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Hi Niki,
Here is a very useful link for you to go through for audios by Brahmakumari sister Shivani (an excellent person)-
The audios are FREE.
(http://omshantimusic.net/lectures-by-b-k-shivani)You can check out for yourself for various topics on the homepage, but some of the topics that I think can be useful for you are-
SELF MANAGEMENT
LIFE SKILLS
DEPRESSION
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
HAPPINESS INDEXTake care,
VJDear Niki,
To let you know, I am from India too and I can understand your situation.
What has happened with you is really unfortunate and I am totally with you.“I just feel it was my mistake that I spoke up about my job and work”
This was bound to happen some time or the other, so it is not at all your mistake about speaking up.
You are a complete human being and you too have your work preferences, desires, wishes, career aspirations.
I am a male and I will tell you that you did the right thing. I will tell the same to my wife, daughter or sister.“I should have just accepted their demands and married him.”
Absolutely not. Why should you be doing that? You should not be losing your individuality for something like this.
It is said that – “Never marry the person you love, marry the person who loves you”.
So if a person didn’t love and accept you at the right time, then is there a point in getting married to such a person?“Atleast I’d ‘ve been together with him”
This is not called togetherness. In order for a bullock cart to be pulled properly, both the bullocks need to be in the same direction. If he doesn’t love you and it is simply you who do so then how is that going to pull the cart of your married life together?“I will never get someone like him who understands me, loves me so passionately, intensely that I forget I’m in this world.”
Is this really true? Is he the only person in the entire universe who is (supposedly) so understanding and loving.“I doubt if Love is ever meant for me.. Maybe I’ll just be alone forever, no one will love me.”
Can one relationship that did not work out as expected be the reason for you to not find love again. Not at all true.“he is my one true love..I cannot imagine loving or marrying someone else”
Do you really think he is still your true love after what has happened?
Yes the time in the past between both of you may bring up certain attached emotions, but consider yourself lucky that this incident has now opened your eyes and you came to know about this before the marriage.
Just imagine how disturbed your life would have been if this behaviour from him would have come out after marriage, or even worse after bearing a child.Allow it to take some time to get over this.
Cry out on what has happened. Simply cry out. Cry very hard till you accept. Then move on.
Believe me you DO have a life waiting for you. Start getting back on track of your life. Start focusing on your job, get out, start doing things that you enjoy, love yourself and your immediate family more and more.
Gradually things will start getting to be in place and soon you will realize that this was just a learning and a passing phase of your life.Take care,
VJHi Daniel,
Do this everyday till the day you have your company gathering (of course you can mentally do it during the gathering too).
Start doing it mentally (or loudly in a locked room) at your home towards your boss or anybody else who you may think you are uncomfortable with.(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt4LxxBSu5Y)
Do it a couple of times and see how you feel.
Best Wishes,
VJDear jacklyn25,
Even I had to change multiple jobs due to unforeseen circumstances either in personal or in professional life.
Although I have changed jobs to get rid of my unfavourable situation at that time, I had to face its results too – like companies asking during interviews “Why did you leave X company so soon?” etc. It didn’t look good on my Resume. But I learned to give some sort of tricky and diplomatic answers during the interviews and somehow got through them in various companies.Co-workers not good, office premises very filthy, workplace is far from home, work environment and culture is not good, not enough ventilation-making you feel sick, boss not at all co-operative, you cannot get your own lunch and there is no food near your workplace, etc.
What I have found is that all such things are bound to happen – either right now in my current organisation OR later in the same organisation OR when moved to any other organization.
If you really feel terrible and hopeless about going to work each day then you could look elsewhere but there is no guarantee that there are not going to be the occurrence of the above mentioned issues, although it may seem good in the beginning. Somewhere there has to come a time when you do something such that irrespective of the external situations of life you remain undisturbed or the external circumstance may just touch the surface of your being and go away.
Have you heard of or do you understand the concepts like – rising above your situation, acceptance, intense presence, surrender, mindfulness?
If yes, then well and good and continue to follow and practice them.
