Had a talk with her this afternoon. Let her talk about the issues she has been facing. Even got her to laugh, told her how much I missed that aspect with her stress. I think she enjoyed the call. Haven’t heard her laugh in a long time.

Texted a bit afterwards and think I may have a dinner date lined up in the near future. I told her that I really do care about how she feels and she did not seem to run for the hills, but continued communicating.

She seems hurt and seems to feel trapped by a combination of things. She feels hurt by those she thought she knew and by those she works with. With the house she bought back in the day, she feels compelled to stay out here, but doesn’t seem to like the area.

Maybe I am experiencing the male version of the female “fix it” syndrome. Maybe not. This empathy thing is very new to me.

I texted have a great evening and look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Haven’t heard back, hope it didn’t bother her. Followed up with texting that the people who are her causing her the stress do not control her destiny. Haven’t heard back on that either.

Hope I didn’t screw up somewhere in the exchange.

Going to have a phone call with her tomorrow. Did some texting today. Sounds silly, but wish me luck:)

I am trying to sort out various emotions and trying to figure out which is the “real” me. Is it the older model wherein I had no empathy, and would have celebrated her life coming apart after getting shot down. Or, is it the newer model where I actually do care for her.

Thanks. Maybe I am a fool, but I just can’t logically explain it. I just want to hold her in my arms and hug her and comfort her. Being with her brings a feeling of oneness, of deep caring about her wellbeing. It hurts to see her hurt. The thought of maybe having another shot fills me with hope, something I have not felt in a very long time.

In searching my thoughts as far back as I can remember, have never experienced this before.

I wish I was better at expressing this to her without seeming clingy or possessive or obsessed with her or just looking/sounding like a babbling idiot. To demonstrate that I am not just blowing smoke, that I really do care.

It’s not pure physical attraction or similar. I do find her beautiful, but it is not an attraction like that. We have all been there. As funny as it sounds, my first thoughts with her are about getting to know her more, and exploring thoughts, emotions, etc. Would find it just as pleasurable to spend an evening talking and being together.

Things feel like they are aligning a bit. She is looking for a different job. That would solve any conflict issues. She told me that she feels a part of an older generation, I feel that way too as I was raised by a previous generation.

She told one of our office folks that she doesn’t like people at the moment. I have concerns about that, but, I have been there too. One of the guys a coworker tried to set her up with was recently charged with criminal offenses. Ditto for another guy that one of her friends tried the same thing with. No wonder. I bet they all said they were different too (and, well, some of them weren’t really lying as they are very different).

The good thing about that is I don’t think that she has replaced me with anyone.

Is this the chance to show her that I am not like all of the other rejects that have been in her life? She asked me to wait, perhaps she wasn’t lying? Does it show trustworthiness to have waited and not pressed her?

I texted her about how stressed she seemed, and heard back. Offered to call this weekend and talk, and she accepted. Perhaps this will demonstrate that I am willing to take time to be with her, on her terms, if only telephonically.

I wonder if she has ever had a relationship with someone who genuinely cared about her as a person, and not just as a conquest? I wonder if she tries to manipulate as a means of attempting to protect herself?

Could try that. She doesn’t seem all that interested. Perhaps she has found somebody else, who knows. I did get smitten by her, and would love the opportunity for a relationship, I am just not the one who can make that call is all.

Yep, working on leaving the hammer behind. Have also been working on improving my expressions, etc. After much thought, have realized that there is a part of me that wants a long-term relationship where both people respect and trust one another. Need to overcome my social awkwardness.

Just wish there was some certainty with this.

You are right. Just really bothers me that I couldn’t figure it out. Even seems like she had fooled her co-workers who thought that we would be a good match. If I can figure it out after a year, I am really nervous about my ability to figure it out.

Also nervous about actually finding someone who isn’t into that stuff. Wonder if part of the driving force for the behavior is that because men so out number women out here, options are limited. Sort of like the concept of a business monopoly; scarce product demands whatever price. What I can’t figure out is why, in this environment, you see the pairings that you do. Guess that I just need to get out more and meet yet more people.