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ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I mean the damage done to my mind (feelings), is that reversible i wonder?
I was never someone to ruminate a lot, just this time.
ConfusedParticipantHey guys
I think i am deep in ruminating for the past 4 months, thinking of how good things were, how i was feeling, all the positive emotions, comparing to the emptiness of the present and it has definitely been harmful..
Is it reversible or the damage done is permanent?ConfusedParticipantI hope it will, people say it needs 4-6 weeks to see results, i am on day 4 now 🙂
But what do we mean exactly when we say rumination? Thinking of the past?I think i feel empty/drained.
ConfusedParticipantI guess you are right, things come and go in waves..
He was referring to the rumination/compulsive thinking and stuff.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Oh damn, i guess after such a long usage it was expected 🙁 glad you went through it and you’re ok now!
I read about the dosage and the results, but sometimes i doubt if what i am going through now is even depression.. I havent cried in a week almost, sadness is completely gone, i can’t get sad with anything right now, i mostly feel empty and irritated maybe, i even doubt if i had OCD, even if i had been obsessively checking feelings/crying for the past 4 months.. Mine is Tepram 10mg which is the same i guess.
Doctor booked me an appointment in two weeks to see how im feeling, but he said he believes it’s not gonna cover my symptoms.ConfusedParticipantOh that’s quite the trip, i’ve never been to Crete, been in cyprus-athens tho 🙂
That must have been a heavy drug then. I am wondering how the SSRI is gonna work on me
ConfusedParticipantYeah i’m from Greece and i live here 🙂 , haha is it that short you think?
Almost every greek is proud of the heritage and stuff, sad thing is now this is the only thing we have to be proud of 🙁
Which place did u visit?
I guess doctors can be wrong many times yeah.. Was the withdrawl symptoms hard on the klonipin?
I can try practicing that but at the moment it feels off 🙁
even tho i have moments that i feel somethingConfusedParticipantHey anita, it’s 12:25 (night) here in Greece!
Oh so it’s gonna hopefully stop my ruminations and let me feel something finally!
Did u have a hard time quitting? How come u stayed for that long on them?
I think i’ve seen this post in here you’re talking about, the ocean, etc. I guess that’s one way of looking at things, but i think i gotta be open to love first, and right now i am not feeling it sadly 🙁
So u basically mean that we CHOOSE to love and act on it, rather than wait on the feelings that come and go?
ConfusedParticipantYeah, he said i shouldn’t stop this one, and i will try not to this time. Just curious though, what will be the differences in my feelings with this?
So it will stop ruminations and feeling-searching? How long were u on it and did u have good experiences? 🙂
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
It could be what you’re describing with the repeating pattern, my mind is a rollercoaster…
It went like this: November 12th->stomach pain/aversion, compulsive searching for feelings (or infatuation??), crying every day in the fear of losing her. December 8th->meeting, weird but nice, hugs/kissing felt amazing, one of the best i’ve ever had. Mind still anxious/mess though. January-> still fear of losing her/crying, tight stomach in the thought of her with someone else. February-> Kinda numb, still crying in the thought of losing her for good, but feelings can’t be accessed for long. March-> Mostly numb, cried only in the talk of ending things (5 days ago), and a little bit today but for seconds. Even though i got “jealous/annoyed” when she told me she would wanna start latin dances (which might include male partners) which she understood and told me she will look for something solo.
Is that really making sense? Cause i can’t fathom those mechanisms 🙁
Today i went to the psychiatrist, he told me that i shouldn’t have stopped the meds in the first week, if i had given them at least a month or two my feelings would begin to thaw out, but its okay and if i get the intense thoughts again that affect me i should start taking them again. He asked me if i’d like to try some SSRIs to see if it helps me, but he noticed that he sees no sadness on my face, just emptiness/coldness so that’s why he didn’t opt for anti-depressants at first. I told him that i have been crying a lot in the past months so could be depression. He prescribed me 10 mg of escitalopram and i started today. He told me it would take up to 4-6 weeks until i see results, but he still believes that olanzepine would help me more in the long run, but we’ll see 🙂
ConfusedParticipantHey thomas
I think u have a point there, what i felt as “loss of feelings” (in the beginning) was probably my own mistake of confusing the lack of mood in general with my feelings for her. But i overanalyzed in the next 4 months so i might have buried them even deeper. When i first felt this, i felt the lack of motivation to book a flight and go meet her (which could be anxiety because the meeting was becoming a reality). Afterwards i didn’t tell her that “maybe my mood is low and i can’t give u much communication in the following days” because i was afraid of losing her, so i pushed myself to keep communicating, until i woke up feeling my stomach hurting when reading her texts, which i again translated as a loss of feelings. But i would keep crying for the next 4 months in the fear of losing her forever.
