I think he is hurt, that’s why he isn’t responding. He really thought we were going to work through this. I did too until…

As far as the new bf, I know there is the initial “falling phase” that fizzles, but he is handsome, funny, exciting and unconventional, which I need. He keeps me on my toes. The only side that worries me is that he’s not financially stable as he is younger than me. I have expressed this to him. Also, my sister made a comment too; that I told her about him, which I usually don’t do.

I am taking things slow with him as a foundation is very important. We have a lot in common and have a blast together. We are doing a long distance and he may move near by. I don’t think it will fizzle. I was honest with him too and told him about my ex and how I chose to see “us” through.

Inky,

I wake up sometimes doubting myself and my choice. Did i throw something great away? I feel like the person who threw it away rather than fix it, that’s what do many failed couples do today.  I just hope i chose correctly.  I was eith the old guy for 4 years.  I’m 35, just don’t want to waste time.

Hi Anita,

You asked:
What do you mean by stating you are “so wishy washy”? My love for him changes. One day I’m in love the next I’m not. Therefore I think love is a choice, along with an emotion.

With him or in previous relationships as well? I was like this in other relationships too.

Professionally? As far as my career I had no definitive path. I kind of fell into my position nd often question if this is what I was meant to do. Similar to relationships.

With friends?
I have friends but keep them at a distant. We meet up, catch up and that’s as far as it goes. I don;t feel as if we truly know each other as we aren’t around each other constantly. I fear that if we are, my fiends will get to know me and see how boring I am.

I’ve been in long relationships before. 3-5 years at a time. I ask my current bf if he’s bored with me? He thinks I’m projecting what I feel onto him. Maybe I am. The routine is boring, not so much him. Work, dinner, bed, the grind. I have the summers off and I’m a completely different person then, but unfortunately he’s gone during the summer at work so he never gets to see that side. SO really we see each other half a year. Do I need that distance to feel the love for him? Is that wrong?

As far as passion my last relationship was steamy and sensual although no so healthy. The sparks are lacking in this one. The raw connection and lust…. I’m not drawn to pounce on him which I feel like I should want.

All of this that I’ve spoke of has been brought to his attention. He truly loves me and wants to make it work. I just don’t know if I’m feeling the same way or need him to leave again for the love to reignite. Hopefully this helps.

Haha Anita, you put it so simply. I’m not quitting my job and either is he. So it is what it is. It’s easy when I’m busy, but I have a lot of down time now so it gets hard. I’ve put on my “big girls pants” for a while but they have seemed to fallen off. 🙁 The hardest part of being with him is this, when we’re together it’s easy. I’m just thinking ahead too if I end up with him, I’ll be like a military wife, a single mom for half the year. I’m going to stick it out and see what happens. I hope it’s worth it.

UPDATE:

First off Happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful for all of you the post your advice. 🙂 Thank you for dedicating your time.

As stated above I have been in a relationship for a year now. He is wonderful, treats me right and really loves me. The problem is, I don’t think I love him back. I still fantasize about my ex. Although that past relationship was toxic the sex was mind blowing but it was only that. In my current relationship the communication and relationship is wonderful (we’re best friends), but the intimacy sucks in my eyes. I wish I could combine the sex from the past with the normalcy of the present relationship.

I often feel like I’m going to end this current relationship and regret it because he is such a stellar guy, minus he’s not established in the work force yet. I can’t help that I feel an intense gravitational pull to my ex. I recently have been talking to him. I know this is bad. The heart wants what the heart wants but my mind tells me otherwise.

I feel like I am unfair to my current man, talking to my ex behind his back. I also told him I didn’t love him and he still wants to be with me. I feel physically unattracted to him and just annoyed with him, like nothing pleases me. Is it my problem? I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to make the mistake of missing out on a great guy. I’ve been EXTREMELY honest with him and my feeling about this, but we continue to see each other. So I continue n this ship or get off? HELP

Thanks Matt for being straight with me.

I also forgot to mention my roommates are coming home tonight and that’s another reason why I called it off. I feel like I have to keep him a secret and that I am embarrassed to have him over. That’s not a good sign.

Thank you mike. You brought up a lot of great points. I appreciate the outlook.