Dear TeaK,

“just returned from holidays and feeling fine 🙂 ”   i hope you enjoyed your holidays ..

 

“Do you think they might prevent you from finishing your education (e.g. stop financing it) if you get married without their approval?”

 

No.they wont be able to stop me financially as i work part time  and manage my expenses myself . so i dont need to ask them .i dont Ask money from my family ,also because  i dont have good financial background there .

“What’s the worst that can happen if they don’t approve?”

 

the worst that can happen is that they can get  angry ,upset  and very disappointed ..As they would think i ruined the family name etc  because they scared “what will people say”?

Peace

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Peace.

Dear TeaK:

How are you ?

i read your last  post

Perhaps this helps you decide

yes it helped me understand the whole situation but i was still overthinking about all the situation.

 

“So you might be seen as a rebel, “ungrateful” daughter (at least in the beginning, till they get used to it)? How much does it disturb you?”

i hate to admit it but i always craved that love and attention from my family from Childhood ..i wanted to be a Good Sister and good Daughter so that i could be “Seen” , “heard” and paid attention to .i was very hungry for Love and being accepted .so i hope i could make my point why it effects me …

Although I have matured enough, to realize by my own experiences that such superficial thing doesn’t matter, but still. yes, there is a part of me who wants to be a good Sister/ Daughter.

I saw small changes on behalf of my sister about my Guy .she wanted to know his family, and it appeared to me a positive sign …i hope things get better without me going against them and being called a rebel.

Peace

Dear anita ,

thank you for your post .. i felt good knowing you were thinking about me . I was just checking tinybuddha and saw your thread..

regarding this Guy   .. actually i came in my hometown for vacation before two weeks .me and he decided to let our meet first ( so we planned it by bringing some of his goods as excuse to give his mom )  . So his mom came in our house yesterday .. she met me and my family ( her mom doesn’t know anything about our relationship  yet as i wanted the first meeting to be general meeting ,not as proposal ).it was nice meeting them (his family).

before this visit my sisters wanted to know them too .. my elder sis liked them as a person ( who doesn’t know about our relationship) and the sister who knew about us , was very friendly with them on meeting, was enjoying talking and telling stories i thought she likes them ..

so today she again asked me “Are you sure you want to marry him ? and she again said

“Life is yours but I advise u ,not to  marry him “ when i asked why she replied  : “ humari nasal karab hojaegii “ translation “ our family will be mixed and family name will be ruined “ because his mom also looked like mixed african …she further said :

“ people will laugh at us and talk bad about us that “ see which kind of person she married to “ and also that we ( my family )  always talked about  other family about this caste thing and now we are marrying them its disgrace etc . I then asked her “ why did you talk or critized about other people caste “ why did you guys discriminate and who told you to do ???”
she had no answer and then she said bcz we dint know one day we will be marrying this caste ..

it was very disappointing , heart breaking argument with my sis today .because she wants to me to find some one else and advised me to not marrying him just because of caste ..ignoring his all other good qualities ,about his character , responsible and how he treats and listens to me / care about me ..

Dear Anita ,

While you were writing me back and submitting your last thread i was discussing about same topic with my sister ..

in afternoon it was like a advise but now it feels like smthing else .

She was making alot of excuses to not to accept him .. by saying people will torture my family ..u will be in Europe but people will criticise us here .. and that our uncle wont accept this proposal .. people will make our life hell .. mom will be very disturbed etc ..

and she continued that i should wait and check him more like 2 years etc .. i told her i m sorry but i dont have energy to wait 2 years more ..

The only issue is caste according to her .. that my children will have curly hair ( actually i do have curly hair too ,i told her ) and it doesnt matter ..

yah its all about racism ,prejudice unfortunately ..

i understand her situation and whatever she is saying is reality but this should stop 🛑 now ..

should i go to Europe and marry there if the family wont like him ? Because my Guy asked me that if you think u dont want to include family then we would do that now and with time we will tell them ..

what should be the best thing to do ?

Dear Anita ,

thank you for your post ..today i just want to share whatever happening in my life right now ,so that i feel better ..

i would do that .. i do think it will be best thing to do ….
i have 2 siblings till yet , who are supporting me and the one who is against it … hopefully things get better… lets see

i hope you are doing fine .

i am not doing well  i was having sore throat and feeling low and went to a good specialist .. and he asked me if i have Anxiety out of nowwhere ?? Nd he suggested me anxiety tablets  (escitalopram) which are exactly the same formula which my doctors in Germany has suggested me before two years and   one month before .. ( citalopram )

however i started it once again ..feeling nausea nd more anxiety .. nd sick feeling ..

i was having social anxiety and dont like communicating with people alot .. i do ignore texts and dont want to pick people’s / friends call because it gives me uncomfortable feeling ..I used to be very social but now i dont want to …

Peace