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Posts tagged with “grief”

10 Ways to Calm Anxious Thoughts and Soothe Your Nervous System

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“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” ~Jack Canfield

Freezing in fear is something I have done since I was a child.

My first home was an unsafe one, living with my alcoholic granddad. Once upon a time I didn’t know life without fear.

I learned young to scan for danger. How were everyone’s moods? Were the adults okay today? I would freeze and be still and quiet in an attempt to keep myself safe and control an eruption.

Unknown to me, between the ages of conception and seven years old my nervous system was being programmed. …

The 5 Happiness Zappers and What Helps Me Cope with Them

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“Emotion in itself is not unhappiness. Only emotion plus an unhappy story is unhappiness.” ~Eckhart Tolle

When my mother told me, “Honey, you don’t understand; you can’t,” initially I felt like she was being condescending.

It was Mother’s Day and, unbeknownst to me, the last time I’d see her before her final hospital visit.

We’d spent that Saturday updating her computer, watching waves at the beach, and picking up seashells, then eating dinner at a popular local restaurant frequented by travelers, including famous musicians on tour buses because of its location off of the interstate.

By early evening, we were …

Children’s Movies are Obsessed with Death, but Don’t Show Healthy Grief

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“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ~Jamie Anderson

I knew my son was watching me. We were inhaling fistfuls of popcorn while Frozen 2 played on the screen above. (Spoiler alert…)

Anna has just realized her sister, Elsa, is dead, frozen solid at the bottom of a river. Anna must carry on life without her.

My son …

The Circle of Love: How I Paid It Forward After My Mom’s Death

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“If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.” ~Unknown

Years ago, I was a young housewife, raising two children, and still practically a child myself. When my mother fell ill, we realized it was chronic and I felt the blow.

Mom had been my closest friend and supporter throughout my entire life. I was still her baby, even though I had babies of my own. And it was a point of pride with me.

As Mom gradually diminished into a shell …

5 Ways to Start Healing from the Grief of Betrayal and Domestic Abuse

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“If your heart hurts a little after letting go of someone or something, that’s okay. It just means that your feelings were genuine. No one likes ends. And no one likes pain. But sometimes we have to put things that were once good to an end after they turn toxic to our well-being. Not every new beginning is meant to last forever. And not every person who walks into your life is meant to stay.” ~Najwa Zebian

It’s hard to describe what betrayal feels like. Unless you’ve experienced it, I mean, in which case you’ll know. You’ll know that moment—the …

Coping with the Grief of a Layoff: 5 Tips If You’re Looking for a Job

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“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” ~Seneca

We are in such a hard season of the economy, and the implications of people getting laid off are so real and unfortunately painful.

No matter how competent or qualified you are, the job search process is hard. And even when you know your layoff was due to reasons completely outside your control, it still hurts.

The fear, instability, and uncertainty about what your next job will be or when it will come to fruition are emotionally unsettling, and our collective toxic positivity conditioning isn’t always helpful.

Yes, it’s true …

Don’t Wait to Open Your Heart: There Is Only Time For Love

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“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.” ~Iain Thomas

Looking back, my most cherished childhood memories can be traced back to my rosy mother.

Intricate forts in the backyard with Spice Girls playing in the background. Sleepovers using Limited Too’s finest sparkly lotion, eyeshadow, and lip gloss. Rainy afternoons filled with friendship bracelets and Lisa Frank activity sheets. Children and teachers showing off their wild side at my mothers’ signature talent shows at the local theatre. Arts and crafts in a …

Here’s the Truth About Grief

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Dealing with a Big Disappointment: How to Soften the Blow and Move On

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“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu

In the middle of a storm, it is difficult to see any way out. But on the other side, we usually can recognize a silver lining—something we gained from the experience that enhanced our lives in some way.

When my husband unexpectedly died and left me a single mother to three young children, I could not conceptualize anything good coming out of it.

Yet, years later, I am here to tell you that the gutting, heart-wrenching experience taught me invaluable lessons that have helped me to not just survive but …

When We Start to Get Better, We Often Get Sad

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My Dad Died From Depression: This Is How I Coped with His Suicide

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“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” ~Jamie Anderson

When I was seventeen, my dad died from depression. This is now almost twenty-two years ago.

The first fifteen years after his death, however, I’d say he died from a disease—which is true, I just didn’t want to say it was a psychological disease. Cancer, people probably assumed.

