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samy

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  • February 19, 2022 at 6:56 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #393191
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Asked in other words, didn’t you already choose to enjoy? Why did you fail (to enjoy)? – I don’t know if I ever really have chosen to enjoy. I have been waiting for the pain or suffering to go away. And choosing to survive. What if I make a choice to enjoy. Have a dance party by myself today, that type of a thing. Consciously do fun things despite the constant stream of angst life throws at us.

    Girija

    February 19, 2022 at 9:38 am in reply to: I want to be normal #393106
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I wish you would be optimistic. But you obviously know what’s best for you, so I won’t insist on it. I will practice focussing on what I can control.

    I don’t see why we can’t choose to enjoy vs suffering less. I think the mindset of choosing less suffering is what is depressing to me. I am not going to say it will be for you. I might as well enjoy. Not get depressed that there is no forever. It will continue to make me sad, but I won’t dwell on it. Maybe instead of animals, babies? They are happy by default. Animals to me are very somber.

    Girija

    February 19, 2022 at 8:51 am in reply to: I want to be normal #393104
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    What scares you is the THOUGHT that she will be devastated if the result is bad. When you are not thinking about it, you are not scared of this particular fear. So, what scares you is a THOUGHT. – yes the thought or the possibility scares me. But I need to accept that I can’t control it.

    Once in a while, reintroduce to yourself the thought that better you accept the things you cannot change with as much serenity as possible for you at any moment. when I accept something, how do I not let it turn into depression. I don’t if it makes sense but even in my previous post, while it sounds good to say make the best of each day, it is also depressing to accept that we are helpless or have no control. I don’t know how to articulate it but essentially I understand in theory I could say since we are here for a limited time, might as well enjoy. But the actual feelings are depressing. It is so sad that we can’t live forever, happily.

    Girija

     

    February 19, 2022 at 8:23 am in reply to: I want to be normal #393101
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I recognize the inevitability of death. Especially during the pandemic. We are lucky to be alive, and we don’t know there’s a tomorrow. So being grateful and making the best out of each day is the way to go. I guess the fear is of suffering. Wanting peace and joy for when we are here. Thank you for those words. It really helps to put things in perspective. I think I’m jealous of people that have it easy in some of these areas, but again recognize that I’ll never know how much another person is suffering and also that other people have it worse than I do.

    Worrying is of no use. It will not bring me solutions. I think it is fear that something will be too much for me, in this case it is, and wanting to not go through it again. Not wanting my mom to be down. I don’t want to see her devastated again.

    I must work on being kind in action and words. I get carried away in anxiety that I forget the big picture. In fact, if I think about the big picture, none of things I worry about – finding love, and what not, wouldn’t really matter. We just have to make the best of what we get.

    Girija

    February 19, 2022 at 5:49 am in reply to: I want to be normal #393098
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I will be calm. We got a slot for tomorrow. I’ll be taking her.

    I’d like to know. How to not be afraid of this. Comes every 6 months ( there are 2 different tests per year) and each time it takes away my peace due to the fear of a bad result. Is there an ideal way to go about this? You have a lot of wisdom in terms the best way someone can live for themselves and how to go about it. Do you know of a way where this won’t bother me? The reason I ask is the emotional turmoil every 6 months stagnates and depresses me. I feel like a slave to these tests. And I know my mom will be tensed too which she doesn’t express, but I can’t help her when she doesn’t express it. I atleast want to be in a better place.

    Girija

    February 18, 2022 at 8:38 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #393090
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I will let you know, it will be done towards the end of this week.

    Girija

    February 18, 2022 at 7:47 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #393088
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    My mom’s scan is coming up that she does once every year, and that has disrupted my flow. I don’t want to feel down when health is at stake. I want to not be anxious or scared even during such times as our family is overrun with illnesses. I don’t know how to do that. Otherwise, everything else, I don’t care about and it’s good.

    Girija

     

    February 18, 2022 at 7:44 am in reply to: FEELING WORTHLESS #392990
    samy
    Participant

    You are not worthless, bhai. You got a government job without reservation and ranked 400 in GATE. You’ll easily get paid to become a training coach anywhere in India. Also, you have amazing morals. You are more worthy than the corrupt seniors who tried to abuse their power when you were in need. I am proud of you. I believe good people will always prosper. Good luck, with GATE. Even if you find it tough and it doesn’t work out, you have options. You have work experience till last year that you can show on your resume. MBA bhi try kar sakhte ho. CAT mushkil hai lekin private university se bhi hojayega. Kuch saal kam karlena uske baad higher studies. Iss desh ka kuch badlega nahi, aap apna dekhlo. Mere prayers hain aapke saath. Society se darna mat. Society will never stand with you during your trials, so don’t care about their judgement.

