Hi Tannhauser.

Apols for the delay in getting back, have been away travelling for the night. I also wanted to spend some time reading more about this experience in order to try to better understand.

Thankyou for sharing that, realise it must have been quite scary opening up on a subject you are well aware will seem strange to most, hard to accept, so thankyou for sharing. Whilst it’s good to hear you reached out to your local parish priest I’m not too surprised they weren’t equipped to deal with your situation. The Catholic faith in particular is not exactly renowned for it’s acceptance or even tolerance of anything outside its own teachings. Like anything in life though, what matters is what you believe and value, not what others do. A lot of people’s pain lies with spending their time trying to convince others to believe the same as they do, in order to make themselves feel more secure.

So it is not surprising you will meet resistance if you focus on convincing others of your truth – what matters now though is getting to a state where you are able to exist with it yourself.  I wanted to share this first link of another Kundalini experience/survivor – as it was one of the ones I read that jumped out to me as offering a pragmatic path through.

https://karaleah.com/2018/10/suggestions-on-what-to-do-if-youve-had-a-kundalini-awakening/

What I thought stood out in her story is the importance of looking after yourself first, in order to be able to live with this experience.  Being in the best physical shape you can be, eating well, cutting back on the booze, spending time outside, ideally in nature etc – all the stuff that helps us all be strong. It sounds like you will need to be as strong as you can be to get through this, so anything you can do to start a healthy routine is going to help you retain your sense of self whilst you accept this change.

This second link is not such an easy read but an illuminating one from a science perspective of what is happening in your brain whilst these experiences occur. I thought this one was reassuring from seeing how other people have had similar experiences and come through it ok.

https://medium.com/s/spirits-in-your-brain/how-does-neuroscience-explain-spiritual-and-religious-experiences-3ef8c2f50339

I hope they are of some use/interest. I think the big thing for you is going to be to find a way to live with this and look to build the protection of a small ‘Tannhauser’ space whilst you go through the change. If everything you have believed in through your life has let you down, you are going to have to rebuild your own sense of self. It is not that different to any other major life disruption – people have gone through and survived and even thrived, eventually.  Is there something or someone who particularly makes you feel grounded, makes you feel safe?

All the best,

Michelle

Hi Tannhauser,

I would like to have a better understanding of the first experience of the “Kundalini Horror”.

Can you describe to me in greater detail:

1. What were you doing when the energy start?

2. What was your state of mind at the time (ie. emotionally, thoughts, intent, etc.)

3. Can you describe the energy flow (where did it start from? Top of the head? where at the top of the head? Where did it flow to? At what stage did the pain start to occur and after how long when the energy started?  Can you describe where the pain was, how long it lasted?)

Terence

Hi Tannhauser,

I would like to say, that you have not only suffered but continue to survive through this ordeal that has been ongoing for over 2 years and counting!  I don’t know how I could have survived it.

How I analyze issues are to identify if they are one or a combination of the following: spiritual, physical or delusional.  From what I can feel and observe from all your explanations, I don’t think the root of the issue is delusional nor physical.  They are of the spiritual and/or invisible realm.

The reason I asked about the symptoms is to validate what I suspect the issues are.  I have known others that have had very similar experiences.  In fact, I personally have experienced this for decades. For example, in the past, when I walk in a mall or anywhere with crowds, I almost immediately feel exhausted, and my mind starts to dull on me.  Then it leads to tightness of all my muscles and pain throughout my body.  My symptoms are not even close to the intensity and horror that you have described.

From the Chinese context, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), there is a major meridian point on the crown of the head.  Imagine if you draw a line vertically up and over from the tip of your left ear over the top to the tip of the right ear, at the top and middle point on the line is the location of the meridian point.  It’s called the “100 points meridian”.  And that’s considered a major entry point of energy into the body.

