Friendzone ?

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This topic has 140 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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June 2, 2020 at 8:45 am #357194

Ralphy
Participant

Hi Daniel. I am new here. I was reading some of your posts in the beginning about D. Do you think she might have liked you and you took too long to do anything? That can be extremely frustrating for women, especially if she timed the kiss with your friend perfectly when you left. Obviously you would have came back and seen. That’s my opinion. Asking for mercy in love kills the whole thing.

June 4, 2020 at 5:58 pm #357582

Anady
Participant

I love my friends so much they are so funny and we love each other so much. We always go to travel and enjoy a lot. They all are a part of my life.

June 27, 2020 at 6:44 am #359713

Daniel
Participant

Welcome Ralphy !

I don’t think she might have liked me in a romantic way. It was more like the beginning of a friendship. For once, I don’t think it was a timing issue : taking too long to do anything or rushing things like I used.

Thinking back, the main issue for me to get in a relationship with D was probably that I didn’t give her “signals” that would tell her what I wanted. Like casually touching her shoulder while having a laugh with her. I was being friendly because I know how to act friendly but I still have things to learn when it comes to flirting.

Daniel

July 6, 2020 at 6:56 am #360744
Anonymous
Inactive
Hi Anita,

I’ve been looking for a place to my feelings. I guess I’ll do it here then. It’s about a girl. So I met this girl 7-8 months at the sports academy and we’ve been playing together since then. She’s always been by doubles partner. Slowly our relation went outside the court and we started hanging out fairly often. I really cherish her company and being with her made me understand what the phrase time flies means. Hours pass by and it looks like just a couple of minutes. I really love her with all my heart and I have really never felt the same for anyone else. But the thing is she is 3 years older to me and her family is looking for a boy for her and apparently they havef one. When I came to know this my heart just sunk. I felt hollow inside. I’ve been wanting to tell her what i feel since a long time but just don’t what she feels for me. We definitely are very close to each other and she cares a lot about me. I just don’t know whether this is just a friendship or something more. And the age factor confused me more. Just dont know whether I should take a step forward and ask her out. I’m too scared of losing what we have now if things don’t go well.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
July 9, 2020 at 11:44 am #360745

Anonymous
Inactive

Hi Anita

I‘ve been looking for a place to my feelings. I guess I’ll do it here then. It’s about a girl. So I met this girl 7-8 months at the sports academy and we’ve been playing together since then. She’s always been by doubles partner. Slowly our relation went outside the court and we started hanging out fairly often. I really cherish her company and being with her made me understand what the phrase time flies means. Hours pass by and it looks like just a couple of minutes. I really love her with all my heart and I have really never felt the same for anyone else. But the thing is she is 3 years older to me and her family is looking for a boy for her and apparently they havef one. When I came to know this my heart just sunk. I felt hollow inside. I’ve been wanting to tell her what i feel since a long time but just don’t what she feels for me. We definitely are very close to each other and she cares a lot about me. I just don’t know whether this is just a friendship or something more. And the age factor confused me more. Just dont know whether I should take a step forward and ask her out. I’m too scared of losing what we have now if things don’t go well.

July 9, 2020 at 11:56 am #361164

Tim
Participant

Hi Anonymous,

Be brave, if you don’t reveal your feelings for someone, can you really say you love them with all your heart? Loving wholly requires taking the risk to be vulnerable and risk rejection.

It may be just a friendship for her but if you don’t ask you’ll regret it. If she has found someone else then if you really do love her you’ll be hurt but ultimately want the best for her and her to be happy.

Tim

July 9, 2020 at 12:07 pm #361165

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Daniel:

If it is you who posted less than half an hour ago, addressing me, please let me know. I am confused by the post following “Anonymous, Inactive”.

anita

July 9, 2020 at 2:04 pm #361193

Daniel
Participant

Dear anita,

I didn’t write the post you seem to be refering to; the last I wrote is from June 27th.

By the way, I hope you’re fine.

I have two bigs news :

First, I eventually went to see a psychotherapist ! After all this time, I did it ! I have had two appointements for now and he seems fine. I don’t know if keeping on seeing him will eventually help me but at least I’m trying my best.

Second, I met a new girl. After a gig with my band, I walked towards a group of young people. One of them was struggling with his guitar and I offered my help. After a couple of minutes, I decided to spend the rest of the evening with his group of friends. Among them was a girl, let’s call her Y. I had a sweet evening and night with them. A week later, the guy with the guitar invited me to a party with his group of friends (including Y). I was a bit anxious but I eventually chose to go and met the group again. Y was there. I spend a nice time again with them. When it was time to leave, I left with Y. We talked for a few minutes on the way to the sub. Then we said goodbye and went our own way back home. At this moment, I wanted to send her a message to see her someday but only the two of us. As I was thinking about this, I got a message. From her ! She proposed me to see me again someday but only the two of us. Exactly what I was thinking at the moment ! A few days later, I saw her again. We ended up in a park and after maybe 2 hours sitting next to her, I eventually kissed her. I felt that it was meant to happen. And afterwards, she told me that she has been wondering if I would eventually kiss her haha (she has been waiting for me to do it). A few days later, I saw her again with the group. It was nice again being with them. Y and I ended up going to her flat. We had sex and it was a smooth and nice moment for the both of us. In the morning, we kissed goodbye knowing that the next time we see each other again is in a month due to our respective holidays. It may be for the best actually. I think about her every day but it’s different this time. I’m not crazy about her like I used to with other girls. It’s a feeling much more serene as though a part of my ego was gone. Maybe this time, I have a chance to create love for someone and to give it to her and to accept love from her. I’m not sure. I will let time do its thing.

