Dear Felix,

I wanna take masters because i wanna feel an accomplishment for myself as there are only few who took masters… and also as an opportunity to live away alone for a few years…

I still wanna live away alone, and finally yesterday I asked my parents if i can go to china for language learning and they agree with it, because chinese (mandarin) language will be relevant for our business…

Cool! I think it’s a very good decision that you’ll be living away from your parents for a while, become more independent, perhaps learn to cook 🙂 (you said you want to). Perhaps you can even take some part-time jobs if your schedule at the language school allows it?

I feel so delighted that i can explore new places later on… and i can meet new people there… although the language course is only 2 years… and then i’ll go back to my home country and help my family’s business again…

I am glad you feel good about it. 2 years is quite a lot of time, you have a chance to learn a lot, not just the language, but everything else, which will give you that sense of accomplishment that you want and need.

I should’ve created my own goals that time and not prioritizing dating…

Well, you’re doing it now (you know what they say – better later than never 🙂 ) This is your new goal, it seems to me,  and it’s excellent:

But now i realize, that life is about learning everyday….. my principle right now is that i’m a person who needs to learn something everyday… so that i can be a more useful and improve my quality as a person.

It’s a great goal. You have more clarity about yourself now. You know what you need to feel better about yourself. Working out, learning Chinese and living on your own for a while – this will all help you feel better and happier about yourself. So you’re on the right path, Felix.

You may still have regrets (that’s your inner saboteur who’d like to take you away from your goals), but now you already have enough awareness not to take him too seriously. You also have another, positive voice in you, who keeps you moving forward. And that’s a great success. In fact, already that in itself is a big achievement!

I want to congratulate you, Felix, you’re doing a great job, and I am proud of you!

Dear Felix,

I feel worried back then, as if i go to japan… most of my friends/peers are gonna graduate earlier than me…. And i dont wanna be left out…. Then i chose to continue my degree in that city…. So i’m going to graduate at the same time with my peers. It was a really bad decision…. I was really affected by my peers…

I feel like i cant forgive my peers, it’s been lots of days since i talk to any of my friends….

Now i curse everybody who took part in my decision on choosing the wrong degree, also to anyone who used to support me with that girl….

You are blaming your peers for “making”you choose a less than optimal degree, when the reality is that you decided not to go to Japan because you didn’t want to graduate later than your peers. And you were afraid to live alone back then because you were only 18 (but i’m still afraid back then to live alone… i was only 18.) So it was your decision, based on objective and subjective reasons back then. Blaming others makes no sense and won’t help you.

We’ve already spoken about healthy and unhealthy regret, I’ve explained the difference (you can go back and re-read that). What you’re doing now is unhealthy regret, leading you nowhere. You are either blaming yourself or your peers for decisions you made long ago. Those decisions weren’t horrible or irreversible, because you’re still young and if you want a better degree, you can still get it. You haven’t done something that will impact the rest of your life – everything you desire is still within your reach. If you want to. But if you keep wasting your time on regret and hating either yourself or others, you won’t be able to move forward, you’ll be stuck. Exactly as your saboteur would want it…

The choice is yours, Felix – do you want to be stuck or you want to go after your dreams?

Dear Felix,

I really do want to have a self-achievement for myself by having my masters degree….because not many people took masters….

Earlier you said you don’t feel like learning, and I said that in that case, masters would only make sense if you could travel abroad, to serve your goal of getting more independent from your parents. If you stay at home and take online classes, it would be a waste of time and money, because the main goal (your independence) wouldn’t be achieved.

Now you’re saying that your only motivation would be because not many people take masters. This tells me you are motivated by low self-esteem and comparing yourself with others, and you think taking the masters degree will make you feel better. Well, it won’t, and I’ve explained it on page 5. You can go back and read it.

in the end i’m going to work for our family’s business…

Is it your or your parents’ wish?

I can’t believe my parents arent supportive of this…. It’s not that what i’m doing is a bad thing….

They aren’t supportive because it doesn’t contribute to the future they have envisioned for you: to continue working for the family business. From their perspective, it’s rational. They don’t want to spend the unnecessary money for something you’ll never need – from their point of view.

How i wish i have a supportive parents who will agree with my weird demands….

You are 22, which means you’re not a baby any more. I keep telling you you’re young, and that’s true, but you’re not a baby. A 22-year old shouldn’t have demands on their parents. If you want something for yourself, go and get it, don’t expect your parents to provide it for you. I know it’s hard for you because you’ve been raised in a manner that your parents provided you with everything and protected you from challenges (and stifled your growth). But if you want to grow up, you’d need to reduce their influence. You cannot behave like a child with demands, and then be angry when those demands aren’t met.

It also means that you don’t just accept everything your parents tell you – you don’t accept their vision of the future for you, but you have your own. You have your own goals and dreams, and you work on making them happen. You don’t depend on your parents to make a future for you.

Hi felix

i’m also trying to let go of the ‘regrets’ completely…. It’s really hard,

No its not hard, its impossible.

You will do more bad things once again, and regret them deeply as you do now for your past, regret will stay and things will change, unless you deal with it, not by removing it ofcourse.

What you want to do, is accept it as a part of being you, accept what you did back then, ask yourself (if i had the same mind the same everything, wouldn’t i do the same things? Feel the same things? And end up in the same position right now?) It is true, if you get back to one moment of your life, with the same mindset and feelings of that moment, there is a small chance that you do different thing, a very small and random.

What you need to do is, believe that the past is the past, and it doesn’t define you, nor does it matter to you, because it doesn’t exist, only in your mind, worring about it, thinking about it, only waste your time and effort, unless you think about it to improve on it (which believe me it will happen automatically without requiring you to worry or think)

Most of what you said, is about the past, it occupy your mind, it bothers you, it means it got you, you have to turn the table around, when this “bothering” come, you would know how to deal with it, and not giving up to it.

i feel like i’m better than most of my peers

You have high expectations for yourself, too high that you probably won’t be able to meet them. Here is the proof:

i hope i can do it… because if i can draw and also learned chinese language, i can unlock myself with 2 abilities.

Is this the correct way of thinking? I need to be good at many things

I really hope you do these things because you actually enjoy them and not because they give you a sense of worth, or to meet your high expectations, you shouldn’t be motivated by fear, fearing not doing enough.

I need to be good at many things?

 

You don’t need to be anything you don’t wanna be, you don’t need to be something or do something, remove need, and add want, what do you WANT to do? What do you like to do?