If not, I suggest you start exploring about them and begin practicing them in your daily life (which will not only help you in your job situation but in any aspect of your life).Check out the below video from Eckhart Tolle who is one of the greatest spiritual masters of our times who’s main teachings are in the above concepts that I mentioned.
The video is about a question on a boring job but is ultimately about a job that is not likable.How Can I Find Work That Will Give Me Joy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFGAvPud80AGood Luck and best wishes!
VJHi Isra,
It doesn’t appear to be anything other than restlessness you are facing and it can be calmed down by doing some relaxing techniques.
Along side with what lovetomotivate has suggested I also want you to take a look at several relaxation and meditation techniques posted here, by the people and for the people, and pick the ones that you feel comfortable with.(http://tinybuddha.com/topic/relaxation-meditation-techniques/)
Hi lovetomotivate, if you prefer you could also share your above tips and techniques at the same link beneficial to someone or the other on one single page.
Warm regards,
VJDear Russ,
Good that you are in touch with mindfullness and following articles on Eckhart Tolle.
“Sometimes, hard to understand…but definitely useful when you speak to others about their impression of him.”
Yes this is true. A surgeon can open someone’s head and show a brain, but not the mind. But it is still there.Regarding your curiousity on the question you have –
“I am currently alone…this is not good for my health”
If you have been closely following Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, he says (also mentioned above) –“Whatever the present moment contains, (no friends)
accept it as if you had chosen it. (OK, I don’t have friends. How would it feel if I deliberately or intentionally chose not to have friends [for some reason])
Always work with it, and not against it (working “with it” will mean not resisting your situation, even though it is a painful situation. It means to align yourself to whatever is happening)
This will miraculously transform your whole life”Eckhart Tolle’s teachings say that you need to use Surrender if you are not able to be in the “here and now” present moment.
If the mind is still saying that “this is not good for my health” then it is not true surrender. There is still inner
resistance. I will suggest the below video on Acceptance & Surrender, if you haven’t yet gone through it, with some beautiful music.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az8c1pyVRkc)ET’s teachings further say that if you are not able to a accept the present moment, then use your situation to go much deeper
into the Now. Accept the fact that you are not able to accept that you do not have friends.
Then going even much deeper, ET says that the “Now” is NOT the content of the present moment. It is the field in which the
content happens. (Here content means the external life situation).Keep staring at a plastic bottle of water kept on a table. Keep staring – keep staring closely – and suddenly see the space in which the bottle is standing on that table. There has to be some space which the bottle has occupied. That is the field (space) in which every moment happens. That is also the same space within you. In fact you are that presence. And if you go into intense presence to access that space (by using techniques like mindfullness) then you will touch that presence, you will become the spacious awareness behind your life situation and that is when (internal) life becomes peaceful, cordial, friendly, harmonious and loving irrespective of the (external) circumstances. That is when the unmanifested becomes manifested. And that is when you will start to come across friends and a desired soulmate in your life.
I know you had questions about space in your earlier posts.
That space can only be pointed by me, but only felt by you.Since we are all human beings constantly with work-in-progress, if you find it difficult to grasp this concept I will suggest
you another approach too, although I recommend you to keep practicing intense presence and mindfullness.“I define a friend as someone you can call and hang out with…laugh with…spend time with them and forget the day to day grind.
Having a friend gives me happiness, and gets rid of the silence in my apartment”
“I am constantly fighting the voice that tells me the negative impact that the lack of friends can have on your mental,
emotional, and physical health.”Make a new practice of fighting this inner voice with another voice.
Ask yourself is it really 100% true that having friends can give me such happiness?
What if these same friends move away to a different location and cannot even call due to they getting busy in their own
lives? What if these same friends can become a reason for some kind of differences between you and them? What if these
friends who are now (for a short while) enjoying with me and later on may want to have their own time and space and do not want you to interfere in their lives?
All these things are bound to happen one day because of the impermanence nature of all things.
When any of such things happen am I going to go back to TinyBuddha and write on not having friends? How many times am I going
to do that?
