I dint ask from them nor they sent me apart from one time in corona situation,when my brother in law sent me money and I asked the reason of sending ..

and she dint have any reason .even at that time I dint ask him

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Peace.

Dear Teak and Anita,

i am feeling anxious and restless ..i want to just share here .i have no idea if i m making the right decision.

i talked to my family and told them i want to marry  bcz i found the one ,as they were keep delaying in the name of investigation… this news went to my eldest sis and she contacted me and accusing me of blackmailing ,disturbing and torturing my family member .its about 2 days before .and she was so angry at me that she was saying i m a child ,emotional,i dont know about people etc..i dint take things so seriously ..she said i dont care for my family (all emotional stuff etc and that how much they sacrificed for me and that i dont care about them)

after some minutes she texted my husband on facebook (btw they dint know each other and nor they were friends in FB) she asked him to for sake of god ,he shouldnt be forcing me for marriage bcz i m torturing and blackmailing them and she put me down on those messages  by saying i m very inconsistant (may be because i refused to a guy which they wanted me too) that how much she regrets to send me abroad for studies and sacrificing alot  and how immature childish i m..and that she is so fed up of my childish behaviour and all ,how i made them emotional that i will study medicine  and i couldnt become one atleast i could do physiotherapy but dint do that too ..how she thinks i never achieved anything here .i got all luxury from her ..my husband texted back that” she should be proud that i made it alone till here” ..she said why should she be proud of me as all i didnt even become physiotherapist if not doctor etc

she kept writing but there was nt single positive word from her…i couldnt stop my tears i couldnt sleep all night bcz these words  were so hurtful .i kept weeping all night …and than in the morning i wrote  her huge text that how ur words made me feel ,how much i was hurted to know ,how she thinks ,feel and represent me infront of anyone …

btw its very easy to become a physiotherapist  here .that was no big deal but i dint want to be …

now i talk to my sis she said i should complete my degree than i should talk to her because she is afraid of her husband critism ..his husband is very toxic person and unfortunetly my sis is becoming one too ..and that she is afraid that ppl ll laugh at her that she sent her sis for studies and she got married there .

PS:

i dint want to talk to my family and invite this drama but my husband’s mom wanted to talk to my family and so my husband wants to fullfill his mom wish of celebrating our marriage …

and i talked to family and now so much disturbed..

i am thinking to talk to my husband to wait 1_1.5 years till i complete my studies and talk to them again …

because they really spent money on me …i dont know …i should pay them back and do wait..

i feel like i dragged my husband into this all mess..and i feel sorry for him…

looking some understanding .

i have talked ,fought but no one is supporting me at home  and i m feeling drained out of sudden …

Dear Teak,

he wanted to send proposal  when i was unavailiable .when i was already tired of waiting for him and any commitment from his side and at that time i was dating someone else .. i asked him to wait sometime before i make a decision so that i sort out things (without mentioning about my dating).

he was interested untill i was unavalible and than same pattern again.

thats true i felt too that he was  confused ..

Dear Teak,

Thank you so much .

“Does your family know about it? I am asking because it seems this male friend of yours is flirting with you again (after some months he started showing interest again (current)), “

ya I told my sis that he is flirting with me again and that how he turned out to be a very different person in the past (out of sudden) most probably because he found someone..

and my sis started to take his side ,she want to take anyone‘s side but not my husband simply because my society is full of racism… and my husband doesn’t match my family parameters..w

„Have I understood it right – that he is flirting with you again, in hope of marriage? Or he is not flirting, but showing interest in being friends again, after months of ignoring you and not talking to you? And you don’t trust him (rightfully) because he might not be honest with you but has ulterior motives, such as borrowing money from you?“

i think ya .. he is flirting with me again ,in hope for marriage .

i dont trust him because he was very interested before 2 years.we were best friends,he would flirt , talked nd teased me  but he never asked for something official or even marriage so I guessed he must not be interested in me romantically, at that time as I went for a relationship than he told me „ how much he likes me „ and want to marry and he is waiting for me and that I should let him know when it doesn’t work out ..

Unfortunately The relationship dint work out. Than again this flirting went on ,teasing,talking all but nothing serious..

untill After months I got confused and someone asked me out in Germany..he was looking decent and of same culture.. i Started seeing him ,because I was tired of  waiting for something serious from that“ best friend“ ..

As I was a bit busy with my full time job and my new guy .I was not interested in flirting with my

so again he told me how serious he is …

I will continue this..

…….Continue…..

Dear Anita and Teak ,

i hope you both doing fine .. how is the situation of corona and it’s new variant there . sometimes it feels like it’s always gonna stay with us and each time with new variant..

returning to the question which I asked in my last post

“why is it so that sometimes we know that we took the right decision but suddenly we start to doubt ourselves and our Decisions ??”

actually it was a decision about a good friendship of mine ( my sisters were convincing me again nf again for him who I can’t trust or don’t wanna may be ,they tried to talk about him so much that I started to doubt the experience which I got from him ) who was showing all his interest in me and flirting ,being close to me  after I helped him financially in corona situation and with his fees (am I fool that I wanna help people financially?? Should it be like that ?? ).he is my brother in law’s brother .he was like a best friend to me and purposed me and I asked for some time to think about it(as I was already messed up in another relationship which he dint know about) ..as I sorted things out and approached he acted like stranger ,totally ignoring me even wasn’t talking to me like a friend..I-was so complete it shock and  felt betrayal .

i had this feeling that “ ok if he is not interested or currently dating that’s fine but at least he could be a friend to me “ because we were only friends for long time and nothing more and how come out of sudden he start ignoring his friends bcz he is dating someone..

after some months he started showing interest again( current )

so I was thinking what if I judged him wrongly.I started questioning my decision..
I will write more about my bf  ( husband) after work ..we did Islamic marriage here and waiting for our documents .
you are right Teak .I read your post it touched me a lot about soothing my inner child .

i will write more after my shift .

stay healthy❤️

peace

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by Peace.

Dear Anita,

why is it so that sometimes we know that we took the right decision but suddenly we start to doubt ourselves and our Decisions ??

I do feel It often.

Peace

DearAnita,

I hope that this sister has nothing negative to say about you or about your soon-to-be husband, and that she shows him the respect he deserves.

i hope so..actually i dint tell her about my bf yet as far as i know my other sister ( may be ) hasnt told her yet ..

i still dint think about telling her as she is kind of  very cultural kind a person and i m not sure ,how would she react ..

at this stage of my life ..i want no drama in my life and no emotional manipulation from anyone..i want to have a peace of mind and dont want tp be mentally disturb …bcz i have alot of things to focus on my study, job and my mental health ..

i have this feeling that i m improving my mental health ..i m feeling myself (the happy me:) )

Peace