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Posts by Carrie L. Burns

Carrie L. Burns is a blogger on a mission of self-discovery. As a sexual abuse survivor that struggled for years with depression anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of self-love, and relationship issues, she found her purpose through writing and sharing her story with others. Check out her other writing at www.acinglife.com.

Carrie L. Burns's Website

Why Strong Chemistry Doesn’t Always Lead to a Strong Relationship

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“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~C.G. Jung 

Everyone says it. They say chemistry is a must. I know I say it. But why do we say this?  What exactly is chemistry, and is it really the best indicator of a good partner?

The man I had the most chemistry with (we’ll call him Tim) treated me like an option and was never particularly concerned with my needs, desires, or feelings.

I remember the day I met him, and he opened the door and flashed …

What Happens When We Assume the Worst of People We Love

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“Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.” ~Unknown

There we were on a Saturday afternoon doing such benign things as running errands at Costco, Trader Joes, and the post office. Excitement galore.

Yet, it would be a day I came to a major realization, understanding something I already knew in theory but wasn’t putting into practice.

Here’s the realization: Mind reading in relationships leads to confusion, resentment, frustration, and name-calling.

I’m not talking about psychic mind reading either! I’m referring to the kind of mind reading that you likely do every …

3 Ways to Stop Obsessing and Start Enjoying More of Your Life

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“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” ~Marcus Aurelius

I’ve come to realize that worrying and obsessing don’t help or change anything.

Hold up. Wait a minute!

Let me rephrase that, because worrying and obsessing do change things. They make your life worse. I think pretty much everyone in the world knows this, but how hard do we try to stop doing these things?

What If?

Every day you wake up and you think and obsess and wonder, “What if?”

What if I lose my job? What …

When You Feel Like You’re Going Nowhere and Life Has No Point

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“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Wayne Dyer

How many days do you wake up feeling like you’re a hamster on a wheel? You brush your teeth, take a shower, drink your coffee, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go to bed, and rinse and repeat.

Do you wonder how you can keep going and keep everything together when it feels like you’re doing nothing, going nowhere, and living some life you weren’t meant for?

Do you ever wonder what to do on those days where you feel …

How to Keep Going When You Want To Give Up on Life

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post references suicidal thoughts and may be triggering to some people.

Since my first post on Tiny Buddha entitled “Why I Didn’t Kill Myself and Why You Shouldn’t Either,” I’ve been doing amazingly well. I thought I had this suicide stuff in the bag. I thought it lived in the past. I thought it was no longer a part of me.

I thought I had found my way forward and that I would never feel that way again. I thought my suicidal ideation was a historical part of my existence.

I was wrong.

Tonight, I …

Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop

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“I was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.” ~John Lennon

After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.

My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.

As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my …

4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

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“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

One of the biggest challenges in life seems to be the attainment of happiness. Everyone wants to be happy (or so they say). But what does happiness truly mean, and how do we not only find it, but embrace and maintain it?

Researchers have come to the conclusion that happiness has three separate elements. First, there’s the amount of happiness you are genetically predisposed to have, which accounts for about 50 percent.

Studies were done on identical twins who were raised together and on some …

How To Overcome Insecurity and Change Your Negative Relationship Patterns

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“Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe.” ~Unknown

After nearly a year of being single and after going through my fifth breakup, I found myself involved with someone new.

It was the typical guy-meets-girl story you read about all over the Internet. We met for dinner and drinks and there was an immediate attraction. We laughed and talked and overall had a great night. By the second date, he stayed the night at my house and didn’t leave for four days.

This time I felt I was more prepared. I had studied …

Why Loving Someone Isn’t Enough to Make It Work

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“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky

Have you ever thought that you could love someone enough to make everything work?

Have you been in a relationship where you knew you weren’t really happy, but you kept saying, “But I love him/her. Isn’t that enough?”

I know how it feels to believe this. I have felt this more times than I care to admit. The worst was when I fell in love with my ex-husband. He was twelve years my junior, from another country (Greece), and barely spoke English.

Our souls connected immediately, and I fell in …

4 Things You Need to Know to Have a Strong, Healthy Relationship

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“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.“ ~T. Tolis

Relationships are not always easy. If you lack the tools to engage properly with a partner and cannot show up in a healthy way, you will find your relationship is ten times harder and most likely prone to failure.

I wish I had known these things when I first started dating, as it would have made my life much easier.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must know the following:

1. How to communicate effectively

My …

How to Get Closure When Your Ex Won’t Speak to You

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“If you are brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” ~Paul Coehlo

Why won’t they call? Can’t they just have the conversation? What’s wrong with them? What did I do to deserve this treatment? Did I mean nothing?

Have you asked yourself these questions at the end of a relationship? I know I have. Actually, I was asking myself these very questions about six months ago. What do you do at the end of a relationship when it doesn’t really feel over or you aren’t ready for it to be done?

First there …

Why I Didn’t Kill Myself and Why You Shouldn’t Either

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TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.

“That’s the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.” ~Anderson Cooper

I know what it’s like to want to die. I know the feeling of hopelessness. I know the sense of loneliness. I know the soul crushing despair and longing to fade into nothingness.

If you are reading this, then you know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what brought you to …