If having these people in my lives can influence my state of mind (by giving me happiness) then it means that my state of mind is dependent on them. It also means that if these people if for any reason are out of my life then I will be unhappy (state of mind) again. This implies that my state of mind is always dependent on them.Do I really need to give the remote control of my state of mind in other people’s hands?
Take care,
VJHi Russ,
I have gone through the entire thread and although much has already been very well suggested to you, I thought of replying to you too.
I liked Nina’s suggestion and think that it may work well for you.
“perhaps you can go volunteer someplace – a solid 2 hours a week, no worries about socializing, appearing a certain way – simply going there to do a service and see a world outside of your own perception.”When you are of service to others (without any expectations), you forget your own worries.
I have read all of your posts and fully agree with sadgirl – that you sound like a kind soul.
At the very beginning when you started this thread you said-
“Did not anticipate anyone would reply!”
and look now you are on the Page 3 of this thread with wonderful responses from people communicating with you.You did not think you would get in touch with so many people in this way.
So notice the difference – Is the situation really causing the problem? OR is it the thoughts about the situation causing the problem?“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, and not against it…This will miraculously transform your whole life” ~Eckhart Tolle
Take one moment of your life at a time. Do not think anything about the past or the future – will I have friends (future), what did the person at the church think of me (past).
Simply bring intense focus on whatever you are doing at “that” moment..on that one tiny segment of your life.Simply say “hello” or respond to that person at the church and move on.
That moment is gone. So the next moment is you have started walking down the church. Another person passes you by. Do whatever action is required for that moment for eg; saying “hello” again. Then you would continue walking. So bring your attention back to your feet. Watch your steps as you are walking, as that is what you are doing at that time.
Walk as if your feet is kissing the ground.“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh (Zen master)
Just to give you another example-
“When we drink a glass of water, and if we know that we are drinking a glass of water, if we’re concentrated on the fact that we are drinking water, mindfulness is already there. And the water drinking becomes deeper, truer, and real.” ~Thich Nhat HanhYou need to start watching/paying attention to your hand from the moment your hand reaches the glass of water, to holding the glass, to bringing it back close your mouth, to taking the sip, observing the water flowing through your throat. Just like the slow motion action replay on any sports channel. You will find out that while doing all of this, there was no mind activity about any other external situation because your full attention was on the drinking of water. I hope you get the point.
This will take your mind off of any activity going on in the head, and will make your life blissful, and you may well reach a stage where whether or not having any friends in your life doesn’t matter you anymore….You can then feel peaceful with yourself and give your time to your three beautiful children.
Remember, No judgement or criticism about any person (including yourself) or situation, or event. Give your fullest attention to whatever the moment presents. That will bring you to absolute stillness. You don’t even need to forcefully love yourself or others if you follow this. It will happen by itself.
This is practiced more by using a technique called as Mindfullness (there are lots of articles on the web to explore about this).
“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: On purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
Take care buddy,
VJHi dogoodatlife,
Whatever you add to your channel, focus more on the “how” part.
For example1, instead of simply saying “quiet your mind” focus on “how” to quieten the mind, what to do in order to quieten the mind – for example meditation – then if you want to add more information convey about different types of meditation.Example2: Instead of saying “Be positive” – focus more on all possible solutions on “how” to stay positive in the difficult times. There are several people out there who simply can’t think positive (“I am going to be rich” doesn’t resonate with many people).
3. Instead of saying “just let it go” – Show them “how” to let it go. What can people practically do to really let it go.
4. Instead of saying don’t worry – Show them “how” to stop worrying and start living.Along with the above, focus on the 3 major factors of life which people are always looking to improve upon – Health, Wealth & Relationships. (Health includes physical as well as mental)
Every single soul on this earth wants more of peace, joy, happiness, abundance, bliss and of course Love. So focus more on anything that will ultimately allow people to reach these inner states.
Any information/technique that gets rid of negative emotions (like pain, sorrow, resentment, hatred, shame, guilt, fear, anger, grief..) will automatically lead them to these beautiful inner states of mind (stated above).Give people back to themselves.
Take care,
VJ
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 