fbpx
Menu

Self Trust and More

HomeForumsEmotional MasterySelf Trust and More

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 376 through 390 (of 1,009 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #306847
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I will probably type you more of my 2011 notes. I noticed that some of what I typed was a repetition, but repetition in these matters is a good thing.

    Fear- the most powerful emotion there is, the most distressing emotion there is. For a reason: an animal’s first priority is to survive by either running away from danger or fighting it. Fear motivates the animal to expand maximum energy at the shortest time. Fear feels so distressing that the animal basically ..runs away (or fight) the fear itself.

    It is not the predator that the animal escapes, in its mind- it is the fear that the animal is escaping.

    That poem in my 2011 notes, “We all have to find a way to live with fear”- we do. Because danger is there, always a possibility and death is a certainty, so how can we live without fear.

    I wonder what “way to live with fear” Cali Chica will come up with.

    anita

    #306887
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    i look forward to reading more of your notes.

    I wonder how CC will learn to live with fear

    same.

    But I know first she will limit the overstimulation of her neurons. When she is constantly overstimulated with this and that and this person and that – it is hard for her to sense what fear is.

    This morning she realized what fear is. It doesn’t mean the fear went away. No nothing changed. The annoyance and frustration remained.

    But it did allow her not to jump to anger and rage (to herself or prospectively someone else)

    i noticed a visual. If I felt this and was heading home. I would have stopped and written to you. Taken a breather, maybe a walk. To not enter my home with this energy.

    Thats not always possible. Yet I can try. I can practice. Have to start somewhere.

    How will Cali Chica tackle living with fear?

    By finding mental space first.

    #306919
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    i am typing notes here. I will elaborate in the morning.

    Fear of explaining myself

    fear of being invalidated and assumed to just have normal level of stress

    fear of not having mental space.

    Fear of obstacles.

    #306921
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I will read your recent two posts in the morning, but for now: I thought it was interesting earlier when I read you had a 4 pm apt with a gynecologist, because I had a 3 pm today with same, a routine checkup, but almost a year late. I am now aware, following the ultrasound exam that I have a lemon size tumor by right ovary. Tomorrow morning I will go for blood work, see if the tumor is cancerous. It will need to be removed in either case, through a bellybutton kind of surgery. It will be my first surgery and first anesthesia.

    Be back tomorrow in about 12 hours, at about 10-11 am your time I’ll have the blood work done, then back home, coffee, I suppose and back to your thread.

    anita

    #306967
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dearest Anita,

    Best of luck with your lab work today.  I am glad you made it to your appointment. The woman’s body has an interesting way of surprising us at times. Well there are many reasons why women in their forties to 50s Get growths on their ovaries. I am glad you are getting a work up, and all hopes and positivity is being sent to rule out anything not great. You have great support in me if and when you ever need it! The surgery through the bellybutton is called Laparoscopic surgery, and it minimize these large open incisions. You will wind up with around three small incisions one in the belly button and two around the belly, a camera is used to visualize the entire pelvic area to look at the ovary and  remove what is needed. It is in a minimally invasive fashion. I was involved in a lot of gynecologic surgery in my last job daily. And have some friends who are gyn surgeons. And the recovery after the surgery is meant to be (and usually is) much much better than when you had to have open incision and large subsequent scar years ago.

    I look forward to speaking to you later – Enjoy your “cuppa coffee” first.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Cali Chica.
    #306977
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Taking mental space between the fear and anger is what it takes to no longer lash at your husband. To “not to jump to anger and rage” from fear, is key.

    As to me, before the examination yesterday I told the gyn that I feel especially bloated recently, very uncomfortable (slept very little a few night ago and this night being so very uncomfortable). As she examined me she said that she thinks she found the reason for the bloating (the ovarian tumor). I just googled and read: “Any change in bowel movements, or constipation or diarrhea, could be a sign of ovarian cancer. This could be because the cancer has spread to the colon”-

    Can you tell me anything about this?

    anita

     

    #306983
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    So first things first, ovarian cancer will be diagnosed by the mass itself, taking it out and sending it to a lab.  As well as labwork (which I assume you are heading to soon).  Certain markers in the blood are elevated if there is a cancer.  This is not always the case, but there are standard labs that are done to check these “tumor markers.”

    As far as symptoms.  Often when ovarian cancer has spread, it can cause symptoms such abdominal swelling, bloating, change in bowel habits, fatigue.  I can’t say whether this means it has in fact “spread” or it is the mass itself causing this.  The rest of your work up will be able to examine this.

    Or, it can be a non-cancerous growth – which can happen in certain scenarios.

    I am sure your doctor will be ordering tests and a work up now to see what this tumor is, and you will know sooner than later.  I can imagine that perhaps you feel impatient or confused, I do not know your medical history and don’t want to assume anything.  We can talk about this as much or little as you want.  I would like to know the results of the work up when it comes – if you are comfortable with that.  Whatever you want.

    I think you are getting the blood draws as we speak, good luck.  Talk soon.

    #306989
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Thank you for the recent post as well as the one before it. I will be heading out shortly for the blood work, the gyn said she may have the results later today. I have my work on Fear cut up for me (cut up, I wrote.. )- I will continue to aim at containing my fear. Will write back later.

    anita

    #306991
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Yes my dear Anita.  Remind yourself that we talk so much about fear that is inappropriate, or fear that is displaced.

