Oh so all it took was someone to listen to you.. Idk if that would be the same for me

Hmm, that i dont “belong” with her or in the family, something like that, but it was confusing and disappointing too.

I think i tried sometimes to express love towards her when i was a kid (6-10) but she would rarely reciprocate and sometimes she would get suspicious of me that i did something wrong or wanted to ask for favors. She also apologized/hugged me sometimes after hitting me.

No no i mean your feelings in general (i thought u didnt have feelings for anyone mostly)

“Oh, that emotional attachment felt like starving for oxygen, and she- my mother- was the oxygen. Separation from her was unthinkable, like a certain death.”
maybe this is how im feeling/felt for this girl too.

No no it’s fine for me to read. So with cbt-mindfulness u achieved the unlocking of your feelings? Interesting

Hey anita, i was at work, just saw your posts!

Yeah, i stopped “feeling” mostly at 13, when i started playing online video games, i got sucked into that world. (mmorpg mostly)

But how can it happen in a day? What can trigger it? Because i woke up one day (12 november) and i read her texts, my stomach was repulsed and i felt like “i dont have anything to say to her, what am i doing”, like our whole year and bond vanished 🙁

Did you do that through therapy? U were suppressing love? (dont answer if u dont feel like it)

I hope it goes away for me too, but some days i feel like giving up on those efforts..

It’s a very strange feeling because we shared a year of our everyday lives (even if it was online) and it hurts!

How can i know if it’s F for me? (even though i had the dreams/flashbacks)

I am fine with it, i make peace with death pretty quickly. She died of cancer (well, the chemos wore her down). I took it well because i was with her most of the days and i saw where this was going, so i “prepared” myself better than the rest of the family, i was the one that found her not breathing. Well, i don’t feel like i had a strong bond with her, i was pretty much disconnected from my parents since the age of 13 i think. I still cried and mourned, at my own pace though.

Hello anita

I think it could very well be the A and D and maybe F? Idk about the last one though..

I take some Omega 3 supplements almost daily but i see no difference 🙁

Hey anita

Yeah i don’t like how numb it makes me so i stopped taking it..should i tell the doctor? idk

Same goes for you, anita, you seem like a really nice person, always willing to help.. I am looking forward to that too, thank you 🙂

Oh is it possible that you report your own posts by accident on your phone? Maybe that’s the case..

Today we texted with the girl and she said she is getting disappointed by this situation between us and perhaps it would be best if we end it because it affects her aswell. I told her i completely understand but i can’t let her go, can’t give her the “before” (pre-confusion) part either. She said she will think about things and we’ll talk again. Today i feel a deep void in my chest-throat and the thought of her makes me cry so much. What is happening with me? The thought of me letting her go feels very bad like i’m gonna lose “my person” but i can’t give her what she deserves either, it’s very difficult 🙁

Yeah i started online with 2 different people.
No i am still seeing her because i feel she might know some things, but the doctor said otherwise so idk really, im more confused now haha
I will stop the meds though, it numbs me even more and i dont have the psychotic thoughts anymore.

I have no routine, wake up, do some things in the house maybe, meet with friends, work, home again.