Hello all and hello to any of you that followed me from my other thread.

Well, long story short.  Dated someone for about 7-8 months, then she moved in.  She has two kids. boy 7rs and girl 9 yrs.  FULL TIME.  No daddy in the picture.  She transferred them from their school to my kids school.  My kids are girls, 8 and 12 btw. and I have them 50/50 week on/week off.

Since she moved in, her job she did have screwed her and scheduled her for sunday thru thursday night from 4PM to 3am.  and they converted her to salary.  Money was still decent, however i became full time single daddy to her kids( that’s what it felt like).  And we hardly saw each other…  Well we ended up decided that she needed to leave that place.  So she did before xmas.  She had a good job prospect lined up that would of been mostly day shift mon-fri.  perfect!  not as much money, but worth the change.

Well that job hasn’t hit yet.  still waiting on them to get their shit together.  Meanwhile she found a part time job, min. wage plus tips.  So basically she makes just enough for her gas, smokes, ect…  I’m now paying all of her bills and all household bills.  Just to back up a little, when she originally moved in, i helped her with her bills then too.  She was a month behind on her car payment and over balance on some credit cards.  I got her all fixed up.  Now she is current on everything.

I have spent quite a bit of $$ helping her out.

Now comes for the part where i “ruined her life”  or at least I feel like i am in the process of it.

The place she was living before was her mom’s rental.  She only had to pay $650 a month for rent, electricity is cheaper there, ect.  It was just down the block from her parents house, and close to a friends.  So she had help when needed with her kids(daycare).  She actually had a pretty good set up there.  The problem was that we wanted to see more of each other and being 20 minutes apart and her having kids full time and me every other week, it made it difficult.  We thought moving in would be good.  Now that she has moved in , her brother and his family took over the rental she was in.  So she has nowhere inexpensive to go now.

heres some info on how much my girlfriend loves me.  Well I had a pretty heartbreaking break up with my ex-girlfriend before I met my current girlfriend.  So, on and off through the last 8-9 months I have been texting my ex.  really confusing me.  My current girlfriend found out a couple times and is still with me.  I have recently since the new year blocked and ceased all contact with my ex.  Trying to focus on my current relationship, instead of dwelling on what I once had.

My girlfriend is an amazing woman with a huge heart.  She has made it clear that I’m “the one” for her.  She loves me till the end and would do anything for me.

Then here I am.  feeling like a jerk because I know how I “should” feel about her. And I don’t.  I do love her, but am I “in love” with her like someone should be?  Sometimes i feel it, but a lot of the time i don’t.  I don’t know if it’s because of the financial situation we are in now because of her employment, or if it’s because her kids are a handful.

quick note about her kids.  her son has serious issues.  I have never seen a kid act this way.  there are times he just flips out over something that is nothing.  an example is his sister was in the living room watching the show that he put on and he got crazy pissed and threw a tantrum because she was watching his show!  WTH???  Seriously, i’ve had to pick him up and carry him out of a restaurant before kicking and screaming because he was screaming at the top of his lungs over nothing.  My girlfriend is trying to find counseling and possibly medication for him now.  Her daughter…  She is a sweetheart, however there is no talking to her.  She has something to say about everything and if  you were to agree with her, she would argue with you about that.  She is selfish and acts like a little queen snob a lot of the time.  Both her kids argue and yell to their mom, they both back talk.  both kids are very disrespectful.

My girls aren’t angels.  But they know not to back talk, they share, they will do what I ask, and anywhere we are, they know if I’m serious and will stop and be quiet.

It’s very hard for me and my girls to adjust to her kids full time.

So back to my dilemma.  I really believe if her kids weren’t such a handful and she was independent financially so that she could pay her own shit, and help out with some household expenses that maybe that would help me feel differently.  I feel between everything that has happened with her work, kids, ect.  It has made it now so that i have no patience and the littlest thing gets under my skin.

So now we are waiting for her tax return and for that hopeful job to hit.  With her taxes we plan on paying off all her credit cars so the only bills she would have left are her car payment., car insurance, and cell phone.  then I was hoping that job took off and she would be able to save a good amount from taxes.

My thought is this.  If things aren’t better by the end of march, then I’m going to ask her to leave.  I do love her and hate the idea of hurting her and especially her kids!  They have been through a lot in their lives and not having a father or father figure until me.  Then if we separate…  How devastating is that to her children?  I know if it’s not going to work it’s better then subjecting them to a mess of us living together.  But still…  I feel like shit about the whole thing.  I know now that we should have waited another 6 months or more before living together.  Hindsight right?

Another thing that is now a problem is that my 12 yr old pulled me aside recently and told me that she is uncomfortable at home now.   That my girlfriends kids are too much for her and she feels stress and tension all the time.  She pretty much said she doesn’t want them there anymore.  GREAT!  I had  a good talk with her about me and her doing more things, just the two of us or with her sister.  And about us trying to do more family things all together and maybe that would help.  Again, i will give it time.  But if nothing changes then…  One thing is that she was super excited for them to move in too.  I made it a point to ask her and her little sister several times because i wanted to make sure they were okay with it.

So here I am…  I feel guilty for uprooting my girlfriend and her kids.  Feel guilty if we do end it because I now feel like i’m abandoning her and her kids.  I feel guilty for my kids now because of how they feel at home now.  I feel miserable at times because my life went from having fun and doing fun things every other weekend or more to being broke and trapped at home taking care of 3 more people.  I don’t know anymore.  I want to do the right thing, but i don’t want to ruin lives and hurt people either.

thanks for listening…