Strange things is, when i woke up like this, i would describe the sensation as “my romantic feelings are locked in a box and i can’t reach them, but logically i know i want you”. I also felt like i was behind a glass sometimes when i met her and spent time with her. But when we hugged/kissed i was hooked, felt calm/electric at the same time and i couldn’t have enough..so idk everything is so strange 🙂
If i did isolate myself from the feelings how do i reconnect again? 4 days ago we talked about ending it and i cried, felt like it’s a mistake, but now i feel nothing.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I dont know about this term you wrote, gonna look into it!
I wouldnt be afraid of my lack of emotions if it wasn’t the fear or losing her in the past 4 months 🙁
Haha my sense of humour would be even better but i am struggling now 🙂
Well look, i do think she’s a great girl but i have no feelings (or at least constant-infatuation??) so it feels irrelevant to me now. I mean all the qualities that i find great on her, i can’t feel them, it’s like i dont want a relationship right now, i am unavailable 🙁
But i’ve never had any problems with closeness and expressing affection before, i welcome them and feel nice when they occur.
i wonder how does our childhood affect us in relationships..Yes this one is LD and we’ve been talking since december 2024, i started catching feelings the more i was getting to know her around April. Hmm, i think we were together all the time except for when i went to my airbnb for sleep/shower, so pretty much 40~ hours?
No, this is the first one i am trying LD, the rest were short flings for 2 months and my “longest” relationship was 5 months, which were all ended by the other side, so pretty much this is my first “relationship” that lasts that long, even tho LD.ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Thank you for your kind words 🙂
even tho right now i feel emotionless i try to do good and not do things that i’ll regret later.People say that but i’ve never experienced slow-steady love, most of my relationships were chaotic/drama and the longest one was 5 months so i wouldn’t call me experienced in that department.
I know but i feel so emotionally detached from myself now. Also it’s still weird to me how i went from perceiving her as a great girl to be with to wanting to run far away basically overnight.
I hope i am making sense now haha
ConfusedParticipantIm glad i made two women feel nice today then 🙂
U are right but since i’m a 0-100 person its hard for me to adapt, but i will try to keep at it! I like your correlation with the weather. Funny thing is, if anyone would tell me that this would happen back in October i would laugh.
But shouldn’t there be something more stable? Or is that only for the stable people? 🙂
I need to stop checking feelings first thing in the morning, i also need to start doing my hobbies even tho i dont feel like it at all.
Yeah she’s a great girl, if i had a button to be crazy in love with her i would press it, i wish it worked like that! You are right and this is how i felt when it all started, like i “owe” her to be my previous version or i would fail her.
I can’t feel it yet but i hope i will get there 🙂
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
You are welcome 🙂
The thing is i’ve become like so that i keep checking the feelings and try to hold them and then question if they were real or “enough”, compared to the previous period (before november, the birth of Confused)
I think that it will be like that for a while too yeah, i guess the expectations ruin my moments, and the comparison with the past 🙁
I am trying but after i posted the previous message, she told me she likes me just how i am and i felt a little bit of aversion again, but then i was okay. I think my problem is rumination, expectations, comparison and “responsibility” feelings.
I wanna do just that but how can u do that if u dont feel the “pull” to communicate with your partner every day? If i atleast had that 🙁
You are right though, i should just accept me for who i am at the moment and stop the guilt tripping.
You saying that kinda makes me feel better because it’s hard when the mind is full of doubts constantly 🙂
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