell but that sudden shift doesnt feel normal to me, thats why i started searching. I hope she can be by my side while i heal and rekindle our connection because it did feel special and deep. Ive had it done to me by another avoidant and this is how i discovered attachment styles a couple years ago.. thats why i didnt want to run instantly and try to figure it out.

I am sorry that you too went through that, must have been very hard. How did u heal this? U just ride the waves and let it pass until u manage it easier every time? I would like some info about how u healed it and how did dissociation feel like for u? I wanna see if i have the same symptoms mostly.

I am trying to but i still obsess over them and ruminating like crazy.. Having the warmth in my memories but not being able to feel them is killing me because i did feel amazing with her. Logically i know that, but i am unwillingly pressuring myself to feel again so it further delays it.

Thank you for your replies i really appreciate it 🙂

Thank you both for your replies, i appreciate your time and effort truly. I will reply to each of you after reading what you said 🙂

@Alessa Yeah it happened in 2021 again but i didnt pay much attention because i didnt have someone i dont wanna lose like now.I think it could have been covid, shutdowns and stuff but i just let it pass.Even tho a girl came (again, a girl gave me meaning) that reignited the spark in me. I think that this was my normal state for many years tho, because even before the current girl, i was still not finding joy and purpose in anything, i was just going through the motions, no goals for my life. Until i started connecting with her and she became my main source of joy and happiness, which i know is not good. Im also a hopeless romantic and strive to experience everything intensely or i feel like something is off.
The visit went okay, it was our first time meeting, i stayed for 3 days and she knew what was happening inside my head, so she was also distant/disconnected.I also have extreme flight responses when changing places but i pushed through it. I liked her in person and my body responded very well to us kissing and cuddling (even tho my mind was constantly doubting everything). Took her a lot of time opening up and even touching me tho. The first 2 days she was keeping her distance which i respected (because she needs to develop a sense of trust and security before getting intimate, especially after i planted many doubts in her head). Maybe the realization of the LDR difficulties hit us harder than we imagined and we got scared.Yes exactly, i felt like i was the only one that has to consider moving if i wanted the relationship to work. Which she said isn’t true and ofc she would consider trying living in my country (up close) but it was kinda too late for that reply, if that was the case that made me shutdown. Sometimes i think that i truly don’t wanna live in another country and maybe my mind knows that (or my fear of moving elsewhere) and it’s trying to “protect” me by cutting her off.

Yesterday i had a conversation with her which i set everything on the table and told her that if she is willing to see where this leads, that texting for and indefinite amount of time isn’t cutting it anymore, no matter how much i like her and we have to make plans, meet frequently, sacrifice money, time and energy and its okay if she doesnt feel like committing to this, but id like to know if we are on the same page. I for once feel like i wanna go through the experience and letting go of control (which is very hard for both of us since we are control freaks) and see where this leads, without expectations. She said that its hard for her to do that, especially now that she has so much stress from other factors in her life so i told her to back off from our situation for now and focus on the other factors of her life that she needs to set in order and she thanked me for understanding her.

Hello again Anita
How does my body relate this relationship to the one with my mother? I can’t comprehend that, i saw no similarities there..

@thomas168
I definitely have the memories from our moments, also the memories of the feelings, it’s just that right now i can’t seem to be able to access those feelings and feel the warmth/joy/longing once again. I believe this girl is great and there is potential so i would like to rebuild it (even tho its much harder with long distance) but i wouldn’t give up like that. It’s just, i feel like there is something blocking me from being myself and i can’t figure it out.

@Alessa
Yeah the total apathy and depression really hit like a truck on that November morning, but it’s not like i hadn’t experienced it in the past (4 years ago). Back then i just went through the motions and it went away by itself, but now it feels worse. No, the only stress was taking the trip to meet this girl.

@anita
I have read about all those and it comes down to dissociation/numbness but i can’t really pinpoint what could have triggered it. Perhaps the uncertainty of the relationship that someone has to move somewhere (possibly me) and the fear of abandonment (I am disorganized attached) could have done the work? There were some suppressed negative emotions that i expressed to her but it didn’t change much, so i suppose that wasn’t the case.

Yes i agree with what youre saying.. My question tho is, was what happened to me because of that? Or is it a legitimate loss of feelings all of a sudden? Hasnt happened to me before.

Hello, reading this thread gave me relief since i’m suffering from the same thing for the first time in my life in the past 1.5 month.
Being madly in love with my LDR girl for 8 months –> sudden loss of feelings overnight for no apparent reason, dissociating, being numb to everything, depressed, not enjoying activities that i used to enjoy before, constant rumination for my feelings, feeling like a burden and like i am responsible for her feelings, rocd themes and the list goes on.
It kinda gave me hope that i might be able to work through those awful feelings and thoughts and maybe find love for her again, because she is very loving and deserves it, but now i feel like my emotional capacity is very low.I have started therapy with someone that specializes in ocd/depression/relationships but i cant feel any difference. Maybe its too soon.