Posts tagged with “self-care”
How I Get Through Hard Times Using Curiosity, Compassion, and Challenge
“Sometimes the worst things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~Unknown
Until I was thirty-seven, I thought I’d led a pretty charmed life: I had a supportive family and good friends, I’d done well academically, always got the jobs I’d applied for, and met and married the perfect man for me.
In 2013, when I was thirty-five weeks pregnant with my second child, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. My baby was induced at thirty-seven weeks, and my chemo started ten days later. In …
Why Your Anger Is the Key to Maintaining Your Boundaries
“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.” ~Henry Cloud
Late last night, I once again found myself unable to sleep, and boy was I angry. So, in order not to disturb my other half, who is always asleep the moment his head touches the pillow, I dragged myself off to the sofa. Once there, sat seething in the dark, I listened to my …
How Beating Cancer Helped Me Stop Being a People-Pleaser
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chadron
The hardest part of hearing the words, “I’m sorry, but you have cancer” at the age of thirty was knowing I had to tell my mother and my husband.
Why?
Not because I was afraid of their reaction, although it would be especially heightened since my father had died of cancer three years prior, but because I was going to take on a role I had never experienced before: a patient.
For me, being a patient equaled being dependent. Someone who was needy and …
Why Rest is the Ultimate Protective Gear in a Busy, Chaotic World
“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” ~Sydney J. Harris
No matter what airline you fly, there are safety instructions at the start of every flight that the flight crew goes over with everyone on the plane.
The important ones are also listed out on a card or brochure located in the seat back pocket in front of you. Besides letting you know where the exits are, there is always some version of the following statement: “In the event of a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically drop from the ceiling. Put your …
Movement, Stillness, and Insight: My 3 Daily Non-Negotiables for a Busy World
“Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.” ~Unknown
We live in a busy world. There is always something, or someone, fighting for our attention. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to lose the time we need for ourselves. The white space in our days is often the first thing to get squeezed out as demands on our time escalate.
To combat this pull to overwhelm, I decided to create a list of daily non-negotiables.
Having a list of non-negotiables means I get to control at least a …
How a Simple Morning Routine Helped Me Heal from PTSD and Grief
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” ~Frederick Douglass
In an eighteen-month window, I had a landslide of firsts that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I ended my first long-term relationship with someone I deeply cared for but did not love. She had borderline personality disorder, and I was not mentally strong enough nor mature enough to be what she needed in a partner. Within five minutes of me saying our relationship was over, she slit her wrist as we sat there in bed. This was the beginning of it all.
Drug overdoses, online personal …
How to Trust Yourself After the Trauma of Being Dismissed and Invalidated
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” ~Steve Jobs
I was a sensitive child growing up, and I felt everything deeply. Unfortunately, my childhood home was dominated by chronic tension, fear, and anger—not an ideal environment for anyone, let alone a perceptive and empathic child.
My father was rather authoritative and controlling, and he disciplined us harshly. I was raised to obey without questioning and punished for mistakes or not falling in line.
Love was only assumed but never shared, and so I grew up feeling alone, unsupported, …
How I Stopped Resisting Change and Embraced the Road Ahead of Me
“Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly.” ~Unknown
Change is constant, from small changes like trying a new hobby to big changes like making a drastic career move. Even though change is all around us, it can feel scary. While change could lead you to something great, there are a lot of unknowns with something new, and that can cause anxiety.
When I was younger, I used to embrace change. For example, each school year was a new and exciting experience.
But somewhere along the way, I started to resist change.
What Does Resisting
…
19 Techniques to Calm a Highly Sensitive Nervous System
“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” ~Timber Hawkeye
The sun is setting, the cold wind is gently blowing in my face. I’m sitting on a rock that’s about ten feet tall, overlooking the Peruvian city of Cuzco. I can hear dogs barking, groups of teenagers laughing, the low hum of traffic and the music blaring from cars in the distance. As it goes dark, the lights of thousands of houses begin to flicker on like fireflies.
I should be enjoying this picturesque scene, but I’m not. My …
How to Stop Reacting in Anger When You’re Triggered
“Freedom is taking control of the rudder of your life.” ~Yukito Kishiro
“What’s for dinner?” It’s a simple enough question. Yet it’s one that has made me lose my mind at my husband on more than one (or ten or twenty) occasions.
It’s not the question itself. It’s a valid question and one that needs an answer (at least by one of us).
