Posts tagged with “communication”
What No One Tells You About Setting Boundaries: The Good, Bad, and Ugly
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~Rumi
Three years back was the first time I dared to set a boundary and be assertive in a friendship, and guess what? She blocked me off her phone, and we stopped being friends.
It came as a rude shock because I was quite invested in the friendship. Not only did we have good times together, I had helped her search and find a job and even babysat her kid for a long while free of charge. I felt betrayed …
How I Stopped Putting Everyone Else’s Needs Above My Own
“Never feel sorry for choosing yourself.” ~Unknown
I was eleven years old, possibly twelve, the day I first discovered my mother’s betrayal. I assume she didn’t hear me when I walked in the door after school. The distant voices in the finished basement room of our home drew me in. My mother’s voice was soft as she spoke to her friend. What was she hiding that she didn’t want me to hear?
I leaned in a little bit closer to the opening of the stairs… She was talking about a man she’d met. Her voice changed when she spoke of …
Before You Reach Out to That Person from Your Past: 3 Things to Consider
“You don’t have to rebuild a relationship with everyone you’ve forgiven.” ~Unknown
It’s natural, when you’re hurting and lonely, to want to reach out to people you’ve been close to in the past.
Especially if there’s unfinished business with someone. And especially given the added isolation that comes with a global pandemic.
Whether or not you do reach out is entirely your prerogative. For what it’s worth, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea to try—in most cases, a “Whoops” is better than a “What if…?” Whatever the result, you’ll learn something. It might be …
Hurt by Negative People? How to Stop Taking Things Personally
“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” ~Kamand Kojouri
The saying goes that money makes the world go round, but of course that’s not true.
It’s our relationships.
How we relate to other people and how they relate to us keeps our world turning. When things go well, all’s right with our world. When things go badly, it can feel as though our world has ground to a halt.
This is exactly how I felt whenever I had a difficult experience with a …
Feel Hurt in Your Relationship? How to Get Your Needs Met and Feel Closer
“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra
I used to handle hurtful situations in relationships the same way. I’d get angry, shut down, get irritated, or just give my partner the silent treatment. This just led to more of what I didn’t want—separation, loneliness, and frustration.
So one day I made up my mind. I was going to change my approach and try something different. Cause we’ve all heard that famous saying from Albert Einstein: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different …
If You’re in a Painful Relationship and Considering Estrangement…
“I understand the life around me better, not from love, which everyone acknowledges to be a great teacher, but from estrangement, to which nobody has attributed the power of reinforcing insight.” ~Nirad C. Chaudhuri
I was brought up to understand that family is family. So I have naturally given great weight to the importance of family bonds. However, what happens when a familial bond breaks? Do you commit yourself to holding on despite the cost, or do you acknowledge the damage and take the necessary steps to sever the tie?
Personally, I sit somewhere in the middle. Any …
Meaningful Connection: The Gift And Challenge Of Being An HSP In Love
“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley
I used to be married to a very kind man with similar values and goals in life. So why did we end up divorced?
In one word? Communication.
Like so many other highly sensitive people (HSPs) I thrived on meaningful, deep communication. I lived for it. I sought it out. And, when at ease, I was good at it.
Unless he wasn’t. Which was often. When he was shut down, couldn’t articulate what was going on for him, or had nothing to say …
9 Easy Ways You Can Speak Your Truth Today
“We are constantly invited to be who we are.” ~Henry David Thoreau
When your circumstances invite you to present your true self to others, do you accept the invitation?
I think of authentic communication as sharing the unfiltered essence of ourselves with others, including our identities, feelings, needs, boundaries, and desires.
It’s taken me many years to learn how to communicate this way. I’ve written in prior posts that speaking my truth once felt like an insurmountable challenge, like rolling an elephant up a hill or finding another living being who actually likes Nickelback. (Anyone? No?)
I was plagued …
How to Avoid Petty Fights and Get What You Need in Your Relationship
“It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.” ~Amy Poehler
It was yet another stupid argument that escalated from nothing to a hundred miles an hour in seconds. I’d been there so many times before, entrenched in warfare with us both preparing our defenses and priming our attacks.
The intense emotions of the moment always took over, denying me the opportunity that hindsight would later afford me. Huge issues were, upon reflection, only minor disagreements about who had said what about the cooking, or where something had been left in the bathroom.
On this occasion, once …
How to Stop Arguing and Start Understanding
“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” ~Rumi
One of the most common sources of conflict among people is in the way we communicate. Often times, conflicts arise because of the variety of our opinions and beliefs, and also from the way we express our thoughts and communicate disagreement.
A blaming, sometimes even aggressive tone of voice can seep into our language, which invites confrontation instead of collaboration, and conveys a closed “my way or no way” kind of approach.
Looking back on my past, I can recall myself during my childhood years, …
4 Things You Need to Know to Have a Strong, Healthy Relationship
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.“ ~T. Tolis
Relationships are not always easy. If you lack the tools to engage properly with a partner and cannot show up in a healthy way, you will find your relationship is ten times harder and most likely prone to failure.
I wish I had known these things when I first started dating, as it would have made my life much easier.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must know the following:
1. How to communicate effectively
My …
The Art of Conversation: Stop Zoning Out and Waiting to Talk
“Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.” ~Mark Twain
Some of the most memorable experiences in our lives revolve around the conversations we have with others.
Talking to your grandparents about what life was like for them when they were young.
Kind words of encouragement from a teacher or mentor.
A romantic conversation in front of a fireplace with your soul mate.
Listening to the last words of someone on their deathbed.
However, sometimes we can become so pressured to talk, to sell ourselves, or can become so …
How to Respond to a Verbal Assault Without Losing Your Cool
“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” ~Shannon L. Adler
I answer the phone.
And then the yelling starts. The woman on the other end lets fly a barrage of abuse.
She’s angry and upset and she’s taking it out on me. Because I haven’t sent her a text message for two days.
She wants to know why I haven’t responded and what is wrong with me. She wants to know how I can be so mean.
I don’t understand. I thought I was giving her space during a difficult time. I was also dealing with events …
The Power of Literal Listening: Take the Stress Out of Communication
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” ~Ernest Hemingway
If I’m honest, I don’t think I listened to another person until I was in my thirties. I wasn’t really listening, not completely. It’s not that I’m super selfish or vain; I was just so busy doing the mental gymnastics that I thought I had to do to keep up in conversations that I missed what was actually being said to me.
I grew up in a family where it felt like nearly everything that was said had another, unspoken meaning. I remember feeling really confused as a child, …
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