One caveat before I continue – my explanation of the concepts may not be completely accurate, due to the need to generalize for conciseness and simplicity.  Based on the threads and the symptoms you explained this is what I suspect:

In the invisible or spiritual realm, you are absorbing the “negative” energy that people have built up, from mental and physical sicknesses and emotions.  By “negative” I mean detrimental to the stability of a person’s mind and/or body.

Can you describe to me where these downloads typically occur? Ie. At home? At Church? In malls?  Are there people in proximity to you?

It’s not surprising that you feel those extremely negative effects to your mind, emotions, body.   You are taking in way too much of other people’s worst crap.

One way to conceptualize this is to think of your body, mind, spirit being disjointed, unable to communicate between each other.  Because of this lack of unity, when you are put through the extremes (ie. Negative energy downloads or extreme emotions), cracks start to appear. If a car is designed well with the engine, body and suspension/wheels tightly integrated, then it can handle greater speeds and extreme road conditions and last for decades.  If it’s a shoddy design, assembly and integration, it’s going to easily fall apart without too much mileage.  By practicing, through knowing oneself, to unify one’s body, mind, spirit, then one can re-engineer each component so that it can be more polished and work in better unison with the other components of one’s self.   Over time, this will stabilize one’s mind and body.  And from that process, more wisdom will arise through greater integration with one’s highest self – one’s spirit.

There are a number of things that need to be done to stabilize your situation.  And they have to be tackled one at a time.  And they cannot be resolved overnight.  As I have mentioned earlier, I have had similar experiences and observed this in others. And I have gone through the process of stabilizing myself and guiding others to stabilize as well.  I don’t want to give you false hope, as this process requires time and effort.  If you are open to my suggestions, you can give them a try.

The first thing to tackle is to how to deal with the overabundance of this energy or “Chi” that’s going into you and causing chaos.  After or during the onset of the energy download, go touch a tree that is rooted to the earth.  (not a potted tree).  Big is good.  To the best of your ability and within reasonable limits, find a tree that has the least number of pedestrians walking by or in proximity.  Have both palms touching the tree trunk or sit down with your back against the tree trunk.  Do this for at least 5-10 minutes or until the download finishes and you feel you have passed all that negative energy out of you.  During this time, have the intention that you will pass the negative energy in you to the tree.  And the following is a very important point – perform this only during daylight.  The optimal time is early in the morning anytime from 5am-7am.  But anytime while the sun is out is still ok.  It isn’t as effective, but will still have some positive effects.  Don’t perform this at night as the reverse flow of energy will occur.  The negative energy that the tree has absorbed and accumulated from people walking past it will then pass onto you.  If your energy download begins at night time, unfortunately, you will have to wait until 5am to pass the energy to a tree.

Give that a try and let me know how you feel.  And if you feel it works, and open to it, I can suggest the next steps.

I wish you all the best…

Terence

Hey Tannhauser,

Wanted to see how you were coping, given how much stress and fear you are living with currently.  It looks like you now have some advice from people with experience with this – I hope you have found it helpful and more relevant for you, how did you get on with Terence’s first suggestion?

Everything I read about it, especially the first link I shared with you spoke to how often they were also disbelieved or mis-diagnosed. And why it was so important to find a mentor who can help you through it, so hopefully both Terence & Abnavaya can provide such. But I wanted to let you know I’m still here to listen and help support when and how I can.

Best wishes,

Michelle

You sound exhausted. I am sorry to hear you are still suffering. Is there anything in particular in addition to your existing suffering that has happened?

It is brave to reach out for help. Please do continue to do so and we’ll be here for you as we can.

Tannhauser,

Where to begin — apologies in advance for the small book.

I’ve gone back and read many of your posts and definitely empathize with a lot of the frustration you’ve had.  While my awakening was not truly spontaneous because I was engaged in some yogic practice, heavy bouts of meditation, and cannabis use — I had not intended for it to occur. There’ve been plenty of times since then where I’ve had that exact same feeling of wishing it could all go back to the way it was, looking into how to stop the process, damning the divine, as well as experiencing suicidal ideation.

