Posts tagged with “grief”
Dealing with a Big Disappointment: How to Soften the Blow and Move On
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu
In the middle of a storm, it is difficult to see any way out. But on the other side, we usually can recognize a silver lining—something we gained from the experience that enhanced our lives in some way.
When my husband unexpectedly died and left me a single mother to three young children, I could not conceptualize anything good coming out of it.
Yet, years later, I am here to tell you that the gutting, heart-wrenching experience taught me invaluable lessons that have helped me to not just survive but …
My Dad Died From Depression: This Is How I Coped with His Suicide
“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ~Jamie Anderson
When I was seventeen, my dad died from depression. This is now almost twenty-two years ago.
The first fifteen years after his death, however, I’d say he died from a disease—which is true, I just didn’t want to say it was a psychological disease. Cancer, people probably assumed.
I …
How I Healed My Mother Wound and My Daughters Are Healing Theirs
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself… You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow…” ~Kahlil Gibran
Now that my daughters are in therapy trying to heal their relationship with me, I have more compassion than ever for my mom. I haven’t felt angry at her in years. But when I was a teen, I earnestly desired to kill her more than once.
I …
The Surprising Lesson I Learned About Why People Leave Us
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” ~Lao Tzu
While this Lao Tzu quote may sound familiar, I recently learned there is a second portion of that quote that often gets omitted.
“When the student is truly ready…the teacher will disappear.”
The first part of this quote was a healing anchor for me as I went through what I call a thirteen, or a divine storm.
In one year’s time, I went through a devastating divorce, was robbed, got in two car accidents, and lost a dear friend to a heart attack. I felt like I was watching …
Living a Meaningful Life: What Will Your Loved Ones Find When You Die?
“At the end of life, at the end of YOUR life, what essence emerges? What have you filled the world with? In remembering you, what words will others choose?” ~Amy Rosenthal
Most people believe sorting through a loved one’s belongings after death provides closure. For me, it provided an existential crisis.
After glancing at the angry sky in my father’s driveway for what seemed like hours, I mustered up the courage to crack open the door to the kitchen. The eerie silence stopped me in my tracks. Wasn’t he cooking up a storm in this cluttered kitchen just a …
5 Questions I Ask Myself Nightly Since My Father’s Sudden Death
“Life is for the living. Death is for the dead. Let life be like music. And death a note unsaid.” ~Langston Hughes
Nine years ago, I was sitting mindlessly in my office cubicle in Omaha, Nebraska, when the receptionist called to inform me that my dad was in the lobby.
I walked out to greet him: He was happy, smiling, and donning one of his favorite double-breasted suits. He was there because he needed my signature on some tax preparation forms before he handed them over to his accountant. My dad always took care of things like that.
It was …
The Enduring Pain of Losing Someone You Love to Suicide
“The reality is that you will grieve forever.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
March is always hard for me. Has been since March 21, 2017. That’s the day my eldest son, then twenty-seven, found his father hanging in our basement. I apologize for being so brutal. But it was.
What no one tells you about grief, what catches you by surprise, is the fact that you can be five years out and still, when March comes around, you can find yourself in a fetal position on the ceramic floor of your kitchen—howling like a wounded dog because a memory …
How I’m Coping with Grief by Finding Meaning in My Father’s Death
“Life has to end, love doesn’t.” ~Mitch Albom
Before we dive into the dark subject of death, let me assure you, this is a happy read. It is not about how losing a loved one is a blessing but how it can be a catalyst to you unlocking big lessons in your life.
Or maybe it is—you decide.
To me, this is just about a perspective, a coping mechanism, and a process that I am personally employing to get over the loss of a loved one.
My dad and I were best buds till I became a teenager. Then my …
Are You Pathologizing Normal Emotions? It’s Not Always a Mental Illness
“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~Unknown
Society is becoming more accepting of mental illness. That’s great, but there’s a downside that we need to talk about. Not everything is mental illness. We need to stop pathologizing every single thing that we feel.
What I mean by pathologizing everything is jumping to diagnosing yourself after every tough feeling you have. It’s great to be self-aware, but I think we are taking that a little too far, and it’s causing more depression and anxiety.
