Having “those feelings” would make you calmer?

This answer makes me think of advertizements on TV 📺 (when I used to watch TV 12 years or so ago): if you buy/ have this or that you, you’ll be happy!

What if you rest in what-is: in what you feel when you do, in what you don’t feel and be okay with it.

In other words, radically (as in completely) accept what is and what you feel?

🤢 Anita (👍 this emoji!)

Hey Dopamine Deprived (DD) Confused:

The empty and pointless feelings- don’t push them away, don’t fight them.. breathe them in. There’s a possible transformation in doing just that.

🤢 => 🙂 Anita

Therapist also told me to slowly reduce relief-seeking behaviours (forums, feelings monitoring).

Well, she said to reduce activity in forums where i seek relief which is mostly reddit, so i think im gonna stick around for a little longer haha

I am trying since i left her office today, i feel “x” and my mind starts the analyzing but i try to change the thought. She said to just acknowledge it and why it happens (for example: i felt sad because i missed her and stop right there, not analyze why or how much i missed her and what that means, because this leads to spirals)

Well, i woke up in 12th november feeling the repulsion in my stomach as soon as i read her message, then panicking AF, so i put up a “show” trying not to hurt her until i figure things out. But i couldnt do it, so i confessed in 14th (ocd confession compulsion?) and ofc she got scared and hurt, so she pulled back hard. We decided to take a break for things to calm down but 5 days later i was missing her like crazy so i texted her and she told me that just me messaging her caused her one of the strongest panic attacks that she had in years. In that moment i felt like trash and i told her “i am very sorry for that, but imagine me telling u my issues and opening up and then u saying this”, felt like i was on the floor and she was kicking me. 10 days later while we were arguing again, trying to figure out what we should do, if we’re gonna meet, etc, i said something that triggered her (i dont remember what, but i didnt do it on purpose) and she said “im gonna erase u from my life as if i’ve never met u”. In that moment i felt an extreme pain in my stomach and i told her that i can’t perceive her as a “safe space” now and it’s ok to end things if she’d like, to which she panicked because she wasnt expecting that. (10 days later i flew out to meet her haha)
So idk if that played a big part but consciously i dont blame her since all this started because of me and she was just protecting her feelings.

Today we got into a bit of an argument because she was feeling unheard and that i dont take her feelings into consideration and i told her we can talk when she feels ready and i’ll be there for her, i felt emotional and i told her “love u” in the end but then immediately regretted it and panicked a bit because i started questioning myself “why did i say that? i wasnt feeling it 100% (even tho i was crying the other day), i will lead her on, i will hurt her” and so on, to which she replied “did u mean that or will u make me punch u?” (jokingly ofc) and i thought “why wouldnt i mean it? do i mean harm to her? no, do i want her to be happy? yes, would i do things for her? of course, was i feeling like kissing/hugging her some days ago? yeah” so i told her that i meant it and then she proceeded on confessing her own love for me, how she feels and she said that if she feels that im angry at her (which ive never been), its like something gets ripped out from within her..and in that moment i cried and imagined me holding her face in my hands, looking deep in her eyes and kissing her, but this lasted for like 30 seconds and i instantly flipped to discomfort and flight mode 🙁

I also listened to a song that she sent me on my birthday today and i keep crying to it.

Anita, what is happening to me? its all so confusing haha, sorry for the long post

Yeah reddit is chaos compared to u here. While u can find some useful things indeed, the ROCD is never satisfied. Therapist suggested i dont cut all off at once, because i might replace them with something else. Rather go 1 by 1.

I am gonna try but i have to admit it feels hard. She said that i only have to start doing it for a minute at a time, not try and do it for too much. (noticing the feelings/thoughts)

I dont think we were abusing each other, rather the opposite, at least for me. I dont wanna hurt her and sometimes that makes me wanna bolt!

We try to be mindful and respectful towards each other, even tho sometimes we get bitter and our avoidance gets in the way, she shuts down, i pull back and we trigger each other, but we started giving it a name and mention when it comes up and we feel like taking space. Even though i still have a really hard time setting boundaries and asking for space. Today i offered her space to get her head straight without having to worry that i’ll leave her but she said she doesn’t need it and thanked me for offering.

Ah.. The dreams and things i was planning for us.. Wanted to take her to so many romantic places/dates and do so many things but now i can’t feel a thing when thinking of them, not an ounce of excitement or dopamine. I can’t even imagine them, all i see is a black void. I feel like if this doesn’t work out with her, i am done with dating..

U think? Can this really happen and feel so real like my love is gone? Now i had an image in my head of me & her sitting in a car somewhere in her country, me looking at her and smiling.. but it feels so distant, then it disappears and i feel like i am fooling myself & her, like im gaslighting or forcing feelings 🙁

* You mentioned fawning…

Hey Night Owl 🦉 Confused:

I pray 🙏 to God every day: rationally I don’t believe in God, but emotionally I have to.

I am imagining right now the two of you living together: three rooms are needed: one that’s your private room, another that’s her private room, and a third where the two of you meet.

No, no, too many rooms. Only 2 are needed: one for when the 2 of U spend nights together and another room for when either one of you needs alone time.

Then a kitchen and a living room.

Or, if you can’t afford a kitchen+ 3 rooms, then there need to be a sign that says NITM2T2A (not in the mood to talk to anyone). Abbreviated: NA.

There can be simple solutions to complex problems depending on budget

🤔 🤢 🙂 Anita