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bad timing or patterns?

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Viewing 10 posts - 76 through 85 (of 85 total)
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  • #383427
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    “just returned from holidays and feeling fine 🙂 ”   i hope you enjoyed your holidays ..

     

    “Do you think they might prevent you from finishing your education (e.g. stop financing it) if you get married without their approval?”

     

    No.they wont be able to stop me financially as i work part time  and manage my expenses myself . so i dont need to ask them .i dont Ask money from my family ,also because  i dont have good financial background there .

     

    “What’s the worst that can happen if they don’t approve?”

     

    the worst that can happen is that they can get  angry ,upset  and very disappointed ..As they would think i ruined the family name etc  because they scared “what will people say”?

     

     

    Peace

     

     

     

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Peace.
    #383429
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear Anita ,

    “Thank you for your kind words of appreciation.I hope that you continue to rest and that your thoughts get clearer and clearer, and your feelings- freer and freer from fears and worries.

    you are welcome 🙂 yah i am doing that and its helping me ..i m trying not to be obsessed much and take things lightly sometime ..

    Peace 🙂

     

     

     

    #383430
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peace:

    I wish you to live up to your screen name: PEACE, to not obsess and to take things lightly!

    anita

    #383431
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Peace,

    No.they wont be able to stop me financially as i work part time and manage my expenses myself . so i dont need to ask them

    That’s great! You’re in a good position, you cannot be blackmailed. You can basically live and arrange your life as you wish, independent of their requirements.

    the worst that can happen is that they can get angry ,upset and very disappointed ..As they would think i ruined the family name etc because they scared “what will people say”?

    So you might be seen as a rebel, “ungrateful” daughter (at least in the beginning, till they get used to it)? How much does it disturb you? Perhaps it would help you to be aware that there is a part of you that wants to be a “good daughter”, who makes her family happy (a part that wants to be loved and accepted by your family). And there is another part, who wants to live her life freely and be happy with the person she loves.

    If you want to please your family, you need to sacrifice yourself and choose an unhappy life. If you want to choose your own happiness, you need to accept that you will cause some (although lesser) unhappiness to your family. So basically it’s your own deep, personal, day-in day-out lived happiness (as anita said) vs your family’s superficial and fleeting feeling of satisfaction because you did what they deem right. If you choose what your family wants, your life will be drastically worse. If you choose what you want, the life of your family won’t be drastically worse, in fact it won’t be worse at all. They might complain, but in all honesty, their life will be the same.

    Perhaps this helps you decide…

    #383499
    DatsLyfe
    Participant

    Hi Peace,

    No matter how romantic the guy is to you, if he’s financially irresponsible then your relationship with him will not work. It only works if he’s willing to make changes for the better. As time passes you’ll grow tired of his lack of responsibilities, and the frustration will outweigh whatever romantic gestures that he’s done for you. Based on your story it seems to me that he’s still immature. A lot of false promises. Move on if he’s unwilling to be more financially responsible.

    #386032
    Peace
    Participant

    hello Anita,

    I was just thinking about you ..

    just wanted to ask:  how are you and how u doing ?

    Peace

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Peace.
    #386034
    Peace
    Participant

    Dear TeaK:

    How are you ?

    i read your last  post

    Perhaps this helps you decide

    yes it helped me understand the whole situation but i was still overthinking about all the situation.

     

    “So you might be seen as a rebel, “ungrateful” daughter (at least in the beginning, till they get used to it)? How much does it disturb you?”

    i hate to admit it but i always craved that love and attention from my family from Childhood ..i wanted to be a Good Sister and good Daughter so that i could be “Seen” , “heard” and paid attention to .i was very hungry for Love and being accepted .so i hope i could make my point why it effects me …

    Although I have matured enough, to realize by my own experiences that such superficial thing doesn’t matter, but still. yes, there is a part of me who wants to be a good Sister/ Daughter.

    I saw small changes on behalf of my sister about my Guy .she wanted to know his family, and it appeared to me a positive sign …i hope things get better without me going against them and being called a rebel.

    Peace

     

    #386038
    anita
    Participant

    I am fine, Peace, how are you?

    anita

    #386044
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Peace,

    I am fine, thank you. I do have some chronic knee problems, but it’s still manageable.

    I saw small changes on behalf of my sister about my Guy .she wanted to know his family, and it appeared to me a positive sign …i hope things get better without me going against them and being called a rebel.

    Good to hear that your sister might be more open to accepting your boyfriend…

    i hate to admit it but i always craved that love and attention from my family from Childhood ..i wanted to be a Good Sister and good Daughter so that i could be “Seen” , “heard” and paid attention to .i was very hungry for Love and being accepted .so i hope i could make my point why it effects me …

    Although I have matured enough, to realize by my own experiences that such superficial thing doesn’t matter, but still. yes, there is a part of me who wants to be a good Sister/ Daughter.

    It’s good you are aware of it. I understand you don’t want to disappoint your mother and siblings, and want to be loved and appreciated. But I believe you wouldn’t want to pay the price of sacrificing yourself for their “love”. And if they can’t accept you for who you are, then their love isn’t true love either, but is burdened by expectations. Then they don’t see the real you but expect you to meet their image of who you should be.

    The solution is to love and accept yourself completely, to love your true self. Your true self includes your needs and desires, your goals and dreams, as well as your preferences for a life partner. So love yourself and your preferences, and it will be easier to deal with your family’s “disappointment”. If they truly love you and appreciate you, they will accept your choice of partner, and be happy for you.

     

    #386402
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peace:

    I was thinking about you today. On the previous page of your thread,, you wrote that the man you met in May this year asked you to marry him. You wrote about him: He is a great guy …he is the person with whom I’m having a healthy relationship, who listens to me ,care for me, doesn’t react when something doesn’t goes according to plan ,respects me and respects my space and boundary”-

    – What is happening with him these days.. are you anywhere close to marrying him?

    anita

Viewing 10 posts - 76 through 85 (of 85 total)

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