Daniel

July 9, 2020 at 2:16 pm #361194
Anonymous
Guest
Dear Daniel:

It is nothing less than a delight for me to read your recent post! I am so glad to read that you had a positive experience with a young woman (Y), an experience of mutual interest and attraction. I like your attitude of letting “time do its thing”. It is a good thing that there is a month before you see her next. Do let time do its thing and post again anytime.

*Also, I am fine, thank you for asking, and I am glad to read that you are doing your best for yourself, and started seeing a psychotherapist, I hope this works well for you. Receiving your post today made my day!!!

anita
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by .
July 27, 2020 at 6:07 am #362829
preet
Participant
I know the feeling, and I really hope it works out for you, but remember, are you falling for her, or the image of her in your mind?

I also know how frustrating it can be when someone you care about doesn’t instantly reply. Remind yourself they can be busy. I would like to say, ten minutes to an hour for a response is quite good. As an adult with friends working completely different schedules [three office workers, two in call centres and the rest retail] having ten minutes to wait is bliss sometimes I have to wait four to eight hours and get a text that begins “sorry, work was crazy, I almost forgot to take my lunch.” Granted, I know that doesn’t help because in that time my anxiety-riddled brain can go bonkers.

I would still tell her how you feel so at least you’ll know and can stop living in this purgatory of “maybe, maybe not.” I would also look up some ways to avoid hyper-focusing and dwelling on an infatuation.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
August 9, 2020 at 11:49 am #364239

Daniel
Participant

Dear anita,

Here are some news :

I didn’t get to see Y the day we were supposed to meet. She told me that things are going too fast for her and that she needs more time before we see each other. I am supposed to see her when she comes back (on the 20th August).

Sadly, things didn’t go as expected. We were supposed to call each other today and she sent me a message telling me that she does not feel ready for a relationship, that she is too “unstable”, that she loves talking to me, that she’d like to stay friends with me.

I was and am still in shock. I really didn’t expect this. I feel devastated and once again, there seems to be some kind of curse around my love life. I can’t stand it anymore, I want this to end. I still can’t completely believe what she wrote to me. I cried a lot and still do, I feel angry as well. I can’t help but blaming myself. “What have I done wrong? What’s wrong with me?, Why do things keep happening that way?” I feel that Love is a major waste of time, energy and meaning in life but I know it is not. I’m alone at home and there’s no one I could see. She keeps taking too much time answering my messages and just told me that she’s out for eating this evening and that she will answer me later…lol

I think she may be afraid of commitment because she’s never been in a relationship. But to me, being afraid is the opposite of loving.

I feel a bit dazed.

Daniel

August 9, 2020 at 11:59 am #364241

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Daniel:

You posted today, Aug 9, exactly one month after your last post, July 9. Sorry to read that Y told you that she is not ready for a relationship. You met her four times, I think: twice within a group of people, another time you sat in a park together where you kissed her, and a few days later, you stayed the night in her flat, having sex for the first time. Unfortunately, it was a first and last time for the two of you, so it seems.

Did she tell you more about being “too ‘unstable'”- about what she meant by it?

anita

August 9, 2020 at 12:05 pm #364242
Daniel
Participant
Dear anita,

No, I don’t know what she meant by that and maybe will never know.

Daniel
- This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Daniel.
August 9, 2020 at 12:21 pm #364246

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Daniel:

I am sorry, Daniel. I know that you had a good time with her, especially that night in her flat, and you were hopeful for more. I can see why you feel devastated. I am disappointed myself, I was hoping for a better and longer future for the beginning relationship you shared about last month.

Maybe it will help you to understand more about what happened with her. If you want to share with me more details about your communication with her, what you talked about in the park and in her flat, how you parted on the morning after that night, please do, maybe something will occur to me and it will bring about more understanding.

anita

August 10, 2020 at 1:27 am #364277

Daniel
Participant

Dear anita,

Well, it’s very hard to try and understand what is in Y’s mind. I think she does not understand either. She wrote that she does not feel ready for a relationship (she has never been in one), that she doesn’t feel right about all of that and that she needs the “freedom” brought by being single. That she does not want me to have some false hopes about the future of this relationship.

She wrote that she would really like to keep seeing me with her group of friends, talking with me even though it would be as friends and nothing more. She wrote that the choice is mine, depending on what I want with her and depending on the way I would face seeing her again.

Here’s what I think : I think she’s afraid of being in a relationship. This is something new for her and she may be afraid to get out of her confort zone. She seems indeed unstable : one week ago, she told me that we would wait until she comes back and take it easy. So I’m asking : what happened in one week so that she changed her mind? I really don’t know.

Yet, things don’t really change for me. I still want to spend time with her and get to know her better. And maybe help her know herself better in the process. She seems to be very busy, I know she’s with her friends and I think that she does not take some time to think about herself.

It’s strange you know. In the beginning she seemed to be so interested in me. She was the one asking to see me and she was the one who sent me signals so that I would eventually kiss her.

Daniel
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