    Yet, we must allow ourselves appropriate fear:

    It is okay to feel anxious when getting a medical work up

    It is okay to feel scared/impatient when waiting results

    It is okay to feel uneasy about what is unknown (right now)

    You have tremendous support in me – I hope you always know.

    Talk later.

    #307031
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Thank you. I had the blood work done. The technician said I’ll have the answer around noon but later called to say that the marker test will be done later and answer will be in tomorrow.

    For now, feel free to continue our communication from before, if you want to.

    anita

    #307033
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Good to know.  Keep me posted.

    I thought a lot about how fear has so much to do with effective communication.  With first yourself, and second with others.  The exercise I did with you last week, the answering of the questions from your therapist – made me realize I am an ineffective communicator, and not assertive.

    2 very important realizations. Very important for myself to gauge the enormity of what I have been NOT processing for years.

    Not to say that I did a bad job, but I did trick myself.

    Able to write and talk for hours on end if I had to.  Able to describe many things in detail.  Able to open up, and not shut down.

    YET, not effectively communicating! How about that.

    Not able to truly understand what I was going through, process it, and let it sink in.  Without jumping over discomfort/uneasiness to action – to rage.

    I remember a year or so ago we talked about how there is an obsession and a compulsion, a reaction to a distressing feeling or thought, and an act.  An acting out.

    Whether it  be physical or emotional.

    Eating to numb the pain.  Talking over and over.  Any thing and everything.  It doesn’t matter what it is – but more that it is jumping over straight into a reaction.

    And like you said, taking the “re” out of the action is important

    #307045
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I wrote to  you earlier today: taking mental space between the fear and anger is what it takes to no longer lash at your husband, “not to jump to anger and rage” from fear, is key. It is within that mental space, that pause between fear and reaction that you can be an effective and assertive communicator in your personal life (your communication as a professional, as expressed today in your Dr. Cali Chica posts to me is very impressive, I am impressed, wow!)

    “there is .. a reaction to a distressing feeling or thought.. an acting out. Whether it be physical or emotional. Eating to numb the pain. Talking over and over. Any thing and everything.. the ‘re’ .. of the action”-

    -there is Fear, a powerful, very distressing emotion. The brain/ body wants to get rid of  it ASAP, understandably because an animal is not meant to feel fear for long- it is exhausted, draining. This is why an animal rests after running away from a predator. It is not just the running that is exhausting, it is the emotional experience of fear itself,  involving the chemicals released. If an animal is afraid for too long, it won’t have the energy to feed and mate and whatnot.

    Back to us humans, the brain/body rushes to end the Fear, it is not meant to be there for long. The brain rushes to end the fear experience- think, think, think of something else, anything else, thoughts that bring about  lesser fear, or a thought about a problem that feels possible to solve. (Maybe an example regarding your wedding, the greater fear/problem was your mother’s behavior, a lesser fear/ problem was who did not bring a gift to your wedding).

    We rush to activities: overeating or over-exercising, or both.. talking too much, and whatnot.

    Fear cannot be underestimated,  it is in the core of the onion, the core of most if not all mental illnesses and disorders, of many neurological disorders, of many diseases and it is Fear that is responsible for many accidents, and many deaths every day.

    I learned that human ongoing fear is about being stuck, beginning at being stuck in an unfortunate childhood, trapped. Fast forward, we find ourselves trapped in a complex society, for example,  yesterday you were trapped at work, not able to follow your plan to see a doctor at 4pm. Otherwise, trapped at the subway when it is crowded, stuck with too many people. And so on and on.

    Notice the fear as it starts, the rushing-in-the-brain, notice if you started thinking about something less scary/ easier to solve, notice if you already started a reaction, such as talking too much or raising your voice in anger, and then, take a pause, hush the rush. Then choose an action, a reasonable action that will serve you well.

    anita

     

    #307051
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Hush the rush!!!

    the best one yet. I’ll let that sink in and circle back to you in the morning. I enjoyed your last post immensely and will allow myself to process it before I reply

    I will message you in the morning, and look forward to talking to you then. I hope you rest today or take your walk. It is about to rain here – so this evening,  a great excuse for rest!

    #307055
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I thought you’d like Hush the Rush, I liked it the moment I happened to type it. I hope you rest well this evening and be back with you tomorrow.

    anita

    #307145
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Hush the rush is perfect.

    It is easy to say out loud, it is easy as a reminder.

    I have changed my morning routine since we started talking about all this, and I had that low point.

    One may think  I now wake up earlier and exercise in the morning and eat healthy and all this

    But NO

    I do less.  I allow myself to lay in bed and collect my thoughts. I don’t respond to any texts or emails.  I don’t judge myself for not waking up earlier to go to the gym.  I take a longer shower, where I collect more thoughts.  I take an extra few minutes to take the dog out, and I try – key word try – to put away more things.

    I’ve been actively creating more space in my life, doing whatever it takes.  That’s all I can do.

    Going back to fear.  There is fear associated with not following the intrinsic “baseline” patterns that I am used to.

    The concept of only doing what works for me – how profound, but how dripped with guilt.

    This is what I am working on, with effective communication – here and in “real” life.

    I hope you are well this morning.

Viewing 15 posts - 376 through 390 (of 1,009 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.