Home→Forums→Relationships→He left me for his Parents
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Noor.
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September 25, 2018 at 6:59 am #227401
AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
When he reaches out to you in the future, if he does, for some help, remind him that he has chosen his parents and therefore, he should reach out to his parents for help. Or his wife. He has made his choice.
anita
September 25, 2018 at 7:20 am #227405AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
Double posting, I just read the recent post about what about him appealed to you: he was excited about you, impatient, wanting to be with you, wanted you, you could see that you were important to him. That made you feel alive, needed, wanted. It does make us feel alive when someone desperately needs us.
“the way he comes running to see me”, does read like a boy, a child and not in a bad way, but in a good way, an excited boy, eager to see you. He really felt that way, eager to see you, needing to see you, desperate for you. You got used to it, to him being there: “Wherever I go whatever I do he’s just there with me”.
How could that change, you wonder, “I can’t imagine a person like him changed so fast”. If it did happen fast, seven years of attentiveness, then a sudden withdrawal- was it sudden, it was not a gradual withdrawal, a gradual loss of his passion and desperation to be with you?
anita
September 25, 2018 at 8:01 am #227417
rishaParticipantYes Anita it was a sudden change thats whats bothering me a lot. How can he decide to please his parents so suddenly. Im still suffering. I have no answers to anything. He left me clueless
Risha
September 25, 2018 at 8:09 am #227421AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
It was sudden. It may be that his need for you is not gone then, that he will be back looking for you after he gets married, if not before. I read stories here about men who seek the women they loved after their arranged marriages (marriages their parents approved of). So it may happen. If it will, what will you do?
anita
September 25, 2018 at 8:40 am #227427rishaParticipantHi Anita i dont think so that he will come back. And this is purely not a proposal thst his parents brought. He has been chatting n associating this girl for 5-6 months while he was acting the same way with me. I dont knw how he could do that. When he told me about this girl he also told that this girl is aware of me n she has scolded him saying what hes doing is wrong coz 7 years is too long. She saw my pic and even called me ‘sweet’ i really dunno how far these stories are. What he has told her is that due to parents issues it didnt work.
Can people change their feelings towards someone else so fast Anita? The person who was madly in love with me now doesnt care even to see if im alive or dead.
No Anita i dont think he will come back to me coz hes guilty. But even if he does its a no from me coz he broke my trust. We had issues so many we have argued i cannot say im super petfects in this relationship coz there were times i treated him bad also but thats bcoz i purely wanted a solution to our relationship apart from that I have never cheated him with another man. I actually cant do that couple of months back i did tell him twice that i dont think i can lovr or marry anyone else.
But even after telling that he left me. But he in the other hand did cheat me with a girl. Thats unbearable. And the last meet the way he said goodbye the way he told me tbat he cant help if i get hurt but he has no choice to take his parents side. All these have hit me hard.
As mentioned earlier i wont to dissappear from his life totally Anita where he can never find any details about me. If i shut all communication modes n if i move out from my country he would never come to know what happened to me unless i chose to stay connected which i wont.
No matter what it will be very hurtful for me to see him with someone else.
Risha
September 25, 2018 at 9:59 am #227439AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
You wrote about him earlier: “he always wanted a kushi life with no struggle no stress spending lavishly and a bit of a show off.. I have helped him so many ways. Even financially”. You wrote about his girlfriend: “his girl is 28 and a well qualified professional… I feel he can do good in life and his life will be sorted with this girl coz he’s not very stable in life yet. So most probably that also would have been the reason to move out for his own benefit”-
This may be the answer to your question in your most recent post (“Can people change their feelings towards someone else so fast..?”)-
It may be that a big part of his feelings toward you have been about you being way more financially stable than him. After all, it is an emotional motivation, to gain financial security, to make up for his financial lack via association with a woman who does better than him.
He found a replacement then, if I am correct, a younger woman (to satisfy his parents’ requirement) and a woman who is financially stable. He feels safe now via association with her when in the past he felt safe via association with you.
What do you think?
anita
September 25, 2018 at 10:46 am #227453rishaParticipantYes Anita thats what i felt too. He would have felt his life is sorted with her parents will be happy and that makes him happy. Looks didnt matter to him as long as he get to spend a comfortable stress free life.
But he didnt care for me when he took that decision. He knew the sacrifice i did to him n his family but yet didnt care as how i would feel. It hurts a lot Anita. Can anyone hurt someone that they love so much.
I feel a lot of pain. I dont want to blame him but he could have ended this up in better way.
I felt as if he threw me into the bin. He forgot all what i did to him. How i stood by him at all his good n bad times.
Its ok i cannot do anything about it coz he chosed what he wants in life.
If he and his family then thats fine. I think i will totally disconnect him from everything and I hope God would help me to heal me fast n give me the strength to move on.
Anita u have been a great strength to me i wish i had someone like u close by to console me.
Risha
September 25, 2018 at 11:00 am #227459AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
Thank you for your kind words in that last sentence. If I was there with you, I would console you, making you hot tea perhaps, or a cold lemonade if it is hot out. We would sit and talk and that would be so nice, I am thinking.
You asked: “Can anyone hurt someone that they love so much”?- my answer: depending on who is doing the loving. The meaning of the verb to love is all about who is the person who is doing the loving. If the person is self centered, then you get a.. self centered kind of loving. If the person is considerate, you get a considerate kind of loving… If the person is angry, you get an angry kind of love and so on and on.