Yes, I said we are taking self-awareness too far. I stand by that, but I’ll explain the …
Mindfulness, Creativity, and Nature: A Healing Trifecta for Lasting Peace
“It is the marriage of the soul with nature that gives birth to imagination.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Before my accident, before we had kids, after we divorced, after my father died from Covid, before the pandemic…
We tend to divide our lives into the before and afters that define our world, whether personally or on a grand scale. These divisions offer context, providing a kind of roadmap that supports us in reflecting on the beauty and darkness, the decisions we made, and who we might be if certain things had never occurred.
I have always believed that the only reason …
The Chaos of Life After Loss and the Love That Never Dies
“We need to grieve the ones we’ve lost—not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” ~Jennifer Williamson
Ken was only forty-seven years old when he met his untimely death.
It was surreal, my brother-in-law was gone from our physical world.
As a family, we felt the motions moving through the initial telephone call summoning us to the hospital to the time we surrounded him as he took his last breath. It was if we were all caught between two worlds, one of cruel reality and one of complete disbelief. You read about it …
5 Important Life Skills I Learned in Grief After My Husband Died
“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr. Rebecca Ray
When my husband died from terminal brain cancer in 2014, I learned all about deep grief. The kind of grief that plunges you into a valley of pain so vast it takes years to claw your way out. In the beginning, I didn’t want to deal with grief because the pain was too intense. So, I dodged grief …
4 Powerful Lessons I’ve Learned from Grief Since My Mom Died Suddenly
“Losing my mother at such an early age is the scar of my soul. But I feel like it ultimately made me into the person I am today. I understand the journey of life. I had to go through what I did to be here.” ~Mariska Hargitay
At 6:07 pm on July 18, 2020, I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend. It was a Saturday night, and I had canceled plans with my friends because I had a migraine. I had eaten dinner already, and I was in my pajamas, watching TV. My phone rang—my dad. “I’ll call …
Scared of Losing People You Love? How to Work through the Fear
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F. Newton
“Oh my God, Mom…” she said with a verbal eye roll.
“What?” I responded, sure that I had said too much or overshared like I normally do.
I can’t recall what my daughter and I were discussing openly about while standing in line at the grocery store checkout, but I do remember the girl ringing us up laughing and saying we sounded just like her and her mom.
I paused, unsure what that meant.
“Is this what a healthy mother/daughter relationship sounds like?” I questioned to myself. …
Why I Blamed Myself for My Ex’s Suicide (and Why It’s Not My Fault)
“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future.” ~Umar Ibn Al Khattab
I don’t remember the exact day the message came through. It was from my son, Julian, and he needed to talk to me. It sounded pretty serious. He never really needs to talk to me.
His father was found dead earlier that week. He’d hung himself.
While this news hardly affected Julian at all, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I cried.
Our Marriage
We met in a taxi thirty-three years ago. He was the driver, …
Lessons and Gifts from Grief: What I Learned After Losing My Baby
Today marks the twenty-year anniversary of when I lost my first baby.
I was, at the time, happily married and we were excited to start our family. My pregnancy was planned, wanted, and blissful. I was six months along. I was showing, and the baby was kicking vigorously. We had just moved into a wonderful house only a few blocks from my parents. Everything was absolutely golden.
It took me a little while to find an OB-GYN in the area, so I was about a month late for my baseline ultrasound. We were very excited to get a clear view …
Breaking the Toxic Cycle: My Family Dysfunction Stops with Me
TRIGGER WARNING: This post references physical abuse and may be triggering to some people.
“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching
I will never forget, when I was twelve years old, I went to sit on my father’s lap and he told me, “No! You’re too heavy to sit on my lap!” What does an adolescent girl do with a comment …
One Question I Ask Myself Monthly Since Coming to Terms with Death
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins
On September 23, 2015, Loukas Angelo was walking to his after-school strength and conditioning class just a few hundred yards from Archbishop Mitty High School.
He was approaching the outdoor basketball courts when he ran out into the street and was struck by a car traveling around thirty miles per hour. The impact sent Loukas flying down the street, and he was immediately transported to the closest hospital where he remained in critical condition.
I remember sitting on …
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