A trigger of mine is being asked to answer a question when I’m already in the middle of something, feeling overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, or just sick of answering questions.
So then I snap and overreact.
I’ve come …
How Meeting and Re-Parenting My Inner Child Helped Me Love Myself
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” ~Oscar Wilde
The journey to meeting, loving, and re-parenting my inner child was a long time coming.
In 2018, I went through a devastating breakup. I’d been through breakups before. They suck, they hurt, some of them left me in deep abysses of sadness for a long time, but this one was something different.
I can honestly say I felt levels of pain I did not know were survivable for a human being. Many days, I did not want to survive; I couldn’t imagine continuing to be in that …
What No One Tells You About Setting Boundaries: The Good, Bad, and Ugly
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~Rumi
Three years back was the first time I dared to set a boundary and be assertive in a friendship, and guess what? She blocked me off her phone, and we stopped being friends.
It came as a rude shock because I was quite invested in the friendship. Not only did we have good times together, I had helped her search and find a job and even babysat her kid for a long while free of charge. I felt betrayed …
45 Simple Self-Care Practices for a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul
“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~Brian Andreas
Do you ever forget to take care of yourself?
I know. You’re busy, and finding the time to take proper care of yourself can be hard. But if you don’t, it won’t be long before you’re battered from exhaustion and operating in a mental fog where it’s hard to care about anything or anyone.
I should know.
A few years ago, I had a corporate job in London, working a regular sixty-hour …
How I Saved Myself by Surrendering When Everything Fell Apart
“And here you are, living despite it all.” ~Rupi Kaur
“I surrender!” I said this mantra out loud as my life was spiraling out of control.
I had spent a summer in college as a camp counselor separated from my fiancé. He sent me no letters and did not keep in touch. Still, I held on. By the time I came back home, we were broken. I had also realized he was emotionally abusing me. It took that separation to make me see it.
I realized I had been truly alone in the relationship. I was never lonelier than …
How to Create Happiness Outside of a Relationship and Enjoy More of Your Life
“Remember, being happy doesn’t mean you have it all. It simply means you’re thankful for all you have.” ~Unknown
For many years I was single. But I wasn’t just a regular single, I was a miserable one.
Rather than enjoying a time in my life when I didn’t have to care about anyone else but myself and using it to devote my full attention to my purpose and passions, I chose to ride the “woe is me” train.
I would complain about being single daily and covet other women’s “luck” in dating. I would blame every guy I dated …
Why We Need to Be Present to Enjoy Our Lives, Not Just Productive
“Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity. Ours is a culture that measures our worth as human beings by our efficiency, our earnings, our ability to perform this or that. The cult of productivity has its place, but worshipping at its altar daily robs us of the very capacity for joy and wonder that makes life worth living.” ~Maria Popova
I was high on productivity. I had one full-time job, two part-time jobs, and a side hustle. I was getting everything done. Sounds perfect, right?
Then I started hating my life.
I had read enough …
How 10 Minutes of Daily Meditation Can Calm Your Mind and Relax Your Body
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart.” ~Unknown
I began the morning with a meditation. After taking my dog out and brewing the coffee, I sat in my sunny living room, my little dog Frankie nestled beside me. I perched cross-legged, a blue pillow on my lap for warmth. I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breath.
When ten minutes passed, I raised my hands in appreciation. …
10 Things to Do When You Feel Sad, Hopeless, and Defeated
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” ~J.K. Rowling
I’m no stranger to feeling hopeless and defeated. After many failed relationships, physical, sexual and emotional abuse my entire life, two bankruptcies, and the recent loss of my online business (October 2020), you could say I’ve been through enough to last two lifetimes.
I’ll admit, there were many times I wanted it all to end. There were many days I just didn’t know how much more I could handle. My recent loss has devastated me beyond words. Everything I’ve worked so hard for in the last …
The 6 Personalities of People-Pleasing and How I Overcame Them
“The truth is, you’re never going to be able to please everybody, so stop trying. Remember, the sun is going to continue shining even if some people get annoyed by its light shining in their eyes. You have full permission to shine on.” ~Unknown
I used to be a rebel. I was the girl at the party who would waltz into a room and have everyone in awe, their attention and curiosity caught by my presence. I felt it, they felt it, it was magnetic. I loved it—I had become the girl I wanted to be.
That was until one …
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