Dear Anita,

Lets see, after she was having some issues with the man of the affair, perhaps he no longer was speaking to her.

She was on the floor crying, inconsolable.  I think I either was called down by my sister, or had just come home.

And she said those exact words to me – in our language, rough translation.  The sense of, who is going to help me now..only you can.

I did not believe this to make me feel special – it was very painful. at this time i felt wow – my poor mother, how can i help her

Dear Anita,

I remember her babbling asa child. oh I have no one, who will help me, at least I have you – my sweet daughter.

you give your poor mother so much company.  what would I do without you

Dear Anita,

I wanted to add – that I see perfectly I wasn’t her true savior, because if she had true respect for me in such a regard – she wouldn’t throw me under the bus so fast.

That’s the thing about people who use you, or attempt to power over you – you are only useful to them until you fulfill their need/ the moment you don’t you are nothing but something to step on and discard.

Dear Anita,

Yes, absolutely. In fact, if I didn’t I would still be in contact with her – thinking/wishing/hoping to fulfill that “role.”

I see many patients like her daily, but unlike patients -she was my mother

People who do not have any awareness of why they are suffering, and expect someone else to entirely cure them without having any effort exerted on their end/mental or physical.  Even trying to explain something such as lifestyle modifications, unable to hear it – wanting to be fixed by an outside person, not wanting to take ownership. A true dis-ownership of self, handing over their entire self to someone else saying – fix me, and if you can’t I will be very angry with you.

Lastly, my last post got cut off I am sorry. I fully understand that I was never a savior in my mother’s eyes. In fact I was never anything out of respect and love. The only person that she consistently appraised was her own self. She is in capable of love and respect for another person and also therefore, any idea of seeing someone as a savior, someone that may – in that definition deserve worship, is impossible.

This was something that I was able to understand and accept very early on before going no contact. In fact, perhaps it was the acceptance of this quality that led me to make the first step towards going no contact after all. For a variety of reasons this became very crystal-clear to me first and foremost without much distress. I think after so many examples and disappointments of such it was very clear as day.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita;

Thank you very much, I will be back Saturday morning. Keep cool, we are having a heat wave over here in New York City, hopefully the weather by where you are is more temperate! I am happy to have summer though 🙂