His new girlfriend, to be his wife perhaps, she will get his type of love, self centered. She will also get his bad advice, the same kind you didn’t benefit from. I suppose she will also get his bad words and excuses and so forth.
anita
September 25, 2018 at 11:09 am #227467rishaParticipant‘If I was there with you, I would console you, making you hot tea perhaps, or a cold lemonade if it is hot out. We would sit and talk and that would be so nice – wow it sounds great i would definetely recover fast. Thanks for ur kind words.
Perhaps maybe she too will have to experience the same or maybe who knows he might change himself later on. Whatever it is the pain frustration and betrayal that im going thru is terrible.
But i have to forgive and forget. End of the we’re not gonna take anything from this world except for our good deeds isnt it ?
September 25, 2018 at 11:17 am #227471AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
You are welcome. And I would enjoy sitting with you talking, I like you.
I wouldn’t “forgive and forget” not the forget part, for sure. Better remember and learn so we don’t repeat, so we can evaluate people better and make better choices.
Betrayal hurts a whole lot. Because when you trust someone, you don’t expect that person to turn against you, or leave you. You don’t expect it and are in shock when that happens!
I am sorry that you were betrayed and that you are hurting. It will get better for you though. Who knows, maybe life would get much better for you than if he stayed in your life. Now that he is gone, good things can happen.
anita
September 25, 2018 at 11:29 am #227473rishaParticipantYes thats what im feeling right now n it hurts me. Going to office is my other problem coz it seems like finding diffucult to cope up the situation with all the memories.
Anyways its quite late for me right now Anita. Only few more hours left to get some sleep. I will get in touch with u tmrw. Take care
Risha
September 25, 2018 at 12:12 pm #227481AnonymousGuestDear Risha:
I hope you are sleeping well. I too will soon be getting away from the computer and back in about 15 hours.
anita
September 25, 2018 at 2:35 pm #227505rishaParticipantHi there. Just woke up today with a doubt in mu mind. After he told me that he’s going to marry this girl do u think it was a good idea for me to go and meet him for the last time and ask him to change his mind and marry me?
Thats bothering me a lot Anita. If i did the right thing? At thatoment why i did that was coz i didnt want any regrets later on thinkinh i never tried to stop anything.
I actually went witu a lot of hopes thinkinh i can get him change with a trust he would never say no and never leave me. But the way we reacted, the way he spoke, and finally his answer sayin No to me…everything was w schocked for me.
I always thougjht he will do some justice to our love.
I know now its gone n no point talking abput it. But now why did i have question wether meeting him was a right choice. Have i hurt myself badly bcos of this ?
September 25, 2018 at 3:55 pm #227513
MichelleParticipantHi Risha – I know you are still in the throws of this as it recently happened. I feel you need to do some meditation. I feel you need to make concerted efforts to distract your mind right now and perhaps find some inner peace this way. What happened has happened and there is no changing it. You only have the present and the future. Asking questions like “what if” or “do you think I did the right thing” will not change the situation. What’s done is done. It’s a harsh reality for someone going through heartbreak – I completely get this – but you need to take small steps in moving forward and put your own self-interests first. As someone who went through this, I will tell you that you need to think about who you want to be in one year, five years and ten years and then journal about how you plan to get there. Don’t focus on him and what is done. Focus on the future and the promise of all it can be.
There are a number of websites where I’ve read similar stories from hundreds of women who’ve been left for an arranged marriage. It’s a “thing”. While each story is unique, there is always a common thread that runs through the stories. Reading these and reflecting on this really helped me in my own situation because it made me realize that this wasn’t about ME. It wasn’t about me not being pretty enough or smart enough or nice enough. It was about something much bigger – a culture where this is the standard and a man who wasn’t true with his intentions towards me. Once I realized this, I focused on HIS lack of character and his deceitful nature and I decided that I was way too good for him. I deserve honesty and love. So do you.
If you want links to these websites, I can provide them. It may be illuminating to read similar stories and realize you aren’t alone in the world regarding this situation.
September 25, 2018 at 8:25 pm #227537rishaParticipantHi Michelle,
Thank you very much for your advise and I know what you’re saying is true. I am really trying hard to come out of this mess but day by day its becoming difficult for me.
I don’t like to come to work, unable to concentrate on anything, I keep crying when I am traveling, working, wherever I am each and every moment tears are flowing. This is truly not me Michelle. I use to be a very confident independent and a strong person. Now I am seeking help from each & everyone. My family has been very supportive to me and I have one best friend whom I could share anything and everything. Apart from them – YOU and Anita has been a great support to me and I love reading your advices.
I am trying my best Michelle, I really need a big change in my life but me been 39 is also making me depressed I feel if I m too late to do anything. I really cant think of marriage or dating coz I know I cannot change my mind towards someone that fast. it will take a long time for me to forget him so I don’t know if I would ever be able to get married coz I’m already old.So
So my only option is to pursue my higher studies somewhere out of my country but I have small issues with regard to same bcoz of my age and I have a study gap which would be a disadvantage for me.
Anyway I’m trying my best to work on that but I’m very scared if that doesn’t work I have no other option except to work here at the same place. Actually I’m working in a well reputed place and drawing a good salary nothing to complain but I have no peace here. The memories etc. So that’s why I’m planning to move out.
Yes appreciate if you can share some links with me whenever you’re free.
Thanks again and tc
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