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Posts tagged with “lonely”

How Being Alone Made Me Fall in Love with Myself

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“Solitude is where one discovers one is not alone.” ~Marty Rubin

“No one invites me to their party.” That’s what middle school was like for me, anyway. No matter how hard I tried, I could never really fit in with any friend groups.

It seemed like everyone got the instructions on who to hang with and where to sit except me.

I was the serious, quiet type. And the gossipers and sleepover crews didn’t want serious and reserved. So I bounced around, making a buddy here and there. But I was never fully brought into the social scene.

At first, …

Why I Love My Sober Life: Everything I Gained When I Quit Drinking

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“Sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.” ~Rob Lowe

I tried and failed to have a fabulous relationship with alcohol for many years.

When my children were tiny, I drank far more than was good for me, thinking I was relaxing, unwinding, socializing, and having fun. I’d seen my life shrink down from a world with lots of freedom and vibrancy to a socially restricted void, and I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to join in with everyone else.

All my birthday cards had bottles of gin or glasses of fizz on them, all the Friday afternoon …

How a Rescue Dog Helped Heal My Lonely, Longing Heart

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“Maybe it’s time for the fighter to be fought for, the holder to be held, and the lover to be loved.” ~Unknown

There’s this cheesy saying I heard once—“Dog, when spelled backwards, is god.” As a companion to my dog, I can honestly say this is truer than you might ever imagine it to be.

There is something special about dogs or perhaps animals in general. They are not plugged into the matrix of human dramas and suffering the way we are entrenched in it. And because they are out of that cycle, in a way, they become our bodhisattvas.…

Being Alone Without Being Lonely

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Navigating Social Anxiety: 10 Powerful NLP Tools for Personal Growth

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“We need each other, deeper than anyone ever dares to admit even to themselves. I think it is a genetic imperative that we huddle together and hold on to each other.” ~Patch Adams

A few years ago, I was invited to a work event. When I received the invitation a few months before, the idea seemed fun—a friendly gathering with colleagues, filled with vibrant conversations and laughter, enabling me to create human connections in the workplace.

As the day approached, a familiar knot tightened in my stomach, I couldn’t breathe deeply, and an overwhelming sense of unease took hold. I …

How I Stopped Feeling Like an Outsider by Being Honest with Myself

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“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard M. Baruch

As a young boy, maybe in fourth or fifth grade, I came to the realization that I was an outsider.

I didn’t like playing video games after school, I played basketball while the other boys played soccer, and most of all, I didn’t like the unpleasant and sometimes bullying tone that had formed amongst my good friends.

One good friend in particular—let’s call him Theo—I considered to be my best friend.

For years, we celebrated birthdays, …

How I Feel the Best I Can Despite My Struggles with Depression and Anxiety

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“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” ~John Green

I remember being fifteen. I was a high school freshman who loved drawing, books, Harry Potter, and Taylor Swift. I hated math class with a passion. I had a loving family and a small white dog named Maddie. I wanted to be a writer, and to have a boyfriend. I also wanted to die.

It started in seventh grade, when my best friend, Meghan, dumped me. You hear about romantic breakups all the time, but no one seems to talk about friendship breakups. They hurt a …

8 Ways You Can Help Fight the Loneliness Epidemic

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“The antidote to loneliness isn’t just being around random people indiscriminately, the antidote to loneliness is emotional security.” ~Benedict Wells

Emotional security. The feeling of being at home in the presence of another. Safe to be who you are, good times or bad. Feeling seen and seeing the other clearly, accepting the other’s whole lovely mess. It’s good stuff, and it can be hard to find.

In fact, ever-increasing loneliness stats have led many experts to describe the problem as epidemic. You might assume it was caused by the pandemic, but it was a crisis long before lockdowns and …

How I Stopped Feeling Embarrassed and Ashamed of Being Single

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“Be proud of who you are, not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” ~Unknown

“When was your last relationship?” my hairdresser asked as she twisted the curling wand into my freshly blow-dried hair.

“Erm, around two years ago.” I lied.

“Why did you break up?” she asked.

“Oh, he had a lot of issues. It wasn’t really working out.” I lied again.

I had gotten quite good at this, lying to hide my shame over being in my early thirties and never having been in a serious relationship. I had learned to think on my feet; that way, no …

All the Wrong Reasons I Slept with Men Before and Why I’m Changing Now

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“We think we want sex, but it’s not always about sex. It’s intimacy we want. To be touched. Looked at. Admired. Smiled at. Laugh with someone. Feel safe. Feel like someone’s really got you. That’s what we crave.” ~Anonymous

I have not had sex in years. I was meditating one day, and my mind was silent (an extremely rare event), then I heard “Do not have sex until you are married.” Something I heard often growing up as a southern Baptist.

