Hey anita

I guess plenty of people are calling him every day since he is kinda well known here. I didnt feel that hopeless today so i didnt call him but idk if thats the right thing to do..

Well, it’s like whatever feelings a human has, i have none. No motivation to do anything, nothing feels good or rewarding. Everything seems pointless basically.

Sometimes i feel bad and a dysphoria (because she is so loving to me and i feel nothing) so that feels like a burden, then usually we laugh and i forget about it, sometimes we have some more “explicit/hot” convos and i like it.. Afterwards i usually feel better but the next day is rinse and repeat..

Hey roberta

The moment she said “we will talk” i felt a void inside my chest and a thought that was saying “she’s gonna leave you”, so that numbed me completely, i suspect that’s why the last bit of my motivation to communicate disappeared, because of fear of rejection acted like a shield. Turns out she was referring to the current day mostly, not indefinitely. But because the situation is weird and i am like that, she thought that i distanced myself for good.

I dont understand the connection of what you said to our conversation to be honest, no offense 🙂

Is the anhedonia growing more, or is leaving this situation the right choice to free me and fix me?

I will call him tomorrow and i hope he can do that. But i am still doubtful, i mean shouldn’t i be able to feel the desire for her even through this state? I worry that i am dragging her along to a fantasy of mine that maybe i will heal and want her again, but that feels impossible to me right now.

Yes that’s exactly what was happening in my house too.

I will call him tomorrow yes, i think he focused on the situation with the girl rather on my symptoms, but tbf i didn’t describe it all in detail. You think meds will help? Is this depression/anhedonia that masks all my feelings?

@anita

I think we confused the situations. I was referring to my mother, did u not? I was not talking about the girl.

No no, i would like to get my feelings back for her like crazy, i mean the changing myself and stuff.

We stopped contacting each other because she told me she was overwhelmed with family stuff and she had no energy to talk, so i told her to hit me up anytime she feels better or needs something if i can help and she said “yes honey we will talk”
But its been 5 days and radio silence..My mind tells me she is trying to leave slowly but that’s what it always does, catastrophizing.

I am wondering if what i have is nothing but depression/anhedonia and the stress of losing her makes it worse, and it doesn’t have to do with attachments and stuff, maybe its pure burnout/depression/anhedonia. Because i can barely get out of bed, no matter what i do i have no energy, i feel nothing, i can’t laugh with friends, i can’t care about anything.

@roberta
I am trying but nothing works, it feels as if im a spectator and im watching everything happening, i am envious of others that have life inside of them, i feel like a shell.

Hey anita

“Did your mother complain to you that he (the man in her life who happened to be your father) used her? Led her on? Passed his time until he got bored with her?”- No, just how their relationship wasn’t good and he wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t present enough/etc.

Yes, everything that you wrote on your last message resonate with my life in the past idk, 15+ years? But why did this come up now with her? I’ve had other girls express feelings towards me in the past. Also, i knew that she wants me long before that. Maybe i deactivated and THEN all those resonated? Maybe its the state i’m in now? Also, how can i change it if this is true? Can i reactivate my feelings?

[quote quote=454816]That you might hurt her? That you had to be careful not to hurt her?[/quote]
I didnt see that one, yes that i have to be careful now, that i hold something “fragile” in my hands.

No, i just thought of that because she expressed how she felt. Even though i already knew she’s into me months ago, but maybe this hit different. Or it was just the timing that i was coming off the new relationship energy?