    February 17, 2022 at 8:06 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392982
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Hope you have a good night’s rest too!

    Girija

    February 17, 2022 at 9:09 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392937
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I think deciding that I need to change and atleast seek out to LIVE my life has made me smiley atleast on this forum. And I have a tendency to find my own jokes hilarious 🙂

    I have to set up rules for myself to not overwork. I was doing fine during the day but couldn’t resist at night. Tomorrow, the shamelessness shall last till night!

    Girija

    February 17, 2022 at 6:54 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392907
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Of course, with loads of patience is the tagline of the movie 🙂

    Good morning!

    Girija

    February 16, 2022 at 7:51 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392888
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I will let you know how it goes 🙂 Fun and shameless will be the name of the movie 🙂 Good night!

    Girija

    February 16, 2022 at 7:41 pm in reply to: Regretting a missed career opportunity abroad #392884
    samy
    Participant

    Hi Dandan

    I’m from Bangalore too :). I think you should delete all your social media. And the urge you have to leave the country is actually strong. You are scared of what it might turn into abroad, but remember you can always come back. Even 2-3 years away will be a great experience for you. You seem to already have skills to crack interviews.

    You are not ready for relationships. I think your life has been too serious, so serious relationships feel heavy. You probably have a fear of missing out and that is why you keep stalking your ex. But in your first post you actually wanted to live by choice with freedom. Why don’t you decide you will go for a year only first and do it. The problem with discussing with everyone is most people benefit from you staying here. You going away reaps no benefits for your friends. We were all new at some place at some time. In fact, since you said you are sensitive, some space from all the present drama would do you great.

    Focus on yourself. I am scared of being single too. But I feel like you need to be ready to be in a relationship and not just afraid of being too old. I have the exact same fears.  You are so down now, I don’t think a relationship will bring you up. You need a fresh environment. It may sound silly but I am planning on moving to Hyderabad for this reason. It may not seem like a real move to you but for me it is a big deal :). I think you should do it. I know you said “35, then 40 and then I’ll die”. That won’t change anyways. Why tie yourself down already when you are ready to explore the world. Fear is normal. Even I have insane fears about moving to Hyderabad and I am Telugu :). But we can do it. And you are not too old if you are ready to look outside arranged marriage. For men even 35 is ok.

    February 16, 2022 at 9:54 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392830
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    being treated with love energizes and expands a person; being treated without love depletes and shrinks a person. – yes!

    often when people insult us by calling us shameless, it is because they believe that fear should control us, either because they themselves want to control us, or because they believe that if we are afraid, we’ll be better protected. this has been the backbone of my culture itself. We’re so afraid of being shunned by society and that others know best, as though anyone could truly prescribe a set of actions that guarantees your happiness. A big reason for me hesitating to find love on my own has been the fear that maybe the elders are right. When I know they are miserable themselves.

    A dog that barks from time to time and shows its teeth to let you know it can bite at any time if you cross it is better protected. I’ll channel that.

    So shamelessness it is. Tomorrow marks the first day of shameless Girija. I’ll be blatantly shameless. Will report back on how it goes. No extra effort. No double checking. No thinking for others. No worrying if I am doing everything I am expected to do. I will do as I am told. Bare minimum Girija.

    Sounds silly but fun 🙂

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    February 16, 2022 at 8:42 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392827
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    My thanking you was for just that moment when you expressed bravery, as it did make me feel good! – I am glad it made you feel good 🙂

    health is (as the song says) to love and be loved in return. – this is so true. It’s very evident in kids when they are treated well. Their energy is just different. I’d imagine it’s the same for us.

    I do need to be brave against my fear. I think I need to become shameless. It is used as an insult. But, that would be the temporary substitute when I lack actual bravery to rationalize and justify  putting myself first.

    Notice this: your fear survived all the work that you put in for the company. This is so incredibly profound. Thank you for this. Fear cannot be placated. It just gets its way and fades into the background but will always come forth. Like it wants to ensure it still controls my mind. I will have to employ all the tools and practices we’ve discussed here – breathing, stretching, asking questions.

    You were depleted by all the work you did… but your fear was not depleted. No reason to think that more extra work will take that fear away! I think I need to become shameless first, and that will help me become fearless. There are people in my extended family that are so unafraid of consequences. I will let go of consequences for once. Or rather trying to predict what they would be and fearing them.

    Girija

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