I had a bout last month where I was unable to sleep for a few weeks due to energetic phenomena moving through me particularly at night and loud ‘psychic’ sound heard in my head (called the nada, shabd, the word, etc) and began attempting to self-medicate heavily with alcohol just to fall asleep. This lack of sleep, the alcohol and my general attitude made this a lot more difficult than it had to be. After a certain point, I realized I had to give surrendering to it a shot and the intensity became dulled and I’ve become more used to the sound (and now use it as an object of meditation).

Suffering = Pain x Resistance

It’s not my intention to be trite with this statement, which I could have easily read it as when I was struggling. There are numerous ways to lessen the resistance.

A few of the big ones I recommend are:

• Sattvic Diet, or at the very least paying close attention to how your body and mind feel with your current diet. Reduce or eliminate any stimulants or depressants.
• A practice working with subtle energy: Hatha Yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, martial arts disciplines which focus upon subtle energy/chi (Kung Fu/Ninjitsu/etc) are but a few options.
• Bodywork (Massage/Acupuncture) and Energy Healing modalities.
• Serious self care. Self-massage, hydrotherapy — salt baths, etc.
• Therapy. I know this has been mentioned before and don’t particularly recommend conventional psychoanalytical practitioners or much of Western medicine as they may, lacking sufficient context, aim to throw you in a white padded cell or at best misdiagnose you. However, there are many folks out there who are working with people going through spiritual crises/awakening which are going to be better equipped to help out. A large number of them are open to providing services remotely as well if you’re unable to find one you click with locally.  You may want to look into transpersonal or depth psychology as these are either geared towards viewing healing from a spiritual angle or rooting out some of the deeply buried issues we hold onto which create energetic blocks and complicate this process.
• Meditation. Again, mentioned before and I saw it was dismissed at the time — but it seems to smooth things out as it were. There’s a ton of different modalities to choose from, and I like to point folks toward Yoga Nidra who have no or limited meditation experience to start with. There are a lot of guided versions available which I haven’t used personally as well as many yoga studios offering clinics.
• PMA. Can’t be understated, but even knowing this I’ve had to work through some of this nonsense until I could actually “feel” positive. There’s really so much to this and I don’t always have a firm grip on it myself.

I can also speak to previous interests falling away, as many of them have and I’ve become more focused on spirituality and understanding this phenomena, myself, and where I’m going with it. A few months prior to this awakening, I would have considered myself an atheist or agnostic and didn’t give anything of this sort much thought. Definite epistemological & spiritual crisis began to unfold in the first few months following my awakening. I also quit a lucrative job/career recently because I was uninterested in continuing work in it consistently and it was a source of stress I didn’t need. Alignment is key here considering how much time/mindspace is spent on it.

I think your interest in music may return, potentially when you’re less stressed. If there’s anything that seems to consistently work with people it’s harmonic resonance — especially with sacred music.

I’ve seen Kundalini characterized as demonic by Christians before, and while I suppose it’s understandable, I do believe it to be incorrect. I am still more than a bit reticent to recommend people look into triggering an awakening unless they know what they’re in for and have adequate support systems in place. Yes, it’s referred to as the serpent — but I think this concept is widely misunderstood or aligned too closely with Satan. We see this serpent in the the staff of Moses, the twin serpent in the caduceus, the DNA strand, and many, many other places. Obviously volumes more to unpack here, but I haven’t spent time recently thinking about it. In any case, I think it will be unproductive to frame this process as being possessed as this will create and maintain a huge amount of resistance.

As you have a Catholic background, there are numerous biblical references/allusions to Kundalini and the chakras. I would be surprised if most Saints, Christian Mystics, or Gnostics didn’t have similar ‘energetic phenomena’, whether it was gradually through prolonged spiritual practice or that of Kundalini. But, my heart seriously goes out to you and the lack of support you’ve found in your spiritual institutions which were unequipped to properly counsel you through this process.

Wish you the best.