I …

How I Healed My Mother Wound and My Daughters Are Healing Theirs

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“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself… You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow…” ~Kahlil Gibran

Now that my daughters are in therapy trying to heal their relationship with me, I have more compassion than ever for my mom. I haven’t felt angry at her in years. But when I was a teen, I earnestly desired to kill her more than once.

I …

The Surprising Lesson I Learned About Why People Leave Us

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“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” ~Lao Tzu

While this Lao Tzu quote may sound familiar, I recently learned there is a second portion of that quote that often gets omitted.

“When the student is truly ready…the teacher will disappear.”

The first part of this quote was a healing anchor for me as I went through what I call a thirteen, or a divine storm.

In one year’s time, I went through a devastating divorce, was robbed, got in two car accidents, and lost a dear friend to a heart attack. I felt like I was watching …

Living a Meaningful Life: What Will Your Loved Ones Find When You Die?

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“At the end of life, at the end of YOUR life, what essence emerges? What have you filled the world with? In remembering you, what words will others choose?” ~Amy Rosenthal

Most people believe sorting through a loved one’s belongings after death provides closure. For me, it provided an existential crisis.

After glancing at the angry sky in my father’s driveway for what seemed like hours, I mustered up the courage to crack open the door to the kitchen. The eerie silence stopped me in my tracks. Wasn’t he cooking up a storm in this cluttered kitchen just a …

5 Questions I Ask Myself Nightly Since My Father’s Sudden Death

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“Life is for the living. Death is for the dead. Let life be like music. And death a note unsaid.” ~Langston Hughes

Nine years ago, I was sitting mindlessly in my office cubicle in Omaha, Nebraska, when the receptionist called to inform me that my dad was in the lobby.

I walked out to greet him: He was happy, smiling, and donning one of his favorite double-breasted suits. He was there because he needed my signature on some tax preparation forms before he handed them over to his accountant. My dad always took care of things like that.

It was …

The Enduring Pain of Losing Someone You Love to Suicide

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“The reality is that you will grieve forever.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

March is always hard for me. Has been since March 21, 2017. That’s the day my eldest son, then twenty-seven, found his father hanging in our basement. I apologize for being so brutal.  But it was.

What no one tells you about grief, what catches you by surprise, is the fact that you can be five years out and still, when March comes around, you can find yourself in a fetal position on the ceramic floor of your kitchen—howling like a wounded dog because a memory …

How I’m Coping with Grief by Finding Meaning in My Father’s Death

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“Life has to end, love doesn’t.” ~Mitch Albom

Before we dive into the dark subject of death, let me assure you, this is a happy read. It is not about how losing a loved one is a blessing but how it can be a catalyst to you unlocking big lessons in your life.

Or maybe it is—you decide.

To me, this is just about a perspective, a coping mechanism, and a process that I am personally employing to get over the loss of a loved one.

My dad and I were best buds till I became a teenager. Then my …

Are You Pathologizing Normal Emotions? It’s Not Always a Mental Illness

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“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~Unknown

Society is becoming more accepting of mental illness. That’s great, but there’s a downside that we need to talk about. Not everything is mental illness. We need to stop pathologizing every single thing that we feel.

What I mean by pathologizing everything is jumping to diagnosing yourself after every tough feeling you have. It’s great to be self-aware, but I think we are taking that a little too far and it’s causing more depression and anxiety.

Yes, I said we are taking self-awareness too far. I stand by that, but I’ll explain the …

Mindfulness, Creativity, and Nature: A Healing Trifecta for Lasting Peace

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“It is the marriage of the soul with nature that gives birth to imagination.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Before my accident, before we had kids, after we divorced, after my father died from Covid, before the pandemic…

We tend to divide our lives into the before and afters that define our world, whether personally or on a grand scale. These divisions offer context, providing a kind of roadmap that supports us in reflecting on the beauty and darkness, the decisions we made, and who we might be if certain things had never occurred.

I have always believed that the only reason …

The Chaos of Life After Loss and the Love That Never Dies

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“We need to grieve the ones we’ve lost—not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” ~Jennifer Williamson

Ken was only forty-seven years old when he met his untimely death.

It was surreal, my brother-in-law was gone from our physical world.

As a family, we felt the motions moving through the initial telephone call summoning us to the hospital to the time we surrounded him as he took his last breath. It was if we were all caught between two worlds, one of cruel reality and one of complete disbelief. You read about it …