I started breathing fast, and my thoughts immediately started racing. I am pretty sure I cried, if not in …

A Gentle Reminder to Anyone Who’s Struggling This Holiday Season

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“It’s okay to want to be alone. It’s okay to take time for yourself.” ~Kate Allan

It’s the holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year, they say, but it’s not for all of us. For those of us coping with the loss of a loved one, family estrangement, loneliness, financial difficulties, or health struggles, the holidays can be one of the hardest times of the year.

For some of us the holidays can feel as if we have been cast out in the cold. As if we are forced to look through a window of a happy, …

A Simple Guide for Introverts: How to Embrace Your Personality

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“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world has a preference for the extroverted among us. In school we learn public speaking, and we are expected to raise our hand and participate in discussions. We act as if what we hear and see from a person can tell us everything there is to know about them. But what about the unspoken, that magical light that lives within us?

Here’s what I’ve learned about being an introvert that has helped me embrace, value, and honor …

All the Ways I Tried to Numb My Loneliness and What Actually Helped

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“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings.” ~Mandy Hale

I feel so alone right now. Like, crawling out of my skin, I’ll do anything I can do to not feel this way alone.

I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Thank goodness I have tools to take care of myself. Let me explain.

My earliest childhood memory is my mother’s empty bed. The sheets are white, untucked, and messy.  The duvet cover is loose and hanging halfway on the floor. The room is quiet, there’s no sign of mom, and I …

How to Get Comfortable Being Alone and Get the Most Out of Solitude

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“The act of sitting down is an act of revolution. By sitting down, you stop that state of being: losing yourself, not being yourself. And when you sit down, you connect to yourself. And you don’t need an iPhone or a computer to do that. You just need to sit down mindfully and breathe in mindfully.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The day my ex-wife moved out was also the day when our dog moved out and when I was laid off from my bankrupt ex-company. It felt like everything around me had suddenly died. Many of our common friends and loved …

How I Found Peace and Self-Love After a Toxic Relationship

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“Bravery is leaving a toxic relationship and knowing that you deserve better.” ~Unknown

When my marriage ended, it left a huge void that I desperately needed to fill, and quickly.

Along with my divorce came the unbearable feelings of rejection and being unlovable. To avoid these feelings, fill the void, and distract myself, I turned to dating. And it turns out, it was much too soon.

What seemed like a harmless distraction soon became what I needed to feel wanted and loved. This was a way to avoid doing the harder work of learning to love myself instead of needing …

How Mindfulness Made Me an Empowered Introvert (and How It Can Help You)

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“Introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.” ~Jenn Granneman, The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World

Never at any point in my life did I think I was an introvert. I always thought I was just a regular kid flowing with life’s experiences just like everyone else, and there was nothing strange about me.

That was until I started being told I was too quiet, serious-faced, shy, and a nerd. I liked, and still do like, my own space and doing …

The Surprising Lesson I Learned About Why People Leave Us

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“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” ~Lao Tzu

While this Lao Tzu quote may sound familiar, I recently learned there is a second portion of that quote that often gets omitted.

“When the student is truly ready…the teacher will disappear.”

The first part of this quote was a healing anchor for me as I went through what I call a thirteen, or a divine storm.

In one year’s time, I went through a devastating divorce, was robbed, got in two car accidents, and lost a dear friend to a heart attack. I felt like I was watching …

Alone Doesn’t Have to Mean Lonely: How to Be Happy by Yourself

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“Sometimes, you need to be alone. Not to be lonely, but to enjoy your free time being yourself.” ~Unknown

First, let’s be clear, being alone is different than feeling lonely. The feeling of loneliness can arise even if you are not alone, or you can be alone and not feel lonely. It all comes down to the meaning your mind creates at that moment in time.

In my twenties being alone was something so triggering that I would find any distractions I could come up with to avoid it: partying, unhealthy relationships, constantly being on the go and busy… …

How Overthinking Ruined my Relationships and How I Overcame It

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“Overthinking ruins you. It ruins the situation. And it twists things around. It makes you worry. Plus, it just makes everything worse than it actually is.” ~Karen Salmansohn

I grew up with parents who believed a kid shouldn’t have friends and should be indoors always. Because of that, I never had real friends in my childhood, except those I met in school and church.

Since my early teenage years, loneliness has been my forte, and I have learned to pay too much attention to details. When people talk, I look at them, how they react, their facial expressions, etc. I …

The Benefits of Solitude and How to Get the Most from Your Alone Time

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“Understand that healing and growing can distance you from people who you once had a bond with, and it can also bring you closer to those who will heal and grow with you. The time in between can be difficult, but there is so much to learn in solitude.” ~ @themoontarot

There have been many occasions in my life where I’ve felt lonely. Some of these times I remember as incredibly painful; other times, I’ve relished in my solitude.

During some periods, I’ve even forced myself into seclusion, which comes easily to me as an introvert.

One thing all of …