Posts tagged with “friends”
There Are Some People You Just Can’t Help
“Be there. Be open. Be honest. Be kind. Be willing to listen, understand, accept, support, and forgive. This is what it means to love.” ~Lori Deschene
A few months ago, I was totally freaked out.
I was having a cup of tea with a soul-sister friend, and we were in deep conversation. I was crying.
I was explaining, between hiccupping sobs, about how there was someone in my life who was suffering deeply.
Sitting at the café that day, I said to her, “There is this person in my life that I love so deeply, but he is suffering.”
I …
The Introvert’s Hate/Hate Relationship With Spontaneity
“The man who is prepared has his battle half fought.” ~Miguel De Cervantes
They say you should live in the present, and “they” form a chorus of voices that is growing in number by the second. Everywhere you turn these days, the message is loud and clear: life is better when you live in the moment.
I get it; I really do. I know that when I hit that flow state, regardless of what I’m immersed in, time passes in a heartbeat and I tend to really enjoy myself.
It’s just that I would prefer it if I could …
Don’t Lose Sight of the Big Picture: Spend Time with People You Truly Enjoy
“Even if you are on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers
How is this happening again?
Lying in bed watching The Mentalist at 8 P.M. on a Saturday night, my mind begins to wander.
A year ago I was so happy. I spent almost every night hanging out with amazing friends and now I’m here, alone watching TV.
As my heart sank into my stomach, I shook my head, suppressed my feelings, and pushed play to start the next episode.
A few years earlier I moved to Santa Fe, NM, a state …
How Expectations Can Drive People Away and How to Let Go of Control
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Friedrich Salomon Perls
About five years ago, I had a falling out with a close friend. I was irritated because she didn’t do the things I thought she should and she didn’t give as much as I did. I felt I had been very generous with her, and I expected her to do the same. I felt she owed me.
My anger became unmanageable and started seeping into pretty much every interaction we had. She began cancelling dinner …
You Don’t Have to Go It Alone: How Asking for Help Brings Us Closer
“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.” ~Anne Wilson Schaef
For most of my life, I’ve exhibited contradicting behaviors.
On one hand, I believe wholeheartedly in collaboration, and have always been quick to help others out. I do it at work and in my personal life. Helping a stranger parallel park, listening to a friend as they go through a hard time, these are common occurrences for me. Once I even helped a blind man walk over a mile to the nearest church…IN …
What to Do When the World Doesn’t Get You
“Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” ~Pema Chödrön
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a little different, defiantly so.
I was that child who never liked cartoons. I was nicknamed “the little old lady” for the things I said at the age of five.
I was that girl from northern Vietnam who refused to change her accent and use of language while schooling in the south, despite being made a subject of ridicule for that.
I was the only pupil that felt indignant about having analyses of literature imposed on us at …
True Connection Happens When We Release Cynicism and Judgment
“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” ~Bill Nye
It’s cool to be a little cynical, right? We’ve all seen the movies; we know an air of ennui and a well-cultivated sneer is all a person needs to get by.
When I was in my early twenties I used to archly describe myself as an “optimistic cynic.” To me, it sounded cool. I was playing in bands, and I’d decided this was how I wanted to show up to the world.
Back then I responded to everything, whether good or bad, exciting or not, through a filter of …
Do You Constantly Think and Worry About Your Relationships?
“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho
Sometimes it’s easy to define ourselves by our roles and relationships.
We can look at ourselves as a daughter, or someone’s employee, or so in so’s husband. These things mean a lot to us, and we often subconsciously use a variety of behaviors and mental constructs to protect these roles and relationships.
It can take form in innocuous ways, like buying clothes you don’t really want or feigning interests in order to fit in. (Go sports team!) But it also affects more serious things, …
What to Do When You’re Having Trouble Making New Friends
“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ~Albert Einstein
I’m sitting on the couch by myself watching Dexter reruns on Netflix. But I can hardly focus on the show. I’m freaking out because I still haven’t made any friends, even though I moved here over a month ago.
I keep thinking to myself: “Will all my Saturdays look like this?” “Will I actually be able to make new friends and build that social circle I was so excited to have?”
Let me rewind just a bit.
It’s a hot and sunny summer day in Southern California.
After hours …
3 Times When I Wasn’t a Good Friend & How to Avoid My Mistakes
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
In this current age of social media, it is easy to have large and wide social circles. I believe that the larger and wider these circles get, the shallower the friendships become.
I’ve always been a person who is very selective when forging friendships. I think that has mostly stemmed from the fact that I value depth over breadth, and quality over quantity.
For this reason, I have had a handful of friendships …
How to Connect with Others and Feel Less Alone in the World
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.” ~Brené Brown
There is very little in life (if anything) more important than our relationships. How connected we feel to others is a strong predictor of our happiness and our feelings of self-worth.
From a neurobiological standpoint, we are wired for connection. Our deeply connected relationships can ultimately give us true meaning and purpose.
But, if we’re feeling disconnected, alone, and segregated from those around us, how can we become more connected? Why does it …
The Truth About Social Anxiety and 5 Ways to Relieve It
“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us, when in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” ~Brené Brown
About fifteen million adults suffer from social anxiety according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Fifteen million. And we’re not just talking about what you’d call shyness. We’re talking about big fears of judgment and scrutinization from others.
When we hear statistics it can be difficult to remember the humanness of those numbers. These are people who want to find love, who want to make …
6 Signs You Have a Strong Friendship That Will Stand the Test of Time
“Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” ~Muhammad Ali
Doesn’t it hurt?
You develop a friendship with someone who appeared to be decent but turned out to be a huge problem in your life.
I’m not talking about those occasional slip-ups like keeping you waiting at the coffee shop until 4:10 when the rendezvous was scheduled for 4:00.
I mean those things that completely slash the fabric of your friendship—stuff that truly hurts, like harsh words that prey on your weaknesses and sensitivities, or complete …
5 Ways to Create Amazing Friendships
“To have a friend and be a friend is what makes life worthwhile.” ~Unknown
Studies show that perhaps the most important component of psychological well-being is not family, material possessions, or career successes, but rather our friendships.
For someone like me, that is terrifying news.
I have few friends. There are several reasons for that: I’ve moved often throughout my life, I’m an introvert, I was always deeply afraid of rejection. But the root cause was that I never learned how to be a friend.
Books and movies became my source of